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In: Female led relationship with discipline, Femdom, Humiliation, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Punishment, Rewards, Sex

One of our loyal readers, mot0324, posted an interesting comment yesterday:

After all this time I am surprised that you want a “wild penis”. Having worn my JB for several years I no longer feel comfortable without the feeling of confinement.

You and Mrs. Lion have a great blog, thank you for sharing your adventures. And best of luck with the job search. Although I was able to retire early, I realize many folks don’t have that option, either mentally or financially.

First of all, thank you for the good thoughts. It helps to know that our friends care beyond enforced chastity and FLM. This reader brings up an interesting point. He said that he needs to be wearing his Jail Bird in order to feel comfortable. He doesn’t say what specifically, feels uncomfortable when it is off. In my case, I used to want the device on all the time because it meant that Mrs. Lion was in control and would provide stimulation. Going without the cage, I feared, would return us to the lack of sexual activity we suffered for years prior to our enforced chastity. To me, the cage was the symbol of the new, exciting changes we had made.

More recently, I’ve learned to completely trust the changes we have made. I no longer think that the cage is the driving force. Both of us have adopted enforced male chastity and FLM. The cage is a tool and a symbol, not the source of our changes. I don’t mind wearing the cage. I like it. It’s like my wedding ring; a symbol of my commitment to my lioness. Of course, it’s more than that. It physically prevents me from erection, and in a weak moment, self stimulation. It’s bondage that I experience 24/7.

So why would I wish for more uncaged time? I have to admit that it was more convenient. I could pee standing up without making a mess. I could touch my penis. Touching didn’t result in my getting hard. I think the cage and our commitment has made self stimulation close to impossible at this point. The cage isn’t needed for that. I liked being wild. Part of this enjoyment probably comes from the fact that I am not constitutionally submissive. I am learning to submit. I didn’t arrive that way. Mrs. Lion is challenged to train me to submit. Sadly for her, this lion is, at best, a switch. I’m more of a wild beast in need of taming. So an unfettered penis reminds me of my wild days when I could do exactly as I wished.

This might seem odd to you. After all, I asked Mrs. Lion to do enforced chastity and FLM. Some deep down part of my lion heart craves the control this provides. I recognize that and I do my best to cooperate with my taming. This is fairly unusual. All enforced chastity and FLM is consensual. The male asks to surrender. The female agrees to take charge. I freely admit that is exactly what happened to us. I knew this is what I need.

Initially, my desire to do this was driven by very hot fantasies about how it would feel to be dominated. I’ll bet this is what starts it off for most guys. Many dominant women promote these fantasies to put their partners in the right state of mind to begin submitting. In our case it came all from me.

As we also know, after a relatively short time reality sets in. A large number of couples abandon it at that point. Sometimes the woman finds enforced chastity and FLM exciting and will help keep her male’s interest alive. Strategic rewards and punishments continue to feed his original idea of how things would work and he stays engaged. I realized that Mrs. Lion didn’t have the tools to do this with me. She also was neutral, at best, about enforced chastity. Since I have decades of experience as a top (dominant), I helped her learn how to keep me interested and involved. It didn’t take long for her to work it out for herself.

Despite the fact that I completely understand the process, I began to become conditioned. I learned not only to accept orgasm control (the point of enforced male chastity), but enjoy it. With sexual stimulation as the reward, obedience became something I like to do. Now, with suspension of stimulation as a punishment, I’m learning that I can’t be even a little selective in what I choose to obey. I’m addicted to being edged, teased, and occasionally brought to orgasm. I need that and need it often. Withholding these sessions hurts.

All this circles around to the chastity device itself. I no longer need it to prevent me from unauthorized penis play and masturbation. I just don’t do it even when wild. Like the commenter, I am used to having it on, but I don’t think I need it there all the time. So, after a few wild days, I wanted more. No big reason, just because. It was good, I think, that I did. Because when Mrs. Lion handed me the base ring even after I asked for more free time, that little action sent a powerful message: It doesn’t matter if I think I can be good while wild. It doesn’t matter that I wanted some more time. All that matters is what Mrs. Lion wants. She wanted me back in the cage; so back I went.

There is a subtle difference between consent and choice. I consented to surrender control. Once I did that, I gave up the right to make individual choices that differ from Mrs. Lion’s wishes. It was very good that I wanted more wild time because it gave Mrs. Lion another chance to let me know that I didn’t get a choice. She wanted it on NOW, so it went on. Lions don’t get to decide.

Even more importantly, laid-back Mrs. Lion was assertive and had me do what she wanted even though she knew I didn’t want to do it. She has a hard time with “No!” I have a hard time with that too. My education in submission requires a lot more no’s accompanied with rewards for my instant obedience. As she stated in an earlier post, we both need our brains rewired so that our roles become automatic and easier. I need to learn instant obedience and feel the consequences and rewards when I react incorrectly or do as I should. I need to hear, “Good Job!” and “Good Boy!” when I obey. I also need the opposite along with punishment when I fail.

Mrs. Lion has a problem with this. She thinks it’s demeaning; like talking to the dog. In a way she’s right, but in a more important way I’m not unlike the dog when it comes to obedience. I am being trained to obey, even do tricks. I need the same kind of direct feedback to succeed. Over time, I will feel rewarded when I hear, “Good Job!” or “Good Boy!” Whatever works is what we need to do.

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In: Humiliation, Mrs Lion Comments

Yesterday we spent hours fixing the lawn tractor. When we were done, the belt was too loose. Argh! Today we have to take it all apart again. Not looking forward to that at all. Last night, Lion did his computer magic. He was working till about 11 pm. Then he came looking for love. Too late. I was hunkering down for the night. He was hungry and horny, and out of luck for both.

In this morning’s post, Lion brought up a few interesting topics. The first, being part of a community, is difficult for me. As an introvert, I have a hard time in social settings. I’m not even very comfortable with after work activities. One of my coworkers is getting married and we had a small get together the other night. It’s not that I don’t like my coworkers (although there are a few…). I just don’t have the social butterfly gene that my older son and daughter have. The second, his wanting me to be clothed around the house while he’s naked, got me thinking.

When we first got together it was specifically for play sessions. He was naked. It made sense that I be naked too. After all, the sessions usually ended in sex. When I moved in, we slept naked. My clothes were in another room of the house. I usually didn’t get dressed until I ventured in that direction. In my life before Lion I stayed in pajamas (usually a t shirt and shorts or sweatpants) until I needed to leave the house. I didn’t run around naked because there were kids in the house and you never knew who would show up at the door.

Since we spend so much time in the bedroom, watching tv, eating, etc., it’s more comfortable to be bottomless. And I usually feel hot. My skin may feel cold, but I feel very warm. When I come home from work I shed my work clothes and put on a t shirt. No bottoms. First of all, I don’t have that many clothes. Second, why make any more laundry than necessary? Third, I’ll probably be hot in a few minutes anyway. So let’s just cut to the chase and stay in a t shirt and undies. And, by the time the nightly edging comes around, those will be tossed. I work up a sweat playing with my Lion.

Lion has told me in the past that he likes it when I’m clothed and he’s not. I try to accommodate him, but I can only go so far. Unless he thinks a sweaty Mrs. Lion is sexy. I we turn down the heat so I am comfortable then he’s too cold. I don’t know how people play in leather outfits. I would be a puddle by the time I got all dressed. Anyway, until I find clothes that feed Lion’s fantasy of a clothed female that also feeds my need to be cool, I’m going with clothing optional.

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In: Chastity games, diapers, Humiliation, Mrs Lion Comments, Panties

Today Lion’s frilly panties arrived. He called them his mistake. It’s partly true. He got one pink pair and one green pair. If I had bought them they would have both been feminine colors. Maybe pink and hot pink. Or purple. Or a lovely shade of yellow. They do, however, have a red rose on them which I think is a very nice touch.

When will Lion be wearing them? He wonders that too. I don’t think I will make him wear them to work. He already has to deal with not peeing on himself with the cage. And someone might see the cage although I’m not sure how often guy’s look at each other while they’re peeing. Having someone see the panties would be too much. Besides, I think it’s much more of a statement when he’s walking around the house undressed and can see the panties. Like his painted toe nails, it’s a visual thing. Knowing I made him prance around with girly toes and a girly butt is where the power comes into play.

I have to wonder why he’s always so gung-ho about these things. He swears he hates diapers, but if you could see how many diapers we have in the house right now you’d think he was lying. He doesn’t really want to wear panties, but he’s the one who bought them. Right. Sure, Lion. You don’t want to wear them. Wink, wink.

I may let him stew for a few days before I make him put them on. Then again, he might be wearing them by tonight. I also have to decide when he gets his sparkly purple toe nails. Lots of fun ahead for poor Lion.