When I came out of the shower last night I brought the Boy Butter, a chrome butt plug, and Lion’s Mini Me clone with me. I put them on the bed in front of him and didn’t say anything else. Sometimes I like to let him think about what’s going to happen. Other times it’s nice to surprise him. This time I was going to give him a choice. He could have the heavy butt plug in or the clone. When we finally started, I asked him, but he didn’t want to make the decision. I went with the clone.
It’s been a while since we’ve done any anal training. I went slow and eventually did peg him for a few minutes. Not hard. He needs to time to get used to it again. He said he’s sure this is the beginning of a routine. Is he? I’m not. I’ve said before that I was going to get him ready for fisting and then I didn’t follow through. I don’t know why he’s so sure. Maybe he’s just trying to give me a kick in the right direction. We’ll see how it goes.
He was disappointed that all I did was peg him for a few minutes. He wanted some attention for Mr. Weenie. I made him wait a while for that. Just before we were settling in for the night, I unlocked him and edged him twice. He said he had given up hope for the night and became docile. After I played with him he was horny again. Good! Actually I was toying with the idea of giving him an orgasm. But he “only” had seven more days to wait for his scheduled orgasm so I just played with him.
Earlier in the evening he made a comment that we have had more sex in the past nine months than we have in the past nine years. I never kept score, but I don’t think that’s accurate. I don’t think things dropped off that long ago. I may have stopped having sex, but he always got some form of sex every night for a long time. And then, of course, I started giving up because he never initiated. We’ve been married nine years and I know we didn’t stop when we got married. Anyway, that’s splitting hairs, we have (HE has) had more sex in the past nine months than he has in a very long time. However long it’s been, it’s too long. It’s ironic that locking him up has somehow freed him.
I have no idea what the next nine months will bring. With Lion, it’s difficult to know what he’ll come up with next. Never a dull moment.
[Lion I am wondering what Mrs. Lion will come up with. I hope that now we are on this path that she will find things on her own. I would love to see what she might want to do.]
Yesterday, Mrs. Lion wrote her post about me being a sort of sexual toddler, wanting everything now. Much as I try to avoid such behavior and try to avoid topping from the bottom I still do it. I am both happy and a little worried that she will be upping the ante to better tame me. It’s the right thing for her to do.
All those months ago I asked Mrs. Lion to lock my penis in a small cage that prevents me from receiving any kind of sexual stimulation. I then asked her to tease me and make me want to get out and have orgasms. I also asked her to take charge of me sexually and behaviorally and punish me like a child if I break a rule. Am I out of my mind? I fear an objective observer would almost certainly suggest that I need help. Maybe I do.
Interest in enforced male chastity seems to be growing. There is a small-but-healthy marketplace for chastity devices and the Web abounds with sites devoted to this subject. I don’t think there is one key reason men want this, but I think I understand mine. From when I was a prepubescent boy I have always fantasized about being tied up and sexually teased. There is something buried deep inside me that likes surrendering control. I have always liked spanking and similar activities. It’s just the way I’m put together. But that alone isn’t enough to explain my current state. It certainly isn’t the norm among males who are in enforced chastity.
I think that a big reason for me, and maybe others, is that for some reason it became too painful to keep asking for sex. Rejection, even if not intended by my partner, is extremely painful for me. Mrs. Lion has a much lower interest in sex than I. Over the years that became painfully obvious to both of us. I did my best not to “bother” her about my needs after a while. She never rejected me or made me feel badly about being horny, but I knew that it was just me who wanted the sex.
This put distance between us. I was never very active as a masturbator. Generally, it didn’t feel all that good. So that wasn’t a particularly happy alternative to sex with Mrs. Lion, even if that sex was her masturbating me, which I have always loved.
Meanwhile, festering deep inside me were all those fantasies about being tied up, made to do things, being teased, spanked, etc. I had talked about them with Mrs. Lion. She doesn’t share this interest with me, but on occasion she indulged me and we played. I loved that.
After a while, a long while, I realized that I was shutting down sexually and emotionally. Mrs. Lion remained my best friend and the only person with whom I want to share my life, but I had begun resigning myself to losing all the sexual fun I had wanted for so very long. This made me sad, not depressed, but sad.
I tend toward finding and trying solutions when confronted by a problem. In the fall of 2013 I came across, quite by accident, chastity devices on Amazon. Aside from being amused that the venerable merchant was now an active sex toy dealer, I got turned on looking at the listings. My fantasies awakened. Masturbation became fun for a bit. More significantly, I decided I needed to look for a solution to my problem.
I asked Mrs. Lion for more sex and got some very nice handjobs. She agreed to play with me, but somehow life kept getting in the way. Over the years, I have reviewed sex toys. Manufacturers have provided them to me. I have a nice collection of chastity devices I have tested. None of them were particularly comfortable for me. So, I ordered some of the inexpensive devices on Amazon and later dhgate.com and tried them out. I didn’t wear them around Mrs. Lion, nor did I keep them on long. But I enjoyed my experiments. I finally found a cage that almost fit.
That’s when I asked Mrs. Lion to lock me up. I told her about my fantasy and asked if she would try it with me. As you know, she agreed. She’s made it very clear she is doing all this stuff because it makes me happy. It does. She is bringing to life my deepest sexual desires. I am so grateful and happy!
But, being the conflicted guy that I am, I also feel guilty. Unlike some caged males, I can’t really provide increased sexual pleasure to Mrs. Lion. She doesn’t want it. When she does I enthusiastically provide whatever she wishes. Now, when she reads this, I know that Mrs. Lion will feel badly that she isn’t horny more often for me. That isn’t the point at all. After simmering in my guilt for a while, I came to the conclusion that our enforced chastity is working for both of us.
In my narrow view, Mrs. Lion is providing me with the sexual pleasure I want. I kept thinking that I had to reciprocate in kind. Now I finally get it. She can have any kind of sex she wants with me when she wants it. I am no longer measuring my success as a caged male based on those activities. I finally realized that the best way I can reciprocate is to provide her with whatever she wants from me, sexual or not. I also have to accept what she does for and to me as gifts that don’t require reciprocation in kind. Easy to say but hard to do.
Our marriage has always been happy and mutual. I have always cooked, cleaned, and done the laundry as has Mrs. Lion. We share things on all levels. So, she can’t really find a lot to enforce in terms of those things. In my view, at least, we have worked that stuff out pretty well. The fact that we get along so well has gotten in the way of our power exchange.
What we both missed, however, was intimacy. For our separate reasons we have coexisted as best friends. I’m not complaining. I love being married to my best friend. But, since I’ve been locked up, our intimacy has grown dramatically. Sex once more is on the table. Slowly but steadily we are growing more and more intimate. We are working out miscommunications and are learning how to share sexually. My sexuality is completely under her control and she knows it. Just this fact forces us to talk more. We are both changing. I love that. I’m grateful we started this experiment.
Yes, it is true that I do the whole chastity thing and all his kinks because I want to make him happy. However, I do understand that doing “evil” things to him that he doesn’t necessarily like also, in the long run, makes him happy. That’s how I get through the punishment swats and other things I don’t like to do. I don’t have to like it. Of course, he doesn’t have to like it either.
Part of my power is balancing between the fun stuff and the not-so-fun (at the time) stuff. So when Lion does something nice, like cooking dinner for almost a whole week, I can wave my magic wand and make a Good Lion coupon appear for a free, bonus, no-strings-attached orgasm. Conversely, if he did something bad, like leave his dirty clothes all over the house, I can wave my magic wand and make a Naughty Lion coupon for five days added to his wait time. (Lion, if you do this now I will just laugh at you, but you will not get time added.)
I have always said I am open to suggestions. If Lion thinks five days is a long time for leaving his dirty clothes all over the house, he can certainly plead his case. Depending on his argument I may adjust the time. If he wanted to trade those extra five days for three days of no playing, I would think about it and make a decision. When he asked to trade his bonus orgasm for a day off his wait time I was willing to consider it. I am not unreasonable.
I don’t see any of this as topping from the bottom. He has a concern. We talk about it. I wouldn’t give him a reward coupon if I didn’t want him to use it. If there are restrictions they will be on the coupon. If I don’t put any restrictions on it because I forgot then it’s my fault, not his. A bonus orgasm coupon with no resetting the clock and no expiration date would be a very valuable coupon. No restrictions. Lucky Lion.
I do need to work on punishing him when I feel he is really topping from the bottom. It’s one thing to remind me that I forgot to give him punishment swats for something. It’s another thing to make a snide comment about breaking rules and not being punished. On Saturday he ate before me and I didn’t punish him. Sunday he dropped some food and said it probably didn’t matter because he wasn’t getting punished for anything anyway. So I waited for him to come out of the shower, told him Saturday’s transgression was forgiven because I had forgotten, and gave him four very hard swats with the scratchy, mean paddle on his freshly showered, tender buns. I think I made my point. But I need to do more.
Sometimes it’s difficult because I already feel like I’m doing so much for him and he’ll say something that let’s me know it’s not enough. He wants more. Part of me says “enough already!” and another part of me just adds it to the list. I can only do so much at one time, but I do try to incorporate things from the list when I can. I have to tell myself that my horny, pet Lion is a toddler at heart. He wants everything and sometimes he wants it all at once. It’s my job to tame him.
Sunday night, the night after my orgasm, I was restless and decidedly horny. This suprised Mrs. Lion who expected me to be a mellow, docile lion with no sex at all on my mind. I’ve noticed in the past that the day after I come, I am almost as horny as I was the day before. I can’t explain it, but I suspect that I am not alone. Last night, Mrs. Lion teased me I begged her to do it and accidentally gave me a ruined orgasm. Now, on Monday, I feel the way she thought I should on Sunday; mellow and docile.
If I’ve learned anything from our blog, Mrs. Lion and I have miscommunications more often than I imagined. I guess it shouldn’t be surprising, especially with a topic related to sex. Our chastity activities seem to magnify issues that probably existed earlier. A good example is the orgasm coupon Mrs. Lion gave me last week. As you can read in our posts over the last couple of days, we had very different ideas about how to understand the coupon and my reaction to receiving it. As you may recall, I had expressed some discomfort with the coupon since it made me feel that I was back in control. When I used it almost immediately, Mrs. Lion reacted by thinking that I gave in to my need for an orgasm, and did so very quickly.
I’ve learned something important. In transactions like this, or anything where there is a chance that there will be a misunderstanding, we need to make sure we are both on the same page. I should have asked Mrs. Lion to explain what her thinking was, beyond giving me a reward, when she issued the orgasm coupon. She should have discussed why I cashed it in.
Maybe I am over-thinking this. It isn’t, after all, a major issue in our lives or marriage. But I think it may reveal something we need to work on. Even though we have been at this for over nine months, I still have a lot to learn. One of the key things is getting a better understanding of what I expect and what Mrs. Lion expects from me.
She’s made it very clear that her objective is to make me happy. I am grateful for that. The challenge is how making me happy relates to doing things that I absolutely don’t want and are guaranteed to make me unhappy, at least in the short term. Based on my reading, we are not alone in this.
For example, I am very happy Mrs. Lion has taken charge. I absolutely hate that I have to wait twenty-one days to come. I was desperate this weekend. Mrs. Lion reacted to that and rewarded me with the now-infamous orgasm. She did it, she said, to give me a way to get relief if things got too bad. That is a truly loving thing to do for me. I’m sure in her mind she saw it that way. I can’t argue with those motives.
Since she is doing this for me and not for her own pleasure, it makes perfect sense to design the experience in a way that will “please” me the most. If, on the other hand, she also saw this as a chance to exercise control and play with me and train me, she might approach things a bit differently. It comes down to a value proposition: If the goal is to please me, then she would want to push me, but only as far as I wanted to be pushed. If, on the other hand, she was finding the game fun in its own right, she would want to make me go well past what I want and have me learn to find pleasure in different ways, like giving her sexual pleasure.
But that’s not how things are working right now. For one thing, Mrs. Lion wants a lot less sexual pleasure than I want to provide. So that area of “improvement” isn’t open. Either I don’t have that many behavioral issues that Mrs. Lion would like to see me change or she doesn’t want to address them. Another area for change is off the table. It’s true I do have some rules and I do break them occasionally. But I truly do my best to be good and not displease her.
On my side, I worry that if I grumble too much or express how frustrated I am, that Mrs. Lion will simply give in and give me the pleasure I am missing. So far she as done that. Is it wrong? No, it certainly isn’t. In the context of our enforced chastity being for my pleasure, it is probably very sensible. Unfortunately, it isn’t what I want.
I realize that today, after a full orgasm on Saturday and a ruined one last night, it’s pretty easy for me to say that I want Mrs. Lion to be stricter. On Saturday afternoon, after 11 days of waiting, that would be the last thing I wanted. I’m starting to realize that as much as I like the idea, I am the last person to decide what is best for me. I’m not even sure what I really want other than wanting to surrender sexual and behavioral control .
I feel great today. My hormones are back in balance. I’m not thinking about sex constantly. I’m bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. But I have a nagging feeling that I have done something wrong. That feeling, I think, may be from my sense that I took back control when I was so desperate and got the immediate satisfaction I wanted. I took advantage of Mrs. Lion’s generous nature, so now I feel guilty. Maybe there is no way to really make me happy.