Lion’s Journal (Page 2)

Nationalism has great inherent appeal. America first! Yeah, I can get behind that. The problem is that it isn’t as simple as flag wavers want you to believe. Every single fascist dictator got into power using nationalism as his message. Hitler, Mussolini, and Putin all ran on strong nationalistic platforms. Does that mean that nationalism is reserved for dictators?

I suppose it isn’t. The idea of isolation centers around the idea that a country should seal its borders put high tariffs on foreign products, and rid itself of undesirable people. You can see how these concepts would appeal to people who choose not to think too deeply. Let’s look into each of these concepts.

seal the borders

One of the most popular planks in the nationalist platform is to seal the borders and keep foreigners out. Build a wall. Get the army to prevent illegals from getting in. Most of us like that idea. I certainly don’t want thousands of illegals entering the country every month. America for Americans! Right?

Everyone agrees with that. But, that’s not the whole story. A nationalist leader brands these people as criminals, insane hospital patients, rapists, and parasites ready to feed at the public trough. These undesirables shouldn’t just be kept out; we need to find any living among us and get them out of the country, too. Again, not completely unreasonable. History has taught us that nationalistic leaders never stop at expelling the obviously illegal aliens. They also include other people who don’t belong to the majority. Sometimes, they even kill them.

tariffs

Make foreign companies pay tariffs on products they export to us. Let’s make China pay a ten percent tariff on everything they send here. The idea is that by adding a tariff, Chinese products will be more expensive, and people will buy American products instead. This is great in theory, but it can have devastating effects on our citizens.

Let’s say there is a Chinese TV that wholesales for $500. It retails for $1,000. Add a ten percent tariff, and it now wholesales for $550, and retail is $1,100. There are no comparable American products, so people pay another $100 because of the tariff. China will sell less TV sets here. But our citizens either pay more or do without. I know this is a silly example, but the point is that thoughtless tariffs hurt us more than the countries who pay it.

There are cases where tariffs make a lot of sense. For example, China has developed sodium-ion batteries that replace the Lion batteries we use in electric cars. Cherry, a big Chinese car company, is selling electric cars that get 600 miles on a charge for about $29,000, about half of what European electric cars cost. The Chinese government has paid Cherry millions to help them. The European car companies can’t compete. A tariff makes sense here to level the playing field. The EU is considering a 100 percent tariff on these cars.

pandering to the base

One thing that all nationalistic leaders have in common is that they work hard to stay popular with their base. Usually, it’s the working-class white Christians. They were the majorities in Italy and Germany. They are also the majority here. They share a suspicion of foreigners, Jews, Blacks, and college-educated people. Nationalistic leaders cultivate these prejudices.

Nationalists ask their base why they have to pay hard-earned money for entitlements like Social Security and Medicare. Stop funding old people and cut over a quarter of the Federal budget. That idea is very popular with the base.

Nationalists sell hate and fear. They provide easy-to-digest answers for complex questions. They build loyalty by pandering to the lowest common denominator. Once in power, they will do anything to stay there. Anything, from declaring elections fraudulent to inciting mobs to take the government by force.

The only thing that has kept America free from this is our constitutional, peaceful transfer of power. All US presidents, save one, have put this above their personal ambition. I, for one, would vote for a head floating in blue liquid before supporting a candidate who presents a threat to our way of life. It isn’t about issues to me. It’s about electing someone who believes in our country and its constitution above personal ambition.

Tjere’s one other serious issue a nationalist creates is people who would have no chance of getting into powerful positions, finding themselves able to buy their way into the nationalist’s government. He values loyalty to him above all else. That is probably the most dangerous aspect of this. Don’t believe me? Read Plan 2025.

It is impossible to know what another person is thinking. Sure, we get verbal and non-verbal clues, but most people are good at concealing their feelings when they want to. Mrs. Lion is almost a sphinx when it comes to expressing how she feels. For example, I know she has been uncomfortable at least for part of the weekend. I asked how she felt several times and got a neutral, “OK.”

The reason I’m wrting about this is that without good information, I have no way to understand what, if anything, I can ask her to do. She isn’t very good at taking charge. I’m not just talking about domestic discipline or BDSM. This is generally true. Most of the time, I need to ask her to do most things. The problem is that if she isn’t feeling well, she will do what I ask. Once she starts, I can see that she’s angry, but she won’t admit it.

That makes me very wary of asking for anything. I don’t want to push or upset her. My ability to do things around the house, like unpacking the hundred-or-so moving boxes is very limited. More seriously, I am stuck with deciding if we stay in this house or move next January. I am very uncomfortable making this decision alone.

It’s true that I am a better planner. I’ve been a manager for much of my career. Still, it isn’t fair for me to have to decide everything. As you can imagine, this bleeds over into our sex life too. Even though Mrs. Lion is in charge, it’s up to me to decide when we have sex. Spankings almost always come after I post about their absence.

The big problem for me is that there are two very large issues that I am very uncomfortable about. The biggest is that I have to make all of the major decisions alone. It’s becoming too much for me. Part of that is that I need to ask for things to get done. I hate having to do that, and I am very upset when I see that Mrs. Lion acts put upon when she does those things. It’s getting harder for me to keep up.

The second one is that I am essentially topping myself. Mrs. Lion knows me well enough (after 20 years) to know what turns me on and pushes my buttons. I’m not that complicated. I should probably realize that by now, if she hasn’t taken the baton, she truly doesn’t want to do this stuff. I’m going to stop asking.

This is very serious stuff for me. My vision continues to fail. I have two more eye surgeries scheduled between now and the end of August. That means I’m more dependent. My ability to manage is shrinking. I am very grateful for the loving care I get from Mrs. Lion. Her love keeps me going. I just wish I could figure out how to help her become self starting.

Almost exactly a year ago, I wrote a post (“Breaking The Sex Connection“) discussing my sexual difficulties. In that post, I said that if I were offered a medicine that would extend my life but kill my libido, I would elect a shorter life. This question arose almost 25 years earlier when I had the same conversation with a doctor friend. At that time, I wasn’t in any danger of losing my libido, but the doctor, a woman who suffered from depression, was shocked that I would rather end my life than lose my interest in sex. She was taking antidepressants and had lost her interest in sex.

She suffered from type-1 diabetes and had to inject insulin several times a day. She was severely overweight and very lonely. Sex was at the bottom of her wish list. She was shocked at my response. We didn’t discuss why at the time. Last year, when it looked like my ability to ejaculate was lost, I couldn’t believe that I could enjoy life without sex.

The issue came up again yesterday when I got a private message from a reader who thanked me for that post I wrote last July. He said that it helped him understand how his brother must have felt before his death. I won’t go into details. It was a touching account that exactly paralleled how I felt last July. It reminded me of my conversation with my friend a quarter-century ago. Now, I understand why she was so shocked.

As I’ve aged, I’ve lost valuable abilities. My vision is very poor (glaucoma), my balance is also unsteady due to spinal surgery. Thanks to modern medicine, my ability to ejaculate has been restored and I can enjoy sex. It makes sense to revisit that question of a year ago. What is so important that I would rather not live if I lost it? Is it the ability to ejaculate? That’s what I said last summer. I was wrong.

At that time, my vision was reduced but very functional. I had trouble getting around, but managed fairly well. My ability to get around has improved since then, but my vision has all but disappeared. I can’t survive without Mrs. Lion’s help. Ask me if I would reject a drug that would let me live longer but kill my libido. My answer would be that my libido has nothing to do with my decision to live or die.

The reason is that something more important has my attention. I need to be able to survive independently. My ability to do that seems tied to my loss of vision. I don’t feel safe in our house. It isn’t set up for someone with low vision. That means I am only able to safely go to the bedroom, bathroom, and my office. Trips to the kitchen frighten me. There are too my obstacles that can trip me. If I fall, I can’t get up on my own. This isn’t Mrs. Lion’s fault. She is doing her best. She can’t efficiently organize a space. I can no longer help her.

[Mrs. Lion — Last week, I removed one obstacle from Lion’s path. It wasn’t really even in his path, but I moved it anyway. He also commented on the kitchen table being covered again. I cleared most of it over the weekend. At one point, he said I should stop unpacking since he doesn’t want to stay in this house. I consolidated the boxes in the living room to give the appearance of more space. Then he dropped a bombshell. Out of nowhere, he said he would benefit from being able to watch TV with subtitles and the best place to do this would be the living room. Of course, I have not unpacked enough of the living room to make it livable. Hmmm. Okay. I’ll work on that once our record breaking heat subsides. I doubt he’ll use the living room anyway, but I’ll do what I can to make things more convenient for him.]

This boils down to a very simple fact: My ability to enjoy sex is no longer a survival issue. My ability to enjoy my environment is. If my vision continues to fail, my world will get smaller unless some miracle changes our environment into one I can safely navigate. Like our reader’s brother, I think that depression will be the shadow that will obscure my life. My interest in remaining in it also declines as my world gets smaller.

The main reason that depression hasn’t taken me yet is Mrs. Lion’s love. Even though my world is confined to two small rooms, she shares them with me. I can hold her hand and cuddle with her. She will help me any time I ask. Eventually, I’ll need too much. When will I become a weight she no longer wants to bear? That’s an assessment I have to make.

I know this has nothing to do with male chastity or domestic discipline. I don’t care. This blog is my journal, and this is a very important issue for me. I have to either find a way to become more independent and move beyond the two small rooms, or surrender to the shadow. I’m a fighter. I’ve never given up. Have I finally encountered something I can’t defeat?

I have been online longer than I would like to remember. I’m an early adopter and dived into online chat when modems were horribly slow. I learned (the hard way) a lot. Over the years, I had many adventures both good and bad. Mostly, they were good. I met some interesting women and discovered my kinky side.

One of the most important and painful lessons of online communication is what I call the false image. If you are exchanging text with another person, there is a lot of missing information. You can’t see their face as they type. It’s easy to misinterpret what is said. But that’s not the dangerous part. Our minds tend to fill in the blanks when chatting online. We devlop pictures of of people that are more what we want them to be than who they actually are.

It’s very easy to fall in love online. Lonely people are vulnerable to building rich images of the people they meet in a chat room. It isn’t difficult to feel deeply touched by the words typed on the screen. People who fall in love this way define their infatuations fiercely. Some even create blogs to breathe life into these half-real loves.

I met Mrs. Lion online. I found her profile on a dating site. I loved her picture. It was a closeup of her smiling face. We exchanged messages on the site. She sounded great. I knew that the longer we went without physically meeting, the more likely we would build false images of one another; images we could never live up to. After only a day or so of messaging, we went to the phone and met three days after first contact.

It was the right thing to do. We didn’t have time to develop mental images of one another. We had just enough time to decide we wanted to meet and have sex. We met at a motel  halfway between our homes. We were naked within ten minutes of meeting. Neither of us expected more than sex. It was why Mrs. Lion put her profile on the site. I wanted sex too.

Seems rather shallow, right? Maybe. It was all we wanted right then. I don’t think either of us wanted to have larger expectations. After all, it felt good to be so close to someone. We were both horny, and there was no pressure to fall in love or do anything more than give each other fun.

I’m still unsure what Mrs. Lion got from our first few meetings. For reasons I can’t remember, we agreed on anal sex for the first meeting. Mrs. Lion said she liked it. I was fine with it, too. We repeated that for the next two or three times we met. She didn’t have an orgasm any of those times. Obviously, she was happy with what we did.  We branched out to more conventional sex and orgasms were had by all.

We met at least twice a week. At one point, she started coming to my house and we would spend a llot of non-sex time together. She had to leave each night to go to work. We never discussed it, but each of us was finding it harder and harder to say goodbye. We ended up living together. A year or two later (I’m horrible with dates), I asked her to marry me. It wasn’t because either of us felt a strong need to marry. Nothing was going to get between us. We both knew that. I felt that if we legally tied the knot, it would be easier to handle illness and legal matters. So, nineteen years ago we got married in a tiny village hall.

I am positive I did the right thing by making sure we met in person very soon after we started exchanging messages. Maybe it wouldn’t have made any difference if we corresponded for a long time. I suspect it wou ld have hurt if we did. There’s no doubt that we are perfect for each other. We are very happy campers over 20  years after I found her picture online.