Accommodation
Our male chastity practice is being challenged. The carefully built routine is disrupted in a very unexpected way: My shoulder injury is serious and will require surgery and a long period of recuperation. Before surgery I am suffering considerable shoulder pain, particularly at night.
This pain has made Mrs. Lion much more tentative about physically approaching me. I am also not wearing my cage because when I am wild, I can pee standing up. This is easier than sitting and having to use my shoulder to help stand and sit. It may be that I can wear the cage until surgery, but after it, I can’t for quite a long time.
Two things are new: First, I am wild (cage free). Second, I am in pain much of the time. Mrs. Lion suggested that because of the pain, I should let her know when I want an orgasm or play. I didn’t want this. I believe that our established power structure shouldn’t change because of this medical condition. Mrs. Lion agreed to remain in charge and decide when I would be edged and when I would be allowed to come.
Mrs. Lion decided to look to me for “cues” that I am available for fun. So, if she saw me reading my iPad, she interpreted that as meaning I didn’t want attention. She looked for other cues as well. The net result has been that we have had almost no physical/sexual contact.
It feels to me that we have returned to the “bad old days” before male chastity. There is a big difference, however. We now communicate. So, yesterday I brought this up. I asked if Mrs. Lion thinks that this change is at least partly due to me being wild for so long. She doesn’t think so.
She said that the issue was her concern about my discomfort. I suggested that she proceed exactly the way she has for the last three years: just go ahead and approach me. When I wear the cage, she comes over to my side of the bed and removes the cage. Then, in a while she will move over and snuggle. The generally moves to teasing and edging followed occasionally with an orgasm. She will also bring her “bag of tricks” on occasion and do some CBT before moving on to edging and orgasm. Sometimes she brings other toys as well.
Things aren’t exactly broken. Neither of us wants to change the hard-won sexual success. We just have to learn how to integrate my injury and recovery into our great pattern. We’re not ready to let injury and disability interfere with us. We need to have our own disability accommodation plan. Things won’t be the same. That’s ok as long as we maintain the most physical intimacy we can.
Us
We have not been playing. We haven’t been snuggling much either. I had the idea to let Lion take the lead on things, he rejected the idea, and I never really picked the ball back up.
This morning, Lion suggested he may need to wear the cage again. The implication is that the cage makes things happen. I don’t think it’s the non-cage that is affecting things. I’m just never sure when Lion is in pain or ready to play. There’s a cure for that, though: communication.
I could, oh I don’t know, actually ask Lion if he’s in the mood for snuggling or more. What a concept! You mean talk to him? Hmmmm. Could it be that simple? Maybe the cage makes communication happen.
We have had lots going on lately. Lion is buried in his iPad looking for surgery answers. I’m just buried in my iPad normally. Sometimes I look over and he seems busy so I don’t want to bother him. But that’s silly. He can put his iPad down for a while, just as I can. There’s nothing more important than snuggling at some point in the evening.
Obviously, if Lion is in pain, it may not be full contact snuggling. But there’s nothing stopping me from rolling over and at least holding his hand or snuggling up to his good shoulder. He wouldn’t even have to stop reading.
Whether or not we actually play or I edge him, it’s still important to be close. We have been talking. It’s just mostly been about surgery. We need more “us” conversations. “Us” is what will get us through the surgery and “us” will be around a lot longer than the surgery and recovery.
Tonight, “us” will talk more. That may lead to snuggling and activities.
Use Your Head (The One On Your Shoulders)
I read a post on one of the female-dominant blogs that reminded me of a common error in the “femdom” mythology. It talked about how a man will agree to anything when extremely aroused. The myth claims that just before ejaculation, a guy will make promises if he thinks that by doing so, his partner will let him come. The idea behind this is that men are ruled by their penises.
That’s not a mistaken idea. But the timing is off in this case. Guys are well known to do things they hate if they believe they will get laid when they do. Think back to your dating days. Did you visit an art gallery, go to a concert, or see a chick flick because you knew your date would enjoy it and you would reap the benefits? The prospect of sex later is a powerful male motivator. We want to please our potential sex partners.
Back to the myth. If Mrs. Lion started to talk to me about something she wanted me to do or get just before orgasm, I would be distracted and lose the immediate urge to come. I don’t think I am unusual. I concentrate on the sensations very intensely when I am almost ready to squirt.
I’ve seen dozens of posts by “women” bloggers. – who knows if they are female or not – that claim the way to make a male obedient and agree to anything is to get him close to orgasm. I’m sure the readers of these posts are almost all males. It’s a hot fantasy to think that you can be turned into a virtual slave by a simple hand job. Give me a break!
I will agree that most guys lose interest in providing sexual stimulation to a woman after they ejaculate. That’s not to say that some of us will continue pleasing long after orgasm. But it isn’t as much fun. Many guys just withdraw. It’s an upsetting behavior to an unsatisfied partner who has to resort to her vibrator instead of his cock or tongue.
It’s easy to see how the myth got started. If a guy stops wanting to please his partner after he comes, then he will be most interested the hotter he gets. I think that’s generally true. But extending that thought to assume that he is most willing to do anything if he is on the edge of orgasm is just wrong.
That’s the physical side. Now let’s consider the message of this myth. It’s actually saying that a husband or lover needs to be in a super aroused state before he can be relied on to do something his partner asks. Really? If Mrs. Lion wants something, anything, all she has to do is ask. I will move heaven and earth to do it. My penis isn’t even hard. The reason is very simple: I love her and I want her to be happy.
For the record, without FLR, male chastity, or any other kink, that is true of me. None of that stuff changed the way I feel about giving her what she wants. Locked in a cage or wild, I will happily do anything she wants. If I just ejaculated, nothing changes. I may not enjoy it as much, but I will love seeing her orgasms.
The reason silly posts like this bother me is that some guys start believing this crap. They actually stop doing things out of love and wait until their partners either force them or jerk them to the edge of orgasm to do things their partners want. I understand that by feeding these hot fantasies, the writers sell books. One of the main reasons we started this blog was to provide reliable female-friendly information.
2.5 or 3.0
I am an idiot. I even saw Lion put the training collar on before we went out last night and I completely forgot about zapping him at all. I usually give him a buzz to let him know I am aware he has it on. When we got home he said I didn’t zap him. Duh! Idiot.
Once we were settled in, it didn’t take Lion long to snooze. We started watching TV and he was out. We didn’t sleep well the night before, but we’ve also been a little lax on our low carb diet. We’re both convinced it’s the carbs that knock him out in the evening. Tonight we need to get back on track. Protein and veggies.
Today is Lion’s appointment with our family doctor. He needs to get clearance for surgery and we have a ton of questions. Lion wants to make sure he has the best surgeon lined up. We have questions about aftercare. Despite all the info we’ve read, we still feel like we’re flying blind. And Lion is still positive I’ll leave him because he’ll need so much help. That’s just not going to happen.
Well, he may lose me, but he’ll gain 2.0. Then, if he’s too much of a horrible patient, he might get 2.5 or even 3.0. Uh oh. I think 2.0 is kind of a bitch. I have no idea what 2.5 or 3.0 will be like. Maybe a drill sergeant, barking orders at him. “Stay in bed! Move that elbow! Put that sling back on! Don’t lift that!” He may want me to leave.
We’ll be fine as long as I realize he’s in pain and not really himself, and he realizes I’m doing all I can to help him get better. He may yell at me in frustration and I may yell right back at him, but I’m not going anywhere. We belong together.
