When most people think of male chastity they immediately think of orgasm deprivation. If the purpose of locking a man’s penis up is to keep him from playing with it then depriving him of sexual release seems obvious. After all, he should be pleasing his keyholder. Those are the rules. I’ve never been one to follow the rules. I think that’s why I’ve been having such a hard time topping Lion. Besides, aren’t I the one making the rules?
If you’ve been following us, you know that my libido is in the dumpster. I think one of the reasons many keyholders are able to be so successful is that they are as horny as their caged male. When they want to be pleasured they just order their males to perform. That’s not the case with Lion and I. It’s not that I don’t want Lion. I just don’t want sex. Not interested in my own pleasure at the moment. So when the rules say your caged male has to pleasure you, where does that leave me?
Perhaps I’m evolving from just wanting Lion caged because it makes him happy into creating my own pleasure even if it isn’t a sexual pleasure. I decided the other day that Lion should have to give me an orgasm every night. And since I don’t particularly care about having an orgasm of my own, I’ve been taking one of his. Yes, he has been having an orgasm every night (except the night he couldn’t handle a little Icy Hot on his balls) because it pleases me. Does it please him? Sure it does! But the other night he didn’t really look like he was in the mood. Tough! I want my orgasm. And I took it. Was it a long, slow blow job that curled his toes? Yes, indeedy. Did I have fun doing it? Absolutely!
So how did I reach my “aha” moment? I found the hidden message when I played the record backwards. My key, my rules. There may come a time when my libido wakes up again and then I’ll figure out how to manage that aspect. For now, I’m giving him exactly what he asked for. I control his penis. It’s mine and I can give him an orgasm whenever I want.
In an earlier post, Mrs. Lion mentioned that caging me didn’t mean I would necessarily be denied orgasms, it could mean I would get many of them. She even suggested I might have to come many times in a single day. This certainly sheds a new light on forced male chastity!
Her point is well taken. Most of us, especially caged males, think of forced chastity as a frustrating sexual desert. Many want that. They want the denial and teasing as a way to demonstrate sexual submission. Many celebrate how long they have gone without release. I admit that I never wanted to run the abstinence marathon. I want the sexual control. So when lioness wrote about daily orgasms as an activity for me, I scratched my head for a bit and then realized that this was a very valid form of sexual control.
The process began this last Wednesday I received a very nice handjob and enjoyed the orgasm immensely. The process was repeated every day except Saturday. On Saturday afternoon, lioness put IcyHot on my balls. I couldn’t take the burn and asked to wash it off. She let me. Then she said that since I didn’t suffer through the IcyHot, I wouldn’t get my daily orgasm. I was a little relieved. Orgasms resumed on Sunday when I was surprised with great oral sex. Last night I came yet again. My semen production is pretty low at this point, but it still feels great to get teased and then get release. Stay tuned. Apparently lioness is not done with the series.
She also wrote about multiple orgasms in a single day. It appears her plan is to masturbate me to orgasm every hour or two (or some other interval). This is great fun in the beginning, but after two or three, it gets uncomfortable (sore penis) and increasingly difficult to come. That difficulty makes it take longer and make the penis sorer. It’s funny how something we crave can turn into something we want to stop.
I wonder whether I will become conditioned to want sex much more frequently and as a result, make waiting even more difficult. Devious lioness!
While I have been active in the leather community for decades, it was generally as a top. My forays into bottoming were two or three hour play sessions. Non of that prepared me for my current situation. Now that I have been caged, I find myself as a full-time bottom. I’ve written about this before, but not so personally. In my fantasies my keyholder made rules for me to follow, spanked me if I didn’t do as I should, and generally acted as my erotic goddess. I knew full well that if I asked to embark on forced male chastity that it would never be like that.
The reality has been much more difficult than I imagined. First of all, Mrs. Lion had no real idea what forced chastity was about. You could argue that I had no idea either when we started. I had worn devices for a few days at a time, so I at least understood the mechanics. I had my fantasies and I had my years of experience as a top. So, I was ahead of the game in that sense. I did know how it should be played.
There is a lot of difference between knowing and doing. The hardest lesson for me so far is for me to stop telling Mrs. Lion what I want. This is commonly called topping from the bottom. It can range from the obvious, “I like it better when you spank me this way.” to subtle requests for attention. I was saying, “I’m horny.” way more often than I should. After realizing that I may be topping from the bottom, I figured the best move was to stop asking at all. That way, at least, I wouldn’t be topping.
This phase lasted a week or so. I mentioned to Mrs. Lion that I was avoiding signalling that I was horny. Her response surprised me. She said, “Why?”
I told her that I thought it was a form of topping. She pointed out that just because I said I wanted sex didn’t mean she would give it to me. She left me with the impression that as long as I didn’t make a pest of myself, she liked hearing if my sexual temperature was rising. Lesson learned. Don’t assume you are a good boy just because you shut up.
If you’ve been reading here, you know that I have some practical knowledge about effective physical topping. At the same time I stopped giving my sexual weather report, I also stopped making suggestions. Again, I was reminded that just because I have a bright idea doesn’t mean that Mrs. Lion will adopt it. Some of my ideas are getting adopted. One of them: a remote controlled doggy shock collar was really intriguing.
I talked about it with Mrs.Lion. We discussed what she could do with it. Then the subject dropped. On Sunday she said that she had been thinking. She hates when I interrupt her. She thought that the shocks would be a good way to train me not to do it. I agreed and ordered a shock collar for us. The collar arrives today. Since I ordered it Sunday, I’ve had some time to consider the folly of my suggestions. This training tool has the potential to actually change my behavior. It won’t be pleasant for me and it will require me to change as my keyholder wishes.
That is a sobering thought. It’s what brought me to write on this topic. It’s one thing to be a good boy and get a nice spanking when naughty. The spanking takes preparation and work on the part of my keyholder. The shock collar just requires a press of a button to correct me. No erotic undressing, no assuming the position, no lengthy discipline ritual; just Zap no matter where I am and what I am wearing. Discipline is instant and unpleasant. As I think about it, that is exactly what discipline should be. That doesn’t mean that I am looking forward to this new form of lion control. Well, maybe I am. It is exciting to contemplate. I have a feeling that my next post on this subject might have a different tone. It may turn into one of those things I hate while they happen, but get hard thinking about it afterward.
In a way it’s ironic that when you finally get what you want, it can turn out to take away something you need. This is the theme of the “deal with the devil” stories. The hero makes a deal with the devil for wealth or women (or men for that matter), and then gets sick or loses other precious parts of his life. The moral, of course, is that we have so much more than we realize that when we replace it with something we think want more. I suspect that something similar can happen with forced male chastity.
It makes sense to me. Being locked up and feeling my keyholder’s control has been something I have wanted for a long time. It hasn’t been that Mrs. Lion has been unwilling and finally relented. It has been something inside me that stopped me from trying. I can’t explain why I decided finally to try chastity for real, but some switch inside me flipped and I did. Now I have been locked up a few months and have settled in to my new role. My lioness has become more and more actively using her authority. It should be perfect, right?
I have to admit that in many ways it is. I am getting what I wanted. I am also learning that it’s not as easy to surrender as I thought. I’m not making it as easy as I should for my keyholder. In some ways forced chastity has improved our relationship. It has forced us to talk about needs we both have. Communication has improved. So, in that respect this is certainly not a deal with the devil.
But there is a hidden loss. It’s the very necessary man/woman relating as lovers and friends that can disappear into the forced chastity power exchange. While chastity power exchange is by definition, intimate, it isn’t the same intimacy as lying in each others arms and just feeling the love you share. Years ago I was in a power exchange relationship as a full time top. I loved my bottom. That was the problem. If we were to have a full time top/bottom relationship, where was the room for love as equals?
It’s obvious then that all we have to do is make some time for this important expression of our love. Obvious but not easy. Some couples, when they come to this conclusion, actually schedule time for this. That goes against what most of us like to believe about love. We like to think it is spontaneous and need no planning. This is where the deal with the devil takes its bite out of us. In a relationship where we have added a power exchange, we have effectively removed the bottom’s ability to spontaneously initiate affectionate lovemaking.
Ok, that possibility does exist now, but not in the minds of many caged men. We are learning that sex (and in most men’s minds that also equates to affection) should be under the control of our keyholders. On the other hand, our keyholders value spontaneous affection more than planned encounters. There’s the rub. Many women consider affection initiated by their partners to be more meaningful than affection they initiate. Caged males believe that initiating affection breaks the rules of their chastity. So we get our beloved power exchange but apparently have to trade it for a loss to our relationships. The classic deal with the devil.
If this loss isn’t dealt with, one of two things will happen: the chastity will end due to the loss of emotional connection, or the relationship will end for the same reason. I don’t want either outcome. What it means to me is that I have to talk about this with my keyholder. I have to work with her to find a way to take breaks from our chastity lifestyle and return for a few hours to our vanilla relationship. We need to do this regularly. I, particularly, have to realize that my keyholder is paying a price for my chastity and I have to make sure that I give back what she needs to be happy with me, us, and forced male chastity.