By:
In: Lion's Journal, Lioness 3.0, Male Chastity, Punishment, Spanking

Saturday night featured a very long and frustrating edging session. It took a long time to warm me up. I began to worry that I was stuck again. I wasn’t. Mrs. Lion kept stroking until I started humping her hand. She then went on to bringing me closer and closer to the edge. Time after time I felt myself humping air trying to get over the cliff. It’s been a long time since we’ve come this close.

At one point she started making the moves she uses when she wants me to have a ruined orgasm: She masturbates me quickly for five or ten seconds and then takes her hand away. She waits about 10 seconds and repeats. If she keeps this up I will most certainly have a ruined orgasm. This time, she followed that pattern until I was almost positive it was too late. It turned out it wasn’t I was left once more humping air and breathing loudly.

When she finally finished teasing me, she kissed the tip of my penis and moved away. I begged her to keep teasing me even though I knew she wouldn’t let me ejaculate. She steadfastly refused. In a sweet voice she reminded me that it had only been a few days (five, to be exact) since my last orgasm. She said that I was silly to imagine I would ejaculate so close to my last orgasm.

Oh well.

Sometimes I forget how far Mrs. Lion has come in her role as keyholder and disciplining wife. After all, it takes both skill and determination to tease me with the intensity she used on Saturday night. I’m pretty sure that as recently as a year ago, she would have seen my desperation, felt sorry for me, and made me ejaculate. I’m sure she considered that option on Saturday and then rejected it. In fact, I think she’s learning to enjoy my frustration.

I know the Mrs. Lion doesn’t enjoy punishing me. I doubt she ever will. Nonetheless, her spankings have become more and more severe and at the same time she’s learned to disregard my yelps and protests. I asked her about what was behind her increased ability to hurt me more and be less concerned about my sexual frustration.

Referring to spanking, she said that she’s learned that she can’t injure me. Apparently, in the past she had worried that a severe paddling would do lasting damage. She now knows it won’t. As a result, she’s much more willing to hit harder and longer and disregard my protests. For my part, I’ve learned how to hold still through much stronger spankings.

I don’t think we’ve reached some sort of goal, either in punishment or teasing. I think instead, we’ve both learned that a great deal more is possible. Surprisingly, I’m glad. The stronger spankings definitely have a positive effect on me. I have a feeling that Mrs. Lion will be upping the punishment intensity now that lioness 3.0 is coming to town. Similarly, I fully expect more days of relentless edging before being allowed to ejaculate. I’m going to have to work for my orgasms.

Some people might interpret 3.0 as a signal that Mrs. Lion is hardening her feelings and is becoming less sensitive to me. I don’t think that’s the case. I think 3.0 is becoming more aware of her own feelings and is becoming more willing to express them. She’s also understanding that I’m not nearly as fragile as she once imagined. She’s also discovered that I learn much more effectively if she dials up the intensity.

At some point, this new intensity will almost certainly draw some objections from me. After all, day after day of intense teasing might leave me a little grumpy and frustrated. Lioness 3.0 will just smile and tell me that’s how it’s supposed to be. Similarly, at times I will hate the punishment I am given. 3.0 will see that as a sign that she’s effective as a disciplinarian.

Ultimately, these temporary, negative reactions are good signs. They signal that I’m feeling fulfilled in my role as a disciplined husband. It’s taken us a long time to move from something that might seem like a BDSM game into part of the fabric of our relationship. I guess what’s happening now is that we’re tightening up the weave.

By:
In: Female led relationship with discipline, Lion's Journal, Lioness 3.0

We’re in the midst of an evolutionary step in our disciplinary relationship. Mrs. Lion is holding me accountable for less tangible issues that bother her. Until now, my rules are very concrete and behavioral. She always eats first and I am not to spill food on my shirt are the prime examples of this. The new rules are much more subjective: I am not to act like a know-it-all is the first of these. I’m not to interrupt her. I must respect her time. I wrote about that one yesterday in my post. The changes are not limited to punishable offenses. She is also being more assertive in terms of having us do what she wants rather than going along with my preferences.

The pattern of these changes is very much the same as when we started with the easier, concrete rules. At first she observes and comments on infractions. Later, she follows up with punishment. The hardest part, I think, is consistently observing the infractions, and in Mrs. Lion’s case, acknowledging things that bother her. She wondered whether it was fair to punish me the first time she lets me know I’ve done something that upsets her. I posed that question in yesterday’s post.

I got an interesting response to this on Twitter. Adored Devoted Couple (the male member) wrote:

“Maîtresse treats these types of situations as trainings. So she still applies correction but it’s to confirm a new rule rather than punish for breaking an existing rule. We had similar situations occur, which led to the rule that I greet her at her car when she arrives home……& watch my tone always. It was surprising to me as we evolved discovering things that had irritated Maîtresse before but she hadn’t said anything. It was a big shift when she realized her irritation is all that’s necessary to trigger a new rule.”

I think this is exactly what is happening with us now. I asked how the “training” is different from actual offenses. Was the punishment different?

“In effect, there’s no difference. It’s just helpful for us to separate cases where I failed to live up to an agreed upon expectation vs I irritated her but in a way we hadn’t ever discussed. She does the “training” to express her irritation & set the tone for the new rule.”

I agree with this concept. When something new is noted, it earns the same punishment it will in the future. I know that Mrs. Lion is concerned that punishing me for something I didn’t know was an offense is unfair. In the absolute sense it is. But, since she is a reasonable person, the behavior that bothers her is probably something I should know is wrong without being told.

More importantly, even if it seems unfair to punish me for something without warning, doing so reinforces our power exchange. Observing without punishment will almost certainly make less of an imprint on both of us than punishing me the first time the behavior is observed. It’s not about fairness, at least at this point. It’s about both of us learning something new.

I think the point is that there should be a sequence of events that happens when something I do, or don’t do, bothers Mrs. Lion. First she notices it. Then she tells me how I offended and then follows that with a statement of the new rule, followed by punishment. The value of this pattern is that she doesn’t have to worry about remembering every single rule. Since I am punished every time she is annoyed, she doesn’t have to worry about whether or not she told me of the offense before.

It’s elegant in its simplicity. There is no need to remember if I had been warned. No reason to even remember it’s a rule. The statement of the rule exists to provide me with a guideline, not to give Mrs. Lion permission to punish me. If this seems cruel and arbitrary, it isn’t. The objective of all this is to teach me to modify my behavior. We’ve established that punishment severe enough to imprint the need to change in my mind is effective in educating me. Therefore, the sooner we begin this pattern, the sooner I will change.

The idea isn’t to complicate Mrs. Lion’s life with the need to remember an encyclopedia of rules. It’s to consistently observe things I do that annoy her and to promptly punish me for them. Rules are for me. They’re my roadmap to avoid painful spankings. They don’t limit Mrs. Lion by requiring her to define boundaries before acting.

By:
In: Female led relationship with discipline, Lion's Journal, Lioness 3.0, Punishment

Lioness 3.0’s arrival is difficult for me to accept. I’m not complaining. She is letting me know what truly bothers her. Some of these things feel challenging to me on a pretty deep level. Her recent post, Time For A Change, is a perfect example. In that post, she explained that she hates it when I respond to her declaration that she might have a cold with me worrying that I might catch it.

She sees this as me making her illness about me instead of her. I never thought of it that way. She has a point. My thoughts immediately went to the ten or more days I spend in bed with a bad cold. That is selfish of me. But that’s not the point at all. The big news is that Mrs. Lion was willing to let me know that it bothers her when I do that. Further, she announced that I will be punished if I do it again. Score for 3.0!

I never realized that I was upsetting her. I didn’t think I was being selfish or thoughtless. If 3.0 wasn’t visiting, I would have continued with this thoughtless behavior. Well, I still might do it, but I will suffer if I do. 3.0 didn’t concern herself with why I would say that. She knows. But she wasn’t looking to rationalize my statement. She was hurt. That’s enough.

I’ve been in relationships where my partner would let me know when I did or said things she didn’t like. Invariably, she would make me miserable about what I did. It was emotional punishment that pushed us apart. Mrs. Lion is taking a much healthier route. She tells me what bothers her and then punishes me for any future repetition. It’s clean and non-guilt provoking. There is no room for me to object or argue; and no further recriminations from Mrs. Lion. It’s a simple, “Do it again and you will be spanked.”

Some might see this as unfair. After all, what I said wasn’t intended to hurt her. It never occurred to me that it could. Susan, in a comment, argued that Mrs. Lion was being unfair:

“Why make a mountain out of a molehill? It’s an honest statement and don’t pretend that you would not say it the other way around or maybe think it. So what’s the problem? He just announces a fact nothing more nothing less, that’s how men work.”

She went on to say:

“He just stated a fact nothing more nothing less 100% without even thinking about it. Did you ever tell him, that it offends you? If not, you don’t have the right to make it punishable from now on.”

The fact is that she did tell me. She announced it in her post. She didn’t punish me for saying it the other day. She put me on notice that I will be punished if I do it again in the future. This has nothing at all to do with whether or not the statement is honest or correct. It offends Mrs. Lion because it shows I’m not thinking of her at a time when I clearly should. 3.0 will not stand for that.

The biggest question hasn’t been answered. Will Mrs. Lion actually follow through if I repeat this behavior? So far, I haven’t been punished for being a know-it-all or recently interrupting. I believe that Mrs. Lion has taken the most difficult step: she’s informed me that I offended or hurt her. This is epic! It’s the kind of action that will strengthen our marriage. I hope she will follow through as needed.

We’ve learned that prompt, consistent, severe punishment will change my behavior. It works. We’ve also learned that there are no negative side effects to this apparently-extreme exercise of wifely power. If anything, it turns out that it is benign. A sore bottom and a soapy mouth do teach me. Yes, my bottom and my pride is hurt. But that is a small price to pay for positive change. There is no guilt, no going to bed angry. It’s a clear, clean exchange that eventually results in making me a better husband

By:
In: Punishment, Lion's Journal, Lioness 3.0

If I’ve learned anything over the years, it’s that when Mrs. Lion makes a BDSM fantasy of mine come true, it rarely feels the way I imagined. That’s not entirely true. It starts out feeling exactly the way I expected. Then, as time goes by, reality changes things.

Take mouth soaping. We’ve only done it a couple of times. Thursday night, after my punishment spanking, Mrs. Lion called me into the bathroom. She fished a small piece of soap out of a glass with other pieces of leftover soap. She wet it thoroughly, rubbing it in her hands under running water until it softened. She pointed to my mouth. I opened wide. She put the entire bar in my mouth.

It was Dove unscented soap. As it sat in my mouth, I could feel the soap slowly dissolving. It was surprisingly tasteless. I tried hard not to swallow and to keep the soap in one spot. It wasn’t pleasant, but not nearly as horrible as having tho hold a bar between my teeth. When I had to do that, I couldn’t stop my tongue from rubbing the bar, effectively soaping my mouth, make me droll suds.

I didn’t enjoy holding the Dove in my mouth. I felt foolish standing naked with that soap in my mouth with Mrs Lion looking on with a faintly amused look on her face. I only had to stand that way for a few minutes. She told me I could rinse my mouth. She held out her hand and I spit out the soap. She carefully returned it to the glass with the other soap. I stood at my sink rinsing out the last remnants of the soap.

It could have been a lot worse. She could have rubbed the bar on my teeth to assure a lasting aftertaste. She could have used the dreaded Ivory. She has a bar of that in her glass as well. We both learned that soaping can’t continue too long. The last time she did it, I held a bar in my teeth for about fifteen minutes. It gave me a slight alkaline burn. The inside of my mouth and my throat were sore for a day. Mouth soaping is safe but only if it doesn’t last more than a few minutes.

Even though she didn’t say so, while that soap was in my mouth, I thought that it was a just punishment. After all, it was my mouth that made the comment that offended her. A sore bottom and a soapy mouth may end up as a good way to remind me to watch what I say. The punishment fit the crime.