Today marks my ninth month in enforced chastity. If the widget in the right column doesn’t agree, it’s because the date calculation it uses is approximate. Since the ninth month is the end of human gestation, I thought it might be helpful to update you on progress and learning to date.
I’ve been trying to understand the effect that a ruined orgasm has on my level of desire. Mrs. Lion gave me an accidental one on Sunday night. I think I see a pattern emerging. Immediately after a ruined orgasm I feel frustrated but not interested in more sex. The next day I am horny again. The day after that, not so horny. I was careful to note how I felt after my last complete orgasm. The pattern is the same. So, even though I don’t get particular satisfaction from a ruined orgasm, I do get the same effects on my level of interest in getting off. So, contrary to popular reporting, at least for me, a ruined orgasm has exactly the same result as a full one, just without the pleasure a full one provides. So, in terms of effect on my increasing desire, a ruined orgasm and a bonus full one are the same.
Initially, I had a Chinese, stainless-steel cage. It was reasonably comfortable, but after a week or so of continuous wear, I did get irritated and red around the base ring. A day off was enough to cure it. In March, my Jail Bird arrived. From the start, this device has been comfortable to the point that I can forget it is on. Nighttime erections don’t wake me and the cage remains comfortable.
There was one problem that became increasingly annoying over time: peeing. My original JB cage was 1 3/4 inches long. The head of my penis was frequently a half inch or so from the end of the cage. As a result, peeing was a chancy activity. I could spray in any direction, and a couple of times, ended up wetting my pants. The only way to avoid this was to sit to urinate. At home this was no problem, but at work or at public events, it was an annoying inconvenience. After consulting with Mistress MM of Mature Metal, I had the cage shortened 1/2 inch to 1 1/4-inches. This modification puts the head of my penis in firm contact with the end of the cage. My urethra is generally centered in the square opening in the front of the cage. Peeing in a urinal is no problem. Peeing at home still has challenges. Unless the urethra is dead center in that opening, there can be some spray or the stream can go off to one side. Most of the time at home I pee sitting down to avoid the mess.
Another area that has been a problem for me long before I was caged, is underwear comfort. I am almost always in jeans. For some reason, when I sit a long time, like on a car trip, at the office, or flying long distances, my underwear would generally end up applying painful, pinching pressure to my balls. Over the years I have tried different brands and styles of briefs (I don’t like boxers and have tried boxer-briefs with the same issue). My cage made the problem worse. I had been wearing synthetic briefs that were, for the most part, comfortable, but would still bind and pinch. I was miserable with these after being caged. For the last seven months I had been wearing incontinence briefs. I wrote about them in my post yesterday. I’ve replaced them with a radically-different, Australian design. So far I love the change. No binding or adjusting at all. We’ll see over time if I have solved that problem.
Sex, desire, and waiting
Going into our chastity adventure, neither of us had any idea what made sense in terms of time between orgasms (waiting). Mrs. Lion has tried different intervals from one day to the current twenty-one days. I’ve done much soul searching to try to understand what I want. Mrs. Lion has been taking my cues.
In the beginning, I was certain that I didn’t want to wait more than a few days. I felt that my time on earth is limited and I didn’t want to take away something that I enjoy so much. I also had no interest in “testing” myself. After all, what sort of test is it? I can’t get myself off while caged, so will power is not involved. Now, nine months later I have a clearer idea of what may work.
In terms of my level of desire, it’s clear that one week is too short. I seem to start peaking at around ten days. Since I am on my longest wait now, I am not sure what is too long. Also, my ruined orgasm Sunday, effectively cut five days off the current 21-day waiting time. My longest wait has been fourteen days, three of which I was too sick to care at all about sex. Before that, it was ten days without an orgasm or ruined orgasm. I can say that I was tree-humping horny and desperate on the tenth day.
When I think about it, I have very mixed feelings. I hate the idea of having only 12 orgasms a year, like some caged males. I think that 52 a year is a rather big number. So now, nine months later, I still have no idea what makes sense for us. Good thing it isn’t up to me. Whatever Mrs. Lion picks will be the right number.
Mrs. Lion’s libido isn’t as strong as mine. When we started last January, Mrs. Lion hadn’t had very much sex in years. She just wasn’t that interested. One very positive outcome of my enforced chastity is that Mrs. Lion’s libido is slowly returning. In the nine months of my lockup, she has had more orgasms than in the last five years or more. One strong argument in favor of making my lockup permanent is its ability to keep sex in the front of both of our minds.
(Continued tomorrow. Read about teasing, discipline, and other kinks)
In my mind, maybe means I’ll think about it and make a decision. I might do it. I might not. In Lion’s mind, maybe means yes. It’s a definite. If anything, knowing me, I’d think he would equate maybe with no. If I don’t give him a definite yes I will not be doing whatever we discussed. It will get lost somewhere between thinking about it and implementing it. Maybe he’s just an optimist. Yes, he is. See? It works for him.
Yesterday, in my post, I said Lion may get attention every night. He got some Sunday and then on Monday he got more. Last night he said my post said every night. And besides, it was a regularly scheduled night. He actually pulled up my post to verify. And it said he may get attention.
There are two issues here. I am usually very careful to say “maybe”. I’m not a “definitely” kind of person. Maybe gives me a chance to consider things. Maybe gives me an out. Maybe is a throwback to my ex and my desire not to be backed into a corner because a decision I made went south. The second issue is that, while I said I would play with him at least every other night, there were no scheduled days. If I play with him two days in a row, I can have one day off before I have to play with him again. I could play with him for six days in a row and take one off. The agreement was made so that he would have attention at least every other day. In other words, I can’t take three days off and play with him one day and take another two days off. It was to give him consistency and to give me a kick in the pants so I don’t slip back into inertia. It was the least he could expect. Anything above and beyond is a bonus. But I know how he feels about bonuses.
I did take pity on the poor Lion last night. Even though I was planning on taking the night off, I unlocked him. This time I knew I was not going to edge him. But during the day, in one of our email conversations, I ended an email with LICK. We usually say KISS in texts and emails. So I figured I should follow through and give him a lick or two. Usually once I start in on a blow job I have to finish it. And Lion prefers it that way. But I decided to stick to my guns. No edging. No edging and no bonus orgasm. I had no idea how close I got him. His hips weren’t bucking yet. Afterwards he said if I had kept going just a little longer he wouldn’t have been able to hold back. And then he wondered why I stopped. I told him he didn’t like the idea of bonus orgasms so he wouldn’t be getting any. He definitely needs to be careful what he asks for.
Fourteen days left until Lion gets his orgasm. I wonder how he’ll do if I don’t edge him along the way. Last night he said he was wondering if I’d unlock him at all for the remaining time. In a previous post I said maybe I would give him different attention and he translated that to a definite and then further defined that as absolutely no edging. Another instance where Lion has to be careful. He makes far too many assumptions.
Underwear can be a kink all by itself, or for me, a problem I have to solve. Most of the time I am unaware of my cage. But when in the car or sitting at work, I get the occasional pinch. This requires a bit a of adjusting. I’ve learned that the amount of adjusting I need to do has a lot to do with the underwear I am wearing. For the first seven months I wore men’s incontinence briefs. These briefs look very much like typical cotton briefs, but have a thin pad sewn in front. I got them because I thought they would help hide the telltale cage bulge from public view.
I think that most of my concern was due to my own self consciousness, not any real chance I will be seen. After lots of pinches and adjusting, I decided to investigate alternatives. My first try was with Calvin Klein micro briefs. The “micro” refers to the fabric which feels very silky, but is made from synthetics. These were a vast improvement, but I still had that pinch.
After buying and trying a bunch of products, I found the Obviously Modal full cut briefs (see photo). My pinch rate has gone down to near zero. Unfortunately, these briefs appear to be discontinued in the US, though I did find them on the Australian site of the manufacturer. They are available there with free shipping. The cost is a bit high, but worth it. If you buy on that site, remember it is Australian dollars which are different from US dollars. There are other “pouch” briefs out there. Amazon has lots of them. What set this model apart for me is that the pouch is larger and more separated from the rest of the briefs. Most of the other, similar underwear have smaller pouches that are more integrated into the brief. I am pretty sure there are others out there of similar design. Most online stores will let you return the underwear if you don’t want them (and haven’t worn them for any length of time).
Sunday night I was whining a bit about wanting attention, so Mrs. Lion decided to oblige. She started by asking if her putting Icy Hot on my balls would work as the attention I want. I politely declined. She knew I would. Then she went into the toy collection and came back with a particularly nasty paddle made from thick, conveyer belt material. It stunk of rubber. Very industrial! She then proceeded to spank me. In case you are wondering, yes it was the kind of attention I wanted. How kind of Mrs. Lion.
In a weak moment I asked about bonus orgasms. She reminded me that I told her I didn’t want any this time. Under my breath I muttered, “Stupid lion!” She reminded me that she will take an orgasm when she feels like it. I’ve reached the stage where I am pretty horny. This is the time I ask myself why I want to be kept from coming? What ever motivated me? The answer, of course is that I want Mrs. Lion to be in charge.
In her post yesterday, she referred to my equating a keyholder with a maternal woman. The analogy was certainly not comparing her to my mother. Good grief! I am happy she plans more activities for me that may not include an orgasm. I know I won’t like some of them. I accept that. It helps me remember who is in charge. It also occurs to me that she could end up doing things to me that don’t require my cage off. I could end up wearing it continuously until September 30.
That got me thinking about my desire for discipline. I mentioned that I had considered dropping food on purpose, but couldn’t do it. It felt wrong to me. I realize that I want very badly to “do the right thing” and find the idea of willful disobedience distasteful. That isn’t a great attitude if I want to experience discipline. As I’ve written before, infractions and penalties are extremely difficult for any top. Most of us create rules that will “improve” the people we control. Now, along comes someone like me, who wants to be disciplined. The rules that Mrs. Lion imposes are both an expression of her power over me as well as reasonable things for me to do.
What’s a keyholder to do? When I first got into BDSM, I was the bottom. My top, as new to it as I, was a brilliant woman who took her role seriously. She decided that a way to satisfy my kink as well as reinforce her position was to “condition” my behavior. She picked a couple of harmless behavioral changes that she could correct and reward. She would get pleasure from observing that the new behaviors became automatic and part of my basic behavior. She picked two things: I had to clasp my hands behind my back when standing and not holding anything, and I could only refer to my penis as my “weenie”. Since I don’t discuss my penis with strangers, that change wouldn’t get me in trouble and standing with my hands behind my back was harmless. She made one other rule: I had to be naked whenever in the bedroom. She had to restrict it to the bedroom because we had kids in the house. Again, harmless and very easy to observe and enforce.
Over the years I used this same technique as a top. It was pretty easy to come up with behavioral changes that would do no harm, but would be easy to enforce on an ongoing basis. The bottoms loved it. Maybe this is something Mrs. Lion could consider. Since I try so hard to “be good” she may have to find things that I will actually forget to do and she can respond to. Of course, Mrs. Lion doesn’t like to make or enforce rules. Maybe conditioning for something easy would help get me punished. Sound crazy? Well, it’s my kink. What can I say?
I hope Lion doesn’t think of me as his mother. Firstly, no woman wants to be compared to her mother-in-law. Secondly, I never met her but from what I’ve heard, she was a piece of work. If I take care of him like his mother did, he should divorce me right now! However, I do understand what he means. I guess if I think about it, I do feel a little maternal toward him. He is dependent on me for sexual release and attention. Because of that, he does tend to act like a toddler. Poor Lion. Horny Lion. Whine, whimper, pout.
Last night he definitely needed attention. He’s at day five or six so he’s tree-humping horny. Do I really want to make him wait fifteen more days? Some days I don’t care when he has an orgasm. Today, tomorrow, a week from Thursday. He’s horny, let’s do it. I know I’m in charge so I should just give him one whenever I feel like it. Then other days I know it’s important to him that we have a date set. And he wants to be challenged to wait longer and longer. But when I picked twenty-one days again, he really didn’t like the idea. I’m not sure if the allure is more from the attention he gets because he’s caged and can’t fend for himself or from the denial. Maybe it’s just the fact that he can’t fend for himself. The fact that I have the power over him.
At any rate, last night he got a short spanking to tame his horniness. I’m sure it only added to it, but he needed attention and that’s the sort of attention he got. If I had tried to edge him I probably would have let him come. Not because I wanted him to come, but because at that point I didn’t care if he came or not. He could easily have talked me into it. And then he would have been upset that I let him. That’s a lose-lose situation.
Right now, we are on track for his September 30 orgasm. He will receive attention at least every other day. He may receive attention more often, as he did last night. He may, in fact, receive more attention than he actually wants. He may get attention that he doesn’t want. I’ve been teasing him with the idea of IcyHot on his balls. Poor Lion. What if he got spanked every night? Or if he was plugged every night. He may ask for less attention. I doubt it though. He’d probably be in heaven.