Humiliation
I’m pretty sure no one but our readers knows what goes on in our house. I certainly don’t know what goes on in other people’s houses. Some people make comments about training their husbands to empty the dishwasher or spanking them if they step out of line, but I think they would be appalled if they knew they were in the same room with someone who actually does those things. Maybe not appalled. Maybe shocked. Maybe jealous. They certainly wouldn’t be going to a gathering of “weirdos” like Kinkfest.
I’ve only been to one convention(?) like that. It was eye-opening. It was a little strange. This was before Lion was locked in a chastity device and punished for breaking rules. We were just “normal” kinky people. I definitely felt out of place. Lion was in his element. He knew some people because he was active in the community for a long time. My assumption is that he’ll know some people at Kinkfest. My assumption is that I’ll still feel out of place.
A while ago, one of us (I thought it was Lion) found a shirt that said something about being a keyholder or being locked in chastity. I think it was Lion who suggested we should get them to wear to Kinkfest. Then he said he didn’t know if he wanted to wear something that labeled him as submissive. It’s a little humiliating. Here’s Lion, known for being a slave owner and dominant, now announcing his cock is locked away.
Recently, I was looking at the shirts again to see if I could find one that would work. When I showed him, he again said he wasn’t sure he wanted to broadcast his situation. What’s interesting is that when we first registered for Kinkfest, he asked if they needed anymore speakers. He knows that male chastity isn’t normally represented and he was willing to volunteer us (how did I get dragged into that?) as speakers. But now he’s not sure he wants to draw attention to his caged cock.
Sure, I have the authority to make him wear any shirt I want him to wear, especially in circumstances where we know we’re among “friends”. The question is, do I want to? It’s possible, with people dressed as ponies and puppies and babies, it would help us “belong”. (Lots of air quotes today.) Another thought I had was that it would be an icebreaker. People might be interested in something they’ve never really thought about. Certainly no one would be in a position to think we’re strange.
The main thing is that I don’t want Lion to be humiliated. It’s different when he’s home and he wandering around in a pee-filled diaper. Or even a diaper in public with clothes on so no one can see. Or if I paint his toenails and we go out shopping. No one sees his toes. He knows they’re purple, but no one else does. Still, it’s a little humiliating because if they did know…. So I’m nixing the whole idea of any shirt that says he’s caged or that I hold the key or that he can’t come unless I give him permission. If he wants to share that information, he can, but he doesn’t need to wear a billboard proclaiming it. I want him to be comfortable.
Our Foolproof Technique
Yesterday was one of those days that was so full of work to do that I didn’t have much time to think of anything else. I often think about what I might write during my commutes. All I thought about last night was, you guessed it: work. Sex hasn’t been on my mind. There are a couple of good reasons for this: The first is that my shoulder is hurting and I am a bit worried about what Friday’s MRI will reveal. The other is that my allergies are acting up and I feel itchy.
I’ve also been extra careful to avoid breaking any rules. The prospect of a spanking is even less appealing than usual. I didn’t think that was possible; but it is. In short, I’m in a bit of a funk; at least about sex and BDSM play. That is especially challenging when I am supposed to be writing daily posts for a blog about male chastity and domestic discipline. My usual go-to approach is to discuss some factor of one of those practices that has been on my mind. Fortunately for me, I have one for today.
Have you noticed that some blogs seem to be about smooth, consistent progress toward being more dominant or submissive as the case may be. I shake my head in wonder when I read them. If you’ve been following our lives, our progress has been anything but consistent and smooth. There are times like this when I lose interest and whine about being “broken”. Other times Mrs. Lion disappears into her iPad and avoids any of our kinky, sexual pursuits.
In my opinion, one of our most spectacular discoveries is that we can reduce these negative times by formalizing what used to be random. Scheduling punishment days is our first and best example. Actually that’s not true. Our first and best was locking my penis in a chastity device. That diabolical device triggered a revolution in our physical intimacy.
On one of my commutes, not today’s, featured thoughts about our approach to problem solving. It starts with one of us getting to the point that we just have to say something about a relationship issue. We are famously slow to do this. Once it comes out, there is always a resolution to fix the problem. Promises are made and we follow up. For a while.
In the past, we gradually fell back into our old pattern. Since you can’t exactly do that with a cage locked on your cock, instead of falling back, we sprang ahead and made positive relationship progress. Thanks in large part to this blog, we analyzed our success and realized that we needed to be “forced” to maintain change until it became embedded in our lives. That’s what happened with the chastity device. It is a permanent part of my wardrobe, so to speak.
By reading and writing, Mrs. Lion and I came to the conclusion that we needed ways to force ourselves to maintain a change. Since change is inconvenient at best and usually painful, we wanted to replicate the success that cage on my penis brought us. Voila! Why don’t we schedule things we would otherwise neglect? It was magic.
Not long after we established Monday and Thursday as punishment days, Mrs. Lion was swatting away any time I broke a rule. She didn’t wait for punishment night. Domestic discipline had embedded itself in our lives.
We’re trying the same technique with BDSM play. Our last posts are about this latest innovation. It’s off to a slow start. Tuesday night was play night. Mrs. Lion got out her CBT toys. I asked if we could skip playing. She’ll try again on Friday. Hopefully I will be in the mood. The point of all this isn’t that we will play more often, though we will. It’s that play is something we schedule and at least attempt three times a week. Pretty soon, the scheduled days won’t be the only times we play. But for now our foolproof technique to change things is at work again.
That’s the Plan, Man
Our first play night was, I don’t want to say unsuccessful, but we didn’t play. It was successful in that I remembered to attempt to play. Lion just wasn’t in the mood. He asked if that was okay. Of course. There shouldn’t be any pressure to play. We can try again tonight if he’s in a better mood. I’m not saying we have to play on a certain night, or that we can’t play on any other night. I’m merely making an effort to make sure Lion gets the play he needs.
I’m more of a laid back person. I tend to let things go. That’s one of the reasons we were at the point of Lion masturbating rather than asking me for sex. I humored him by locking him up and agreeing to tease him certain times. I like to think we’ve been experimenting a lot lately, but the truth is, we’ve been experimenting for over three years now. The biggest experiment is male chastity.
Once we got the chastity experiment under way, we ran into a bit of a hiccup with play. Every night was too much for Lion. Eventually I let it go and we didn’t play at all. I think we tend to go in cycles. He’ll remind me he misses play, I’ll play with him, something happens, and we don’t play. Rinse and repeat. This time I’m taking a page from the punishment book. I’m scheduling play dates. If there is nothing to punish him for, the night goes on without any punishment. Similarly, if he doesn’t want play, the night goes on without play. I’m hoping play follows the same lines as punishment. I don’t need an actual day to punish him. If he’s done something wrong, or if he needs to be swatted, he gets it. Maybe I won’t need an actual day to play with him. If he’s receptive to play, we’ll play.
That’s the plan, man. We’ve been doing pretty well with our experiments. Let’s see if this one works.
Tuesday, Friday, And Sunday
Mrs. Lion has set up a generous play schedule for me. She doesn’t expect that I will want play three times a week. But if I do, the time is available. That’s incredibly kind of her. She must really love me to be willing to do that. Of course, I know she does.
Actually, playtime requires both of us to be in the mood. Since it is for my benefit, I need to want it. But then, so does Mrs. Lion. She needs to have the energy and interest to put in the considerable effort our play takes. The classic approach to BDSM play is a little different; just a little. Typically, the top and bottom make a play date. They agree on a time and place for the fun.
After marriage, the concept of dating, any kind of dating, can vanish. Living together makes it too easy to take one another for granted. In my case, that has usually resulted in BDSM play slowly fading into a fond memory. “Play” is something you do in your spare time. Right? Work, family, chores, shopping, etc. come first.
Obviously, survival issues must take precedence. Dealing with children and pets are strong seconds. I can’t argue with that. But aren’t your needs and the needs of your partner priorities too? Of course they are. Mrs. Lion and I always put each other first. Sadly, that doesn’t translate into making time for fun things.
Until now, play is sort of an afterthought. We do it when we have nothing else on the schedule. Usually, that’s a Saturday or Sunday afternoon when we’ve finished chores. Generally, I ask Mrs. Lion if we can play. She almost always agrees. I’m very lucky that way. But I don’t ask often.
It’s not because I don’t want to; no not at all. I just feel guilty because I know Mrs. Lion is tired and just wants to relax and disappear into her iPad. Now that she has established that we can play on Tuesdays, Fridays and Sundays, I won’t feel guilty if I end up asking. She might ask too. We only play if we both feel ready and in the mood.
This new schedule is based on our success with punishment days. When we began domestic discipline, Mrs. Lion would note an infraction and promise to punish me later. Generally, later never came. Then we set Monday and Thursday as designated punishment days. For a while, I had to keep track of my sins and report them on punishment days. Then, I would get duly chastised.
It works very well. Nowadays, Mrs. Lion rarely waits for punishment day. She just spanks me at the first convenient moment (for her!). Perhaps this will happen with play as well. In the meantime I have three chances a week for BDSM fun. How cool is that?
