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In: Femdom, Keyholder, Male Control (training), Mrs Lion Comments

toys
My road toy collection: [Top] Our bed restraints and my impact toys: punishment paddle, flogger, crop, strap, and wooden spoon [Center] Pinching toys [Bottom] Boy Butter anal lube, rope for cock and ball bondage, and a large dildo to go into lion where the sun doesn’t shine.
As I’ve said before, Lion and I have several road trips planned this summer. Since they are road trips we don’t have to worry about going through airport security. Lion can remain safely locked away in his cage. And the toys we take are only limited by what we want to carry with us. Trust me, you can fit a lot in a gym bag and it’s a lot more fun than going to the gym.

Previously I went shopping in our dungeon for our travel toys. I’d like to expand on that a little bit today. Each toy has it’s own feel and purpose. Some of them are homemade. Some of them were never meant for anything kinky. One of Lion’s favorite toy stores is the big box store, specifically the rope and chain aisle. We’ve found things in drug stores, kitchen stores, warehouse stores-almost any store can be a toy store.

The first thing I know I need (well, it’s actually Lion who needs it) is a punishment paddle. It’s shaped like a hairbrush and should do the job quite nicely. It’s small enough that it could fit in my bag in case there are any indiscretions while we’re out and about. But I probably won’t need it since he’ll also be wearing his shock collar.

For our “whomping” sessions I have chosen a flogger, a crop, a strap, a wooden spoon, and a paddle. The flogger is thuddy which means it doesn’t sting like the other items do. The strap is doubled so a split second after the first side hits, the other side hits. The wooden spoon has a decent amount of bulk to it and, used toward the end with single hard swats, will provide a lasting sensation and possibly a bruise or two. Just to remind Lion of me long after we’re finished.

I always make sure to have clothes pins. Regular, hang-your-clothes-out-to-dry wooden clothes pins. And I have modified a few with the sandpaper pieces so they have extra bite. The plastic clothes pins are nastier than that. The tiny clothes pins can bring Lion to tears. I use them on his cock. Nasty, nasty little things. I don’t use the industrial strength ones often. They are very difficult to take for any length of time. And, lastly, the wooden flowered clothes pins are not nasty at all. I just think Lion needs to be pretty sometimes.

Rope is very useful for play. While it can be used to tie wrists and feet, we have restraints for that purpose. Rope could cause damage and leave marks. No, the rope is for Lion’s cock and balls. I’ve done everything from tying a lasso around one ball and stretching it to his big toe to wrapping his balls and stretching them together to almost mummifying his cock. I’ve also captured his balls and tied them to a collar around his neck. Which reminds me, I’ve been meaning to find that collar again.

We have not done ass play in a while. Sometimes Lion can take a dildo right away and sometimes he needs to work his way up to it. There are some things I know I can push him to do and some things I can’t. Neither of us is fond of my jamming a dildo inside him when he’s not able to take it. I always go slow with dildos and butt plugs in the beginning. Once he’s warmed up, of course, he has no say in the matter. And you can’t have dildos and butt plugs without plenty of lube.Boy Butter works great.

I’d forgotten we had long strips of Velcro. I love wrapping Lion’s cock with Velcro and then once he’s hard I release it. The sudden rush of blood is somewhat painful. The longer strip means I can mummify his cock with that instead of the stacks of smaller Velcro. Or I can latch onto the smaller pieces with the longer piece and stretch him. So many possibilities.

I know I’ve probably forgotten a toy of two but this is a nice start. The good thing is that I can always supplement my collection either from home or any store we happen across in our travels. Sporting goods departments, hardware departments, housewares. They all have fun things in them to repurpose for play.

 

By:
In: Femdom, Lion's Journal, Male Control (training), Shock Collar

shock collar on balls
[top] From 500 feet away, a press of the yellow button sends anything from a gentle jolt to a painful shock to the receiver [Bottom] strapped  under my balls just behind the cage’s cock and ball ring. (Click image for information on this device)
(Sunday, May 18 2014) Sundays are lazy days around the lion’s den. We sleep late unless the dog decides she needs some early morning attention. It’s a good time for some introspection. Even though I have been caged since January, every so often I wonder about why this is something I want. This morning I had an Epiphany. It’s all about control. That may seem obvious. Well, it is. But I have been discovering that this need is deeper than I thought.

All this new introspection came after I started wearing the shock collar. The device isn’t particularly cruel or frightening, but its implications are profound to me. Here I am walking around wearing a device that someone else can use to instantly deliver a range of sensations invisibly and at a distance. I am only slightly aware that the contacts are pressing into my scrotum just behind the cock and ball ring for my cage (See lower photo on right). But when Mrs. Lion wants my attention or wants to correct me, I get anything from a gentle “buzz” to a jolt that will make me jump. If she presses the red, “+2” button, the jolt will make me jump. She can hold either button down for a few seconds to be sure I get the point.

The thing about this device that makes it particularly effective for me is that she can provide this sensation anytime and anyplace I am. I can be shopping hundreds of feet from her, or I can be sitting in a quiet restaurant, or even in the mens room and she can reach me. Other forms of control like bondage; or correction like spanking require privacy and some preparation. It takes time and work on her part to give me the desired stimulation. With this device she can correct me in an instant with only the tiny effort needed to press a button. That’s what makes its effect so profound.

Wearing the cage certainly sends me the strong message that I no longer have sexual control of my penis. It is something I wanted very badly. The shock collar takes things to an entirely new level. When I have it on I fee very vulnerable. I know that nothing will protect me from Mrs. Lion’s corrections. She can “page” me, and if I don’t return to her quickly enough she can send me powerful reminders that will continue until I am where she wants me. She can use this technique to irresistibly encourage me to do anything she wishes.

Think about that for a minute. While the cage prevents me from erections and orgasms, the collar bends me to her will at any time and for any reason. Using this simple device, she can condition me to do or not do anything she wants. Unlike classic top techniques, this device eliminates the need for any cooperation on my part. Yes, I can choose to resist her signal, but if I do, she can increase the intensity of the stimulation to the point where I don’t want to resist any longer. I want to do what she tells me. Because the stimulation is instant and has no lingering effects, I unconsciously associate the stimulation with the behavior she is correcting. I learn at the most primitive level to do what she wants.

The challenge for my top and keyholder is to decide how to use this absolute power and control. I’m not even sure what to suggest to her. Does she want me to stop touching myself and adjusting my balls? Would she like me to always open doors for her; wait for her to eat first; avoid saying certain words, always stand with my hands clasped behind my back? All of these things are excellent candidates for conditioning using the instant feedback of the shock collar. Delayed feedback like spanking are less likely to effect real change. Like other critters, lions (and people) do better if they associate corrections with the actions immediately. Just press the yellow or red button and the lion is corrected then and there.

We haven’t really done this  yet. I hope we do. The scientist in me is curious to see if the lion in me can be trained this way. When I strap the collar on, I get a little tingle that comes from my vulnerability. It’s there all the time under my clothes ready to remind me and correct me when I need it. Now that’s real control.

If you’ve experienced this or have comments or questions about this sort of training, please leave a comment or use Contact Us to share your feelings and experiences. This technology is affordable and safe. I think it offers a whole new world of opportunities in male control.

By:
In: Femdom, Mrs Lion Comments, Sex
mother warning child
My mother warned me to stay away from strange, perverted men. I didn’t listen.

I grew up across the street from a couple where the woman was clearly in charge. Any time I asked if the kids could come out to play the husband always deferred to the wife. She even had him on a short leash. If he wandered across the street to talk to my father it wasn’t long before she was screaming out the door for him to come home. I really have no idea if it was actually that kind of relationship. She may have been just a bossy person. Other than joking about it my parents never discussed it. Not only did we not talk about sex, but normal people didn’t do those sorts of things.

Two of my best friends from high school got married and he once told me that he liked to tie her hands so she couldn’t “help” him during sex. He said she was then able to relax and have much bigger orgasms. We never discussed it again and it never crossed my mind as something I’d want to try. Even after I got married the first time I never thought about how to spice things up. Things were spicy enough for both of us.

Once my marriage ended I decided to sow my wild oats since I had never done anything like that when I was younger. I didn’t really have any expectation of what that meant. I just thought I deserved to have some fun. I signed up for online dating. I chatted with a few guys. Dates were considered but we never actually met. Then Lion found me. Two days after we met online, we met in person. The rest, as they say, is history.

In previous posts I’ve said that Lion suckered me in. No, he didn’t drive up in a Porsche (he wishes), with champagne and caviar. He was just a sweet guy looking for some fun. No mention of anything kinky. Well, that’s not true. He did tell me he had a piercing but he removed it before we met so he didn’t freak me out. See? Dangle that normalcy in front of me, reel me in, closer, closer. I don’t remember when he first put the piercing back in, but it was at least a month or two before he told me what he had in mind.

What was I thinking?
I really don’t know why I didn’t run screaming from him when he said he wanted to be tied up and spanked. I guess I might have if he had suggested tying me up and spanking me. Here he was, only my second sexual partner, asking me to do things I hadn’t ever thought of, and I was going to do it? I wonder if this is how people get hooked on drugs. It went ok the first time. I can stop any time I want to. I’m not addicted. Honest! Then the spankings got harder and then it was tying him up, then it was flogging, then it was caning, then it was cock and ball torture. Right on down the rabbit hole.

So I was hooked. On Lion. Not on his “baggage; just him. And it wasn’t hurting me to hurt him-after the first few times when I was sure I wasn’t going to do him serious bodily harm with my pathetic swats to his backside. He tells me I’m very good at being bad to him. I can get his buns rosy in no time and I’ve learned not to have the “really?” look on my face when he suggests something new. I’ve always done this for him. It has never turned me on. The only desire I have when I’ve got his balls in a vise is that it turns him on. Lately we’ve been working on what turns me on. And I’m fine with not being turned on by what turns him on as long as I get some WIIFM (what’s in it for me) now and then.

My mother may not have talked much about sex with me, but she did warn me there were a lot of strange men out there. And perverts. Lucky me! I wound up with a strange man who is a pervert. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

By:
In: Advice for a new keyholder, Advice to caged males, Femdom, Keyholder, Lion's Journal
fatigue
Keyholders need TLC. Tops have needs too.

(Wednesday, May 14 2014) Most of what you read about forced male chastity is about how to deal with a caged male. Most of it is written by caged males, including me. If you go by what you read, the keyholder has the best job in the world; she gets anything she wants any time she wants. I remember when I was a top, I would ask self-proclaimed submissive women what they give back to their tops in exchange for the effort it takes to top them. Almost every new bottom answered, “The gift of my submission.” Some gift!

Topping is work. A successful keyholder, even in a rather vanilla relationship, has to put in substantial effort to support her caged male. She has to decide what he must do, how long to keep him locked, discipline, teasing, ruined orgasms, and other entertainments for him. The problem is that many caged males refuse to understand the reality of their caged male/keyholder relationships. The fantasy is that the caged male is a sexual captive who can only orgasm or even get erect at the whim of his keyholder. She, on the other hand, can demand endless sexual gratification at any time from him. He also may be required to perform domestic and personal tasks for his keyholder. In that context it does sound like the keyholder has all the goodies and the caged male is Cinderella hoping for some sexual scraps. That’s the fantasy. One reason many keyholders soon lose interest in forced male chastity is that the reality is very different. Let’s look at it from the keyholder’s perspective.

One day her partner tells her that he has been dreaming of forced male chastity. She agrees to lock him up because it is clearly something he wants badly. The early days are filled with mutual discoveries. Both keyholder and caged male enjoy this new game. She enjoys being pleasured at will. She probably also likes that her male is now paying much more attention to her. This chastity honeymoon goes on for a while. She learns about rules and discipline, toys, pegging, and other topping activities. Most keyholders don’t even realize that they are, in fact, topping.

The honeymoon ends when the keyholder realizes that even though her caged male is at her beck and call, she only gets sex when she demands it and lets him know exactly what she wants. She wakes up to the fact that she is spending considerable time and energy keeping him entertained with rules, punishments, and whatever else they do. In short, she discovers that topping is work. This is when WIIFM (What’s In It For Me) cuts in. She realizes that everything is coming from her. The caged male receives her attention, but she only gets what she demands in the context of topping.

In the BDSM world, this is known as “top drop”. The top feels let down. This is made worse by her own values changing. She learned it isn’t nice to hurt others or frustrate them. Now, her main purpose is to do that to her love; her caged male. This takes an emotional toll. Gone are the soft moments when he shared love and affection. They are replaced by her being a demanding bitch. Why is she doing this? What is she getting out of it? The standard male answer is “everything.” To many women it feels just the opposite. Her male has gone from lover to elaborate vibrator, providing orgasms on demand. This may sound extreme. I used this language intentionally. The key is that there is a growing imbalance between the keyholder and her male.

A friend of mine once described this problem very simply: The bottom gets “done” – receives sensation and emotional gratification from the top. The top “does” – performs the work needed to “do” the bottom. Even if the top likes doing, she is still working and giving while the bottom just has to receive. If the keyholder / caged male relationship is to survive, something must happen to restore balance.

First of all, the chores and sex on demand must be discounted. They are being performed because it fits the caged male’s bottom role. The keyholder has to do something in order to get those “benefits”. The caged male can not live in the forced chastity fantasy 24/7. If he does, his poor keyholder will almost certainly burn out. The male must go out of his forced chastity role and provide for the well being of his keyholder. What does this involve?

First thing, after the keyholder disciplines, pegs, or otherwise entertains her male, he should recognize that this effort took a physical and emotional toll. When the session is done, he should hold, kiss, and thank his keyholder for the effort she put in to support him. Not part of the fantasy? Too bad. If you want to do this long term, you better get used to supporting your keyholder. She needs to know that you appreciate what she is doing and that it is ok that she teases and frustrates you. You may hate breaking the mood, but for her well being, she needs to hear that she is doing something you want and like.

Another critical step is to take very regular vacations from forced chastity. During these chastity vacations, the male is uncaged and not subject to the rules or orders of his keyholder. She goes back to being his partner and lover. Go on a date. Eat out, watch a movie, make out, and make love. This time tihe man makes the moves. She gets to feel loved without the chastity overlay. Some couples reserve a weekend a month, others a day each weekend. You both have to decide and agree on how you will work this.

Keyholders, if your partner reads this and decides that he can’t possibly get out of chastity mode, then you should seriously consider if you want to continue locking him up. Top drop can turn into depression and feelings of failure. Just like I need to hear that I am a good boy, lioness needs to know how much I appreciate her hard work to cage me and support forced chastity. She needs to know that I want to have sex with her. I love it when she tells me what she wants, but even if she never tells me, I still want her. Chastity is something we do. It isn’t who we are.