Is It Time To Stop?
Yesterday was punishment day. On Sunday, I ate before Mrs. Lion. Last night, she remembered my transaction and I was spanked. I wasn’t a bit aroused at the prospect. I just wanted it to be done so I could relax and watch TV. I think that’s a sure sign that the novelty of our FLR with discipline has completely worn off. Does that mean it is time to stop? Could we stop if I decided I wanted to?
Mrs. Lion works hard to provide the FLR disciplinary environment I asked her to provide. She’s become very effective in her role. I’m accountable for every infraction of my rules. Disciplinary spanking is a regular part of our lives. So now that all this is well out of the fantasy-made-true zone, we can consider the true value of FLR with discipline. I realize that I’m not in the best position to make a decision regarding the value of our power exchange. I think there are objective ways to determine if we are going in the right direction.
One important signal is how Mrs. Lion approaches it. She has become more consistent and her spankings more painful. Last night, when I asked if I could finish my post before being spanked, she cheerfully told me I could. She informed me that she had already selected her paddle. Clearly, she doesn’t hate punishing me. I suspect she might enjoy it; just a little.
The big question is: Has FLR with discipline helped me be better? Have I learned anything under the shadow of the paddle? I think I have. I believe I interrupt less and I pay a great deal more attention to what Mrs. Lion wants. The frequency of rule breaking has also gone down.
Ok, I know that so far the rules are relatively trivial and the punishments are often fairly mild. But that was the idea. We both wanted a chance to take baby steps before moving to the next level. Now that we are incorporating all this as part of our routine, where do we go now?
I don’t know the answer to that question. I suspect Mrs. Lion doesn’t either. Maybe there isn’t an obvious answer. Maybe I need more rules that are easier to break. The reason that might help is the easier it is for me to get in trouble, the closer attention I have to pay to being obedient. That makes sense to me, but like most things, it provokes another question: Is our goal for me to become more obedient?
It might be. Can I be obedient and still be myself? I’ve thought about that a lot. I don’t think I can ever be subsumed by enforced obedience. I’m too independent. No matter how many spankings I have to endure, I’m not going to change. What will change is that Mrs. Lion will come into sharper focus. I will learn to do whatever she wishes. But I will still be me in the end.
My answer to the initial question about it being the time to stop is, no. It’s still very early in the process of my training. Check in with me in another year or so.
RodeoH Rider
As promised, I put the Silk dildo into the RodeoH and pegged Lion last night. Our position, with him laying over the bed while propped up on a pillow, was a bit awkward. His feet were together and I was straddling them. I’m not sure it would have made much difference if his feet were apart.
I’d assumed he’d be on his back propped up on the pillow. He chose to be face down. Next time maybe we’ll try the other way. I’m not convinced it would have been better. We’re in the experimental phase here. I’m sure we’ll try all sorts of things until we find something we prefer.
The RodeoH was okay. It was better for actual fucking. In terms of being able to see where I was aiming the dildo for insertion, it was worse. And I couldn’t determine how far I could pull out to be able to push back in for a deeper thrust. I assume that will get better as we do it more often.
Lion is already asking to go to a realistic dildo. I’ll have to see what sizes we have to determine whether we can easily segue from the Silk to realistic without too much trouble. Then I’ll have to figure out if I use the RodeoH or my hand to start out. Maybe we need to stick to the Silk while we practice different positions. If there isn’t much difference between the Silk and realistic we may be able to change with no issues.
After Lion wrote his post about his pegging, I snuggled in to edge him. He’s been very horny and very hard when I play with him. I decided to use the Magic Wand on him. At that point I was just going to edge him. And then I thought about giving him an orgasm. I was still trying to decide which to do when he started making his I’m-getting-close noises. I haven’t been making him wait long at all so I figured I’d let him come. Of course, he’ll take an orgasm any old time.
I Was Ridden In The Rodeoh
We both agreed that the experience was pleasant, if not orgasmic. Mrs. Lion commented that it was easier to fuck me. Her only challenge was knowing when she might have pulled out too little or too much. Practice makes perfect, dear lioness. I’m still processing my feelings. I absolutely feel fine about the experience. I just don’t know if I feel more submissive during or after being pegged.
There’s no question that I know I am submissive. Feeling Mrs. Lion’s dildo moving in and out of my ass makes that point absolutely undeniable. Julie, of Strict Julie Spanks, commented:
“I very much enjoy feminizing my man a bit before his peggings. Maybe panties slid down his legs, or banded around his ankles where he can see them as he’s fucked missionary. Or garter belt and stockings. A bra. A schoolgirl skirt flipped up. I mean, we really are reversing roles here after all, he should look the part at least!”
I reacted by thinking, “Oh, no! Not that too!” Julie’s written about some of her pegging experiences. Not only does she dress him as a female, she makes a strong point of reminding him that he is being fucked like a woman. Mrs. Lion never mentioned anything about feeling that we were reversing roles. I’ve never fantasized about being feminized. While being pegged, no thought of me being female, gay, or being fucked like a woman crossed my mind. I just thought about how I am learning to more easily accept anal penetration.
Being pegged is another way Mrs. Lion can demonstrate her dominance. It’s also possibly something I could learn to enjoy sexually. After all, she is stimulating my prostate. I don’t know what other guys feel, but I suspect that being pegged is more sensory than social. In my case, I don’t think of women as lower on the sexual/social totem pole. How could I? She’s in charge. So, being treated as a woman carries no stigma for me. I don’t enjoy wearing female undies or other clothing. I feel silly and embarrassed. Wearing panties to work adds an element of potential embarrassment.
I also don’t have any particular feelings about gay sex. If a guy likes penises, so what? It doesn’t say anything about him other than a preference I don’t share. So, a silicone cock that goes up my ass or into my mouth is something I wouldn’t do on my own. When Mrs. Lion asserts herself by dressing me in female clothing or pegging me, I feel her control of me. It’s another way she sexually dominates me.
It also felt pretty good last night.
Tired and Achy
I did attempt to play with Lion last night after he wrote his post. I managed to get him hard but we didn’t get very far because of his allergies. He’s been itchy and uncomfortable. I vacuumed and that helped but he didn’t want me to change the bed because I’d already done so much yesterday. It’s true.
We went to Costco. Lion still can’t lift things so it’s up to me to load and unload heavy things from the cart. The fridge needed to be cleaned out and he said it would be difficult for him to do so I did it. The freezer needed to be defrosted so I did it. I also took out a few bags of garbage. I was hot and sweaty by the time I got the freezer reloaded.
Lion cooked dinner and I washed the dishes. I was tired. I go to bed tired. I wake up tired. I go to bed achy. I wake up achy. Any activity I do makes me both more tired and more achy. Ironically, activity will help me be less achy. To a point. Obviously I can’t just keep moving 24 hours a day. And as soon as I stop the achiness sets in again.
A little while ago we got most of the stuff out of the camper. We put the food away and I’m in the process of doing laundry. There’s at least three loads of clothes to do. The towels and bedding can wait for another day. I need to change our bed and manscape the Lion.
We have to figure out dinner and there’s a football game on. And, yes, I’ll play on my iPad in between things. I’ll be tired and achy, but I’m always tired and achy and I don’t always feel like playing because I’m tired and achy. But we will play tonight because we didn’t play last night and the first commitment I made to Lion when we started enforced chastity is that I will play with him at least every other night.
Between now and tonight I’ll load up the RodeoH with the Silk dildo and I’ll be ready for Lion. Will he be ready for me?
