By:
In: Female led relationship with discipline, Femdom, Keyholder, Male Chastity, Spanking

I’m sitting in our new house on one of our dining room chairs with the computer on our waxing/massage table . Mrs. Lion brought these items over to give me someplace to sit while I wait for our new washing machine to be delivered. (It never arrived. The store changed delivery date at the last minute.) It’s an odd feeling being in an empty, unfamiliar place. It will take a long time before we can make this our home. The movers are scheduled to come on Saturday.that’s when the real fun begins.

I’m writing using my new laptop. It’s one more unfamiliar thing. I’m fully dressed. This is the most unusual sensation. When I’m home or any other place where there is privacy, the rule is that I am naked. I guess I’ve become an involuntary nudist. It’s not exactly involuntary. At this point wearing clothing is what feels unnatural. The nudity-at-home rule has been in effect for the full 17 years Mrs. Lion and I have been together. After all this time, it’s my natural state.

That’s the thing about rules: obey them long enough and they just become part of your nature. For me this is true about masturbation. It’s been six years since I’ve jerked off. No masturbation was Mrs Lion’s first rule when I asked her to lock me in a chastity device. It isn’t the sort of rule you would expect a keyholder to make at the same time she was locking her male into a  chastity device.

Actually, it came about because I told her that one reason that I wanted to be locked up was because I thought it would be an incentive for us to interact sexually more often. I went on to say that over the last several years, I had been masturbating one or two times a week because we were not doing anything sexual together more than once a month.

She was surprised that I masturbated. She had no idea I did that. I was surprised she didn’t realize I was jerking off now and then. She was unhappy that I was getting off on my own. I think that she considers me jerking off is a form of cheating. I was having sex with someone other than her. I never thought of it that way. I just considered it a way of relieving sexual frustration.

That was that. I did point out that I couldn’t masturbate if I wanted to. I was securely locked in a steel cage. There was no way for me to play with myself. Nevertheless, she made it absolutely clear that locked or not I was to never make myself ejaculate. She would be my only source of sexual satisfaction. There were no exceptions. Some keyholders allow their males to masturbate under their direct supervision. Not me. My paws were forever forbidden to get myself off.

Mrs Lion understood that the key to conditioning me to keep my hands off her weenie was to never under any circumstances allow me to satisfy myself. I was surprised that after a few years of continuous lockup, I completely forgot how to get myself off. I don’t even think about it. I know that I could probably make myself come, but I don’t really want to. I do like making myself hard once in a while when I’m wild. Mrs Lion knows I do it and while she didn’t explicitly tell me I could, she never said I couldn’t. I’ve written about this practice several times and she has never said anything either way. [Mrs. Lion – Actually I told him he should watch himself. I don’t want him doing it too often.]

Operative conditioning is the process of instilling nearly-instinctive behavior through learning. This is what happened to me. It happens to anyone who is consistently made to perform or avoid a behavior. This is good news for the power exchange, but it does have a darker side?

Most people, when they read about someone who is conditioned this way, react negatively because they feel person was a victim of a Svengalian manipulation. People like me who welcome control, also have a problem with it. Nudity and hands-off the weenie are now built into my psyche. I don’t get any rush of sexual energy thinking about being naked or about not being allowed to get myself off. Those things are just part of me.

This happens even in casual BDSM situations. In those cases, there isn’t the kind of operative conditioning that changes a behavior permanently. There is a kind of familiarity that sets in and robs the bottom of the little thrill submitting provides. Anyone who has been in a dominant/submissive relationship knows that there is almost constant pressure to escalate the way the dominant partner exhibits power.

I spent decades as a top/dominant practitioner. I had several long term relationships with bottoms. Invariably, their need for escalation would push me to the point that it became too much trouble trying to satisfy their need to restore the submissive thrill.

In our relationship we need to be careful to manage this issue. It’s possible to both condition and keep the thrill alive. We discovered a way accidentally. When we first started our disciplinary relationship, we realized that neither of us had any real experience in the sort of power exchange we were beginning. Mrs Lion knew that we needed a lot of practice to instill the disciplinary habits we needed. She decided that if she made some rules I couldn’t help breaking, there would be legitimate reasons punish me and thereby teach both of us the disciplinary habits we wanted.

This meant that at some point we would have two distinctly different kinds of rules. The first kind, like forbidding me to spill food on my shirt, had no real emotional loading and, given the way I eat, guaranteed to provide plenty of opportunities punish me. It also provided Mrs Lion a very good laboratory in which to learn how to observe my behavior consistently. It’s worked very well. A little surprisingly to me, I actually stopped spilling food on my shirt very often. I recently started again because my eyesight has suffered and I can’t always see where food ends up going. My current backlog of spankings is due to this problem. I don’t mind because we both still need practice.

The second kind of rule is much more difficult to observe and enforce. This is stuff that actually impacts our lives. For example, Mrs Lion hates it when I interrupt her. I suppose everyone hates that. For some time it’s been a punishable offense. She’s never consistently enforced it. In fact, she almost never lets me know when I do it.

It isn’t because Mrs Lion isn’t a terrific disciplining wife. It’s because there is a special kind of fear associated with calling someone out on something that carries the risk of being greeted with defiance or anger. It’s one thing to observe and punish something like getting food on my shirt. On the other hand, calling me out for interrupting can be risky on an emotional level.

Even though I’ve agreed that Mrs Lion has every right to punish me for doing things that annoy her, she knows that when she calls me out I will probably be upset because interrupting is an ingrained, if negative, part of my personality. It’s something I am doing that’s wrong. It isn’t silly or trivial. Actually, the trivial rules were put into place to develop the habit needed to enforce these more serious infractions.

But I digress. My point is that once some demonstration of power, whether it is a rule or some BDSM physical activity, becomes habitual, it loses a lot of its sexual value. You may think that this shouldn’t be a problem. After all, at least in our case, the rules and their enforcement are designed to lubricate our relationship. They aren’t about sexual thrills.

That’s true; they aren’t. It’s perfectly okay to completely disregard whether or not I get turned on thinking about breaking any rule. I’m on board with that. I know that I like those little tingles. I seek them out. Interestingly, one very common activity we practice is spanking. I always get a little aroused when I think about being spanked.

Over the last few years I received hundreds of spankings. Even though this activity is very painful and unpleasant, thinking about being spanked is remains a turn on. Given the way things like masturbation, spilling, and eating first became extinct thanks to consistent enforcement, you’d think that spanking would also become a routine part of my life.

It hasn’t. I still get that tingle when I think about being spanked. I get absolutely no sexual arousal out of the actual act. I hate every second of it. I can’t explain it. For some reason I am immune from becoming sexually indifferent about being spanked. I actively work to avoid spankings. I fear them. Mrs Lion has become a very severe disciplinarian. Yet, I can get an erection thinking about her punishing me this way.

This is relevant because apparently there are some things that never lose their thrill. Since spanking is not something that we do for play very often, it’s almost unfortunate that this activity turns out to be one that’s perennially arousing. It would be much better if I reacted sexually to things that aren’t associated with real punishment. The point is that those of us who are on the bottom crave that kind of sexual arousal. It doesn’t matter if the activity is painful or not. The anticipation and memories of having it happen turn us on.

So, when an activity stops getting my penis hard, it’s a loss. I want to look for other things to replace it.  I do long for the arousal I feel when Mrs Lion lets me know we will do some BDSM activity. She favors cock and ball torture. She enjoys putting Icy Hot on my balls, covering them with clothespins, or doing something else very uncomfortable to my genitals. Occasionally, she will doing anal play as well. I get very turned on thinking about that though I’ve never stayed hard when she’s done things there.

As a top, I disliked the pressure of having to come up with new ways to restore the thrill for my bottom. I know Mrs Lion feels the same way as my top. It comes with the territory. The key is for me to realize how difficult it is to keep that thrill alive and to work hard to make things easier for my lioness. She always has the good old standby of threatening me with a spanking.

By:
In: Lion's Journal, Femdom
leading man by his balls
Leading a man by the balls. Nothing says control like this!

Sunday night, Mrs. Lion decided to spank me using the method I shared with her in an earlier post. I also put a picture of it in her last post. (Click here to see that image) I was positioned on the edge of the bed on my knees with my nose buried in the comforter. My legs were parted, and she had clear access to my cock and balls.

She began by grabbing my entire package and firmly pulling it back. It felt good. She spanked me using her bare hand while pulling my package with the other. Granted, a barehanded spanking is not particularly painful. Because she was tugging on my package, the skin from my balls was pulled tight. Her swats had a different, thuddy feel. It was much less sting than I expected. If she uses this position and grip with a paddle, I think it will be a brand-new sensation.

I felt very vulnerable. I could feel myself getting hard in her grip. Let’s face it, we are not used to having someone use our cock and balls as a convenient handle to keep us in position. Maybe this is the way other people feel when they receive an over the knee spanking. I don’t know because I’ve never had one. This new position gave me a very strong connection to Mrs. Lion.

My erection wasn’t about being turned on. At least I don’t think it was. It was more about such a protected part of my body being used to help punish me. I know what you’re thinking. Mrs. Lion has been known to use Icy Hot on my balls. She’s also covered them and my penis with pinching clothespins. So I’m not a stranger to her doing things to my genitals.

Somehow this was different. For one thing, she had my cock and balls pulled out behind me. I’ve rarely had that experience. Her grip was strong and she clearly meant business. I was very careful to avoid moving away from her.

Afterward, she asked me how I liked it. I told her that it made me feel her very strongly. She remarked that I probably felt more controlled. That’s it! I did. There are a lot of deep feelings attached to a firm grip around my balls or the entire package. I thought to myself that in a fun time it might be exciting to be “milked” while on my knees, nose into the comforter, cock pulled out behind me. It would certainly be a major change from my standard position on my back, legs apart.

My normal position for spanking is now with me lying over the edge of the bed with my legs dangling. Prior to this, I lay either across the foot of the bed or up and down on my side of the bed. In both cases I’m flat on my stomach. It would be very difficult to accept a harder spanking while on my knees. In the past, when we tried it, I’ve invariably collapsed down to a prone position. If Mrs. Lion has a firm grip on my cock and balls, dropping to a prone position would be problematic.

Our new over-the-edge-of-the-bed position has me bent at the hips. Mrs. Lion discovered this offers her new territory at the base of my buttocks and top of my thighs. When lying flat, the skin is rather loose their and apparently less appealing to her.

She commented that it was a bit awkward holding my balls in one hand and spanking me with the other. I suggested that one of the short paddles — we have one shaped just like a woman’s hairbrush — would probably work quite well. Naturally, she will need practice to see if she can perfect her technique in this new position.

I think that some women in dominant roles may not be aware of the immense power they have simply by non-sexually grabbing a man’s genitals. Most women have been taught to treat male naughty bits tenderly and avoid them if sex isn’t on the menu. For our part, we protect our genitals and give women the impression they are very delicate.

Balls are tough. In fact, it’s easy to cause pain down there with rough handling, but it’s fairly hard to cause any real injury. Mrs. Lion knows I hate having my balls slapped, but she also knows she’s not going to injure me if she does slap hard. That sort of contact is in the context of play or punishment. Even Mrs. Lion who isn’t a bit shy about touching and playing with my cock and balls, only gets involved when she wants to play or be sexual.

I don’t expect contact in any other context. When she grabbed my cock and balls as a handle to keep me in place for Sunday night’s spanking, it was a new context for both of us. It sent me a very strong message. Now that I think about it, nonsexual, non-play handling of my genitals sends me a strong message of her ownership.

I think I learned something that opens up a new avenue of communicating physical ownership. Routine use of my cock and/or balls as a handle or leash, if you will, injects a whole new level of intimacy and control. No one ever did what Mrs. Lion did last night when she spanked me. If she regularly used my cock and balls for nonsexual control, I think we would cross a new boundary of intimacy.

Obviously, such intimate touching isn’t possible in public situations. It’s also difficult if I’m dressed. However, a subtle squeeze to my clothed crotch is a symbolic way of reminding me of her ownership and control. This works if the context is not sexual. Even if I respond sexually by getting hard, I still get the message. It’s a little like the pre-spanking erection guys often get, and lose quickly, when they’re about to be spanked.

I’ve never thought of Mrs. Lion touching or holding my genitals in a non-sexual context. CBT and other painful activities are, at the root, sexual in nature. Using that area of my body as a way of controlling, leading me or keeping me in place, is not sexual at all. Initially, I may try to interpret it that way, but if Mrs. Lion makes it very clear that’s not what she’s doing, I will learn.

This is one of the few activities that almost all guys never experience. As such, initiating it inside a female dominant relationship offers a unique opportunity to reach inside our male psyches and underline our submission to our partners.

What do you think, Mrs. Lion?

By:
In: Lion's Journal, Femdom

We’ve developed patterns over the years. Generally, Mrs. Lion will give me advance notice of what’s coming, or not coming. I get this information via her blog posts, which publish in the early afternoon (here on the West Coast) or in email we exchange all day. In general, I know what to expect. I can also make wishes. I can write about things I would like to see happen, like panties or diapers, and Mrs. Lion often grants them. One of the reasons that she telegraphs her plans is that it gives her something to write about in her daily post. Another is that she wants me to anticipate what she says will be coming.

For the most part, these exchanges keep things on a steady course. But in a way, these communications can create some issues. One of the most difficult for us happens when Mrs. Lion writes about what she plans to do that night. For a very good reason, not feeling well, life intruding, etc., she doesn’t do what she wrote about. I know it bothers her because she knows I am anticipating the fun. That doesn’t happen much, so it isn’t a big issue.

I’ve gotten used to these coming attractions. I like them. I like it better when Mrs. Lion just does things without any advance warning. It makes me feel her control more acutely. I not only don’t get a vote, I don’t get warning. I’m not saying she should never let me know what’s coming. She should when she wants me anticipating my fate.

I also have to stop asking and commenting on what is or isn’t happening. Thursday night, for example, without saying a word about it, Mrs. Lion left me locked in the chastity device. We snuggled and she rubbed my balls. But the device remained firmly in place. I wanted to ask her if she planned on taking it off. I wanted to tell her how horny I am. That’s what I usually do. I decided not to.

It was very difficult to stay silent. I ached to be released for a while. I wanted to be teased. I wanted her to play with me. I decided that it would be wrong for me to say anything. It even occurred to me that perhaps I should have a rule against asking or whining about what is or isn’t happening. Maybe that’s the next step in my training. Of course, that’s completely up to my lioness.

By:
In: Femdom, Lion's Journal

Mrs. Lion is right. I get too involved in things that are strictly her domain. She owns me and the cage. She and she alone decides when I am locked or wild. She decides which cage I wear. Period.

She also decides when we play and how much intensity I endure. I just can’t seem to help myself from offering my opinion. I don’t think I’m aware that I’m doing it much of the time. I have a suggestion: Make these annoying habits of mine punishable offenses. It’s just a suggestion.

That’s too absolute. Sometimes, Mrs. Lion likes to get suggestions. In her post yesterday, she’s made it clear that bedtime is definitely the wrong time for me to ask questions or offer my opinion. I know that she wants to be fair and the idea of punishing me for something that is sometimes ok to do fits into that category. As Mrs. Lion often says, “That’s a Lion problem.”

I’ve gotten a few bad habits. They are centered around the fact that what we are doing is for me. Mrs. Lion has taken all this up out of love for me. She’s made this clear from the beginning. She also needed my help understanding what all this is about (enforced chastity, FLRD, and BDSM play). She really doesn’t need it any more.

I can’t help myself sometimes. I think about something, like erection control, and then I just have to suggest it to Mrs. Lion. She almost never says, “No.” She listens and usually gives me a “maybe.” I just keep trying to convince her to do it. It’s borderline topping from the bottom.

I understand how we got here. I was the expert in kinky stuff. Mrs. Lion was willing to try it, but has no organic need to hurt me or lock me up. She didn’t start out enjoying my suffering. I keep trying to fill in that gap with ideas she might be able to internalize. It never occurred to me that once she had the basic idea, she would move at her own pace and make our power exchange her own.

It isn’t all horrible. Even under the current conditions, we’ve both grown and have adopted FLRD and enforced chastity. It is part of our lives. I’m grateful it is.

It’s time for me to back off. Mrs. Lion knows what she is doing. She needs to figure out how to enhance her pleasure as well as create the environment best for me.

I think that I like to identify “trends” when something happens that I like. For example, her increased intensity in BDSM play is a “trend” I like. What I like is that Mrs. Lion isn’t trying to adjust the intensity to make it “fun” for me. Over the last few days, she seems to be going for what will give me the most intense sensation. I would like that to be a trend. But it probably isn’t.

The reason I wanted to celebrate this change is that I interpreted it as Mrs. Lion perfecting her skill without worrying that I won’t have fun. I know she wants me to have fun. I want her to approach play (and punishment) the way she plays on her iPad. She solves puzzles and plays games trying to get the best score possible. That sort of approach to things she does to me might be more fun to her. It becomes a game of getting the biggest reaction from me rather than just doing what I like.

She may not like that idea. That’s fine. She decides how she wants to approach things. It’s my job to accept what she chooses to do. I need patience and more submission. That’s why I am making a suggestion that I be punished for getting too involved. I have to learn more self control.