By:
In: Domestic discipline, Male Chastity

I did it again. I sent Mrs. Lion her daily email a few minutes after noon. She replied:

Ooooo so sorry, but you’re 11 minutes late with your email. Yes, for once I was watching. I guess you have sore buns in your future 😁

KISS

Today (Friday) is the first day that I’m pain free when I sit down. Yes, I have it coming. I’m glad that Mrs. Lion is on the ball. I guess the new focus on communication–verbal and with Mrs. Lion’s paddles–is working. This is good news for both of us. I think there’s a lesson in this. The old saw about use it or lose it applies when it comes to male chastity and domestic discipline. Neither is a natural part of a marriage. They’re both interesting kinks.

I’ve been thinking about this in terms of domestic discipline. If there were a tradition of wives spanking husbands that went back for generations, there would be no need for “Just Because” spankings or other artificial reasons to get out the paddles. We would have learned from our parents that domestic discipline is a normal part of life. The Christian sects that follow domestic discipline (wives are spanked by their husbands) have a generations-long tradition of doing this. Children grow up in households where their fathers spank their mothers and them as well. Spanking is a normal part of life. Boys and girls grow up expecting to carry on the tradition. There is no need to create artificial situations for punishment. It’s ingrained.

The rest of us don’t come from a tradition of adults being spanked. We have to develop habits ourselves. Mrs. Lion and I have spent the better part of a decade working on this. So far, we haven’t made domestic discipline a habit that doesn’t require maintenance. We need to find ways to keep Mrs. Lion’s paddles busy, or we will slip back into apathy.

One way to look at this is to consider that domestic discipline doesn’t really work for us. If it did, you might argue, we wouldn’t need to find ways to make sure I get spanked on a regular basis. The assumption behind that is we will adopt and maintain something without the need for artifice if we truly wanted it. I don’t think that’s correct.

Domestic discipline is no different than physical fitness or a good diet. Most of us need to work hard to build the habits that let us pursue those things consistently. We’ve learned that even though we both agree domestic discipline is right for us, it doesn’t mean that we will practice it consistently without help.

If there were local domestic discipline clubs (like the Christian churches that practice DD) we could join, then attending the meetings would help us keep DD alive. Since we’re on our own, we must find our own way. We’ve managed to do that with a combination of Just Because spankings and some BDSM activities. The Just Because spankings started to fail us. Mrs. Lion forgot to administer them. When we added the unrelated BDSM panty-wearing, it helped keep us both more aware of our disciplinary relationship. It works for us. Your results may be different.

By:
In: Domestic discipline, Panties

I was alone most of Saturday. Mrs. Lion was off visiting a friend. She promised to be home by four so we could go to the casino for some slots and dinner. Waiting for her at the front door were a couple of packages. One contained some new thongs for me.

We examined them, and Mrs. Lion selected a pair for me to wear to the casino. It was more of a bikini brief. It felt fine to wear, though a little embarrassing. The legs and waist were trimmed with lace. I hoped no one would see me in the men’s room when I had to pee.

There was an hour’s wait at the sushi restaurant in the casino. We played a nearby slot until the restaurant paged us. When they did, and we went to the host stand, we were told that we were paged by accident. No table was available. They offered to seat us at the sushi bar and give us a fifty-dollar credit. Free food! Of course, we accepted. Mrs. Lion joked that I never turn down free food. Duh!

In addition to the panties, the jeans I ordered from Lands End arrived on Saturday, too. To my surprise and delight, they were baggy and too big. Wow, that was the first concrete sign my diet was working. I set up a return, and Lands End is replacing them with the smaller size.

We ended up losing (of course) at the slots but got a nearly free meal. Maybe it wasn’t exactly a fair trade, but we had a good time and an evening out. On Sunday morning, I asked Mrs. Lion if she wanted me to remind her to put me in panties. She said that was a good idea.I guess that’s a new rule: remind her to put me in panties, or I get spanked. Fair enough.

On Sunday my buns were still a little sore. Mrs. Lion smiled when I told her. We talked a little about the recent spanking and panty-wearing. It seems to me that we are talking and touching more. The spanking has the most value, I think. It energizes both of us in different ways, of course. Being spanked makes me more interested in sex and play. It makes Mrs. Lion more aware of her role. I half-joked that my bottom was going to be permanently sore. Mrs. Lion agreed.

I’m fine with that. No, I don’t like being spanked. But I can’t deny that the combination of authority and punishment are things I need. It has nothing to do with curing behavioral problems. I just need it on a very regular basis. I’ve decided not to cover up this need with blather about disciplinary control, etc. Sure, there are things I need to correct. We all have stuff we can do better. And yes, being spanked for behavioral issues is certainly helpful.

I think it’s hypocritical and a little silly to focus on behavioral issues. Let’s face it, serious problems are not solved by domestic discipline. A wife is not likely to want to spank her husband if he is unpleasant to live with. I don’t think most women believe that spanking their husbands is the way to cure drinking problems, for example. Like male chastity, domestic discipline (male being disciplined) is almost exclusively requested by the man who wants to be punished.

I asked Mrs. Lion to punish me as needed. She and I selected spanking as the appropriate penalty. It’s that simple. There are other punishments that I would hate much more, but they won’t have the same effect as spanking has on both of us. Spanking is an odd combination of intimacy and raw power. Even though Mrs. Lion doesn’t have to touch me, the act of spanking is a close, physical connection. I think it’s emotional too. She knows that she is hurting me. I know that she is doing it because I need it. She knows that, too. It brings us closer.

Once we both acknowledge what is happening, we can work on improving our approach. Now that we have agreed that the combination of BDSM, domestic discipline, and frequent spankings improve our marriage, we can proceed without the pretense that we need offenses to provoke a spanking. Yes, I will still be punished for breaking a rule or annoying Mrs. Lion, but behaving will not mean my bottom won’t be bruised. I think this approach is cleaner. It doesn’t put pressure on Mrs. Lion to invent rules. Of course, she can, and I encourage it. I can expect my bottom tanned very regularly. How often is to be determined. Spanking me is good exercise for her. I may find out how it feels to be spanked every day for a while.

By:
In: Domestic discipline

Mrs. Lion didn’t feel like spanking me on Tuesday night. I had no problem with the reprieve. I was annoyed at myself for not getting her morning email out by noon. Stupid Lion! I know that she isn’t going to forget, and I will be riding the spanking bench tonight (Wednesday). I am not looking forward to that. I am glad that Mrs. Lion was paying attention and caught me. It’s a good sign that we are on the way back.

Looking at our archives and reading what we wrote a decade ago, you’ll see that our insights into male chastity and domestic discipline were very different. The actual practice hasn’t changed, but our views have. In the beginning, I was very excited by the loss of control and the wide range of options that Mrs. Lion had to take advantage of my surrender. I considered how she could use extending my wait for an orgasm as a disciplinary tool. It was very arousing to think about. The same was true about spanking. I was turned on by the idea that she could punish me.

If you read some of the other male domestic discipline blogs, you will see this same immature arousal under the guise of discussions of how the disciplinary wife will let her husband know he is in trouble. Or talking about including relatives and friends in knowing about the domestic spanking. It’s exactly how I used to think about what we do. The bottom line is that it is sexually exciting for me to surrender power to my wife. She demonstrates this power by punishing me for breaking the rules.

It’s very telling that very few disciplinary wives are comfortable punishing their husbands for things that represent serious issues. Mrs. Lion finds it nearly impossible to spank me for annoying her or making her feel bad. Things like this seem to me to be the most obvious useful reason to punish me. I think she finds it so difficult to spank me for these offenses because she doesn’t seriously believe that she has disciplinary control over me. I doubt that she wants it.

She is willing to make and enforce rules because she knows I want her to. She’s learned to efficiently punish me when I break a rule. It’s a sort of game. I don’t want to consider domestic discipline a game. I want to believe that Mrs. Lion has real authority over me. The punishments are real. I can’t escape them. Our agreement gives Mrs. Lion the right to punish me for any reason she chooses. Still, I can revoke consent. It’s something I asked for.

I think we make it much more difficult for our wives to accept domestic discipline because we insist on treating it as a lifestyle. We want to believe that we are under our wives’ control and that their authority is absolute. We know damn well that we can stop the game any time we want. WE just don’t want to admit it.

The point is that Mrs. Lion spanks me because she knows I want her to. Domestic discipline, as we practice it, is a service she provides me because I need it. It’s consensual. I can withdraw consent at any time. She is well aware of this. I don’t know of any  DD situation that is different. Don’t get me wrong, the spankings are painful and real. The rules are strictly enforced. Mrs. Lion is in charge…because it’s how I want it.

By:
In: Domestic discipline

Hypocrisy seems to be the order of the day. It appears everywhere: in the government (they probably invented it), the news, and even in the kink community. I think the strangest expression of it is in the domestic discipline world. I started to call it a “community,” but it isn’t. It’s almost a religion. Domestic discipline is almost always expressed using spanking to punish the disciplined partner. As I wrote in my post yesterday, it’s been shown that a significant percentage of adults fantasize about being submissive and getting spanked.

Domestic discipline, by definition, puts one partner in a submissive position to the other. No, it isn’t the classic BDSM version of D/S, but it still counts. One partner gets to make and enforce rules. Sounds like someone is in charge. Right? Based on my surfing of the Web, a decent number of the guys who ask their wives to discipline them, learned about the practice from websites with decidedly sexual overtones. The old Disciplinary Wives Club website (currently unavailable) was filled with titillating stories of men being spanked by their wives. The focus was on the spankings, not the reason men should behave better.

Spanking seems to be the key. I haven’t seen any domestic discipline websites that talk much about timeouts and loss of privileges. Wouldn’t you imagine that those would be more appropriate adult punishments? If you believe that domestic discipline has nothing to do with sex, how do you explain that the primary punishment is always a practice that over a third of the population have sexual fantasies about?

The much bigger question is why does it matter if spanking is sexually arousing? As any adult who has received a serious spanking can attest, the only thing sexy about spanking is thinking about it. The actual activity is painful and not a bit sexy. Sure, BDSM spankings can be sexual fun. But even in that context, there are very few men who are aroused at the end of a spanking.

Women are different. I’ve known several women who orgasm during a spanking. Their sexual wiring is different from men’s. The paddling may hurt the buttocks, but the motion it creates can be very stimulating between the legs. Depending on the woman and the kind of spanking she is receiving, she can end up orgasming or being highly aroused at the end of a rather painful spanking.

Men can also get pleasure from spanking. If the spanker gradually increases the intensity of the spanking, the person spanked can become desensitized to the pain and enjoy being spanked. It’s an amazing feeling. Some call it sub space. I’ve known guys who actually fall asleep from the hormonal bath a BDSM spanking provides.

The difference between a disciplinary spanking and a BDSM spanking can be the slow buildup of the BDSM scene. That isn’t always true. BDSM scenes can be just as unpleasant as disciplinary spankings. When Mrs. Lion spanks me, she does “warms” me up with gentle swats. Her goal is to get me sufficiently used to being spanked so that I will remain willing to accept what she is giving me. It doesn’t take long before the swats hurt and hurt a lot. When she sees that I am near my limit, she will back off just a little, then push harder again. She makes sure that I am hating every moment of my punishment.

If her only goal were to punish me, she wouldn’t be concerned about my ability to take the pain. After all, I’m strapped down on the spanking bench, and I am unable to escape. She wants to punish me but also wants to be sure that I leave the spanking bench feeling that she didn’t abuse me. If domestic discipline were just about discipline, there would be little or no concern about my perception of my punishment.

Obviously, Mrs. Lion loves me and doesn’t like hurting me. She knows that I want and need the discipline and the spanking. I am sexually attracted to spanking. That doesn’t mean that I like being spanked. I don’t. But I like that she spanks me. See the difference? Without exception, every man I know about who is in a domestic discipline relationship gives full and continuing consent to his partner. This is a power exchange, willingly offered and accepted. Permission can be revoked at any time.

When you go beneath the “I need discipline” rationalizations, there is almost always a sexual attraction to being spanked and submitting in some way to the disciplinary partner. Women seem way more willing to admit the sexual connection than men. I’m not sure why. It could be the male ego and the unwillingness to admit the attraction to this maternal authority and the childish punishment that goes with it.

I’m pretty sure that our disciplinary wives get it. They understand our attraction to spanking and authority. Mrs. Lion accepts the role and does a great job as my disciplinary wife. I recognize the voluntary nature of what we do. I know that I’m sexually attracted to her female authority and being spanked.  It’s how I’m wired. I’m not unusual.