My Realities
Lion and I often (read: usually) have different takes on things. When he first suggested a contract some months ago, I said I didn’t think we needed one because we’d just use our common sense. Last week he decided a contract would help me feel less guilty when I’m doing mean things to him. He also wants to know specific times he’ll be teased or played with.
I’m more of a laid back person. I could never have a job in which I had meeting after meeting after meeting. I don’t like the structure. Lion thrives in that environment. I can understand why he would want a schedule of play times. He doesn’t want to be ignored or feel abandoned. But penciling him in for Thursday at 8 pm for a spanking doesn’t really work for me. I like a more spontaneous timing. I’m more likely to not want to play with him at that particular point in time simply because it’s forced.
As for his idea that a contract will make me more secure in the knowledge that he really wants me to hurt him? He could have a contract written in blood, and a tattoo across his butt that says “Spank here” and I wouldn’t feel any differently about going too far and really hurting him. I know he wants me to do these things to him. Otherwise I wouldn’t be doing them.
What if Lion wants to stop doing things? With or without a contract my answer is the same: let’s discuss it and we’ll come to a decision. He told me a long time ago that playing wasn’t important to him. Well that’s obviously not true. So if he wants to stop it’s most likely because he thinks I want to stop. I didn’t do all this work to give up now.
I do agree that we need to revisit things from time to time. That’s where the common sense comes in. Do we need a week off from chastity? Let’s discuss. What if we agreed to a week of ass play but two days in he’s too sore to continue? So we stop. Even if the contract says I can continue, we stop.
Whether we have a contract or not, if I am in charge, we’re using the common sense approach. Lion’s input is still needed. His suggestions and requests are still welcomed. I will decide what to do with it.
I will honor the schedule of teasing him every other day, which was my suggestion, unless it becomes too structured or smothering to me. At which point we’ll discuss it. Again, there’s that common sense.
And, for the record, Lion got another orgasm last night because I felt like giving him one. I know that’s two unscheduled orgasms when he was supposed to have a five day wait. Sue me! I wanted him to come. And what I say goes, contract or no contract.
[She has spoken! We do have very different views of the world. It’s one reason I love her so much. — Lion]
Fourth Of July Fireworks and then a July Sixth Surprise
We have just returned from a long July Fourth weekend camping trip. Well, no tents or bedrolls, just our large RV. Mrs. Lion calls it a “camper”. I think of it as a luxury hotel on wheels that we tow with our truck. If you recall, I got a set of bed restraints for use in said camper. We used them once earlier this season. This time there were no restraints but a great deal of activity. My 12 day wait was up on Friday.True to her word, after making me wait hours and hours, she had me lie face down on the bed. She warmed me up with a hand spanking that had me hard in seconds. She followed that with a 1-inch-thick rubber paddle from my extreme pain collection. It had never been used on me. I used it on several sweet bottoms to their screams and later delight. Since we were at a state park, I did all my screaming into a pillow. Wow that thing smarts. Mrs. Lion wasn’t holding back. She made sure I was nice and red before she asked me to roll over (my favorite lion trick to perform).
Once on my back, she teased me very close to the edge a couple of times, then as promised, rode me reverse cowgirl. Oh I love that.! More interestingly to me, Mrs. Lion was very wet and ready from the first instant. Her sleeping libido must have awakened. That was such a treat! It didn’t take long for me to finish. Mrs. Lion lay on her back and told me to clean her up. I did a very good job, I think. She came at least twice and I had a great taste treat. I could smell her on my face for hours later. Yum!
This was amazing sex for both of us. Before I was locked up our sex life was very one way. Mrs. Lion would give me a handjob now and then. On rarer occasions I would masturbate her. Not inspiring. Now, after my longest wait, twelve days, we had the best sex we have had in many years. I’m convinced that my wait turned out to be as erotic for Mrs. Lion as it was for me. It’s worth waiting if we can both be so happy.
After we finished, Mrs. Lion told me that my next orgasm would be in five days (Wednesday, July 9). I was glowing from the sex and thought that was a fine idea. Saturday we did touristy things and had a pleasant, if-not-romantic-day. Sunday was pretty much the same until that evening I mentioned that we shared very little affection the past two days. That’s unusual for us. We are always very affectionate. We got ready for bed. Mrs. Lion had a surprise for me.
She unlocked me and played with me, edging me a couple of times. Then she edged me once with her mouth. The second time she didn’t stop. I warned her that I was about to come. She went faster. I came. She said that she decided she didn’t get to taste me on Friday and wanted her snack. She said it doesn’t change anything. Does that mean I get to come yet again on Wednesday? I will have to wait and see.
July Fourth was the best ever! I feel that Mrs. Lion and I are turning each other on again. The fact that she was so wet and ready is a dramatic change. My long (to me) twelve day wait made me extremely excitable. I got hard instantly when she removed my cage. If waiting 12 days or longer can bring the kind of excitement we shared this weekend, then I will be very happy to be tree-humping horny as long as Mrs. Lion likes.
Merging Realities
If you’ve been following along, Mrs. Lion and I have different views of my forced chastity. She sees it as something she does out of love for me because I want it. I see it as a new lifestyle where Mrs. Lion is in control of my sex life and some other stuff too. The problem, as I mentioned before can crop up when I decide I don’t like something and I want that something to stop. Since Mrs. Lion’s investment is in my happiness, not in controlling me, it makes sense for her to consider and then honor my request to stop. This runs counter to my deeper need for her control.
Initially, I told Mrs. Lion that my consent for caging me and all the other top/bottom activities we do was one way. Once I agree, I lose the right to revoke it. This is pretty common in the top/bottom universe. However, it’s kind of impractical as well. Can I really surrender my sexuality for the rest of my life with no possibility to modify my decision? Why should Mrs. Lion continue something that makes me unhappy? Her motivation from the start was to make me happier. You can see that this difference is bound to cause a problem or two at some point. Other couples attack this problem using some paperwork; a chastity contract. Until now I thought they made little sense since the caged male has surrendered control, how would he be able to enforce a contract. Similarly, if his keyholder wants to change the rules, by definition, she can.
So the issue is what does an agreement between caged male and keyholder have to be. Some people provide a formal contract that spells out exactly what the rights and privileges of each party is. I asked Mrs. Lion if she would like that. Her answer is that she doesn’t need that. I then pointed out that on more than one occasion she has felt guilty when she forced me to wait longer than I wanted, or hurt me in some way. My point is that if I am very explicit in what I am asking her to do, she need not feel guilty and, in fact, can find my distress funny since I had asked for it.. She agreed to that. So we decided to be less formal, though I do like things specific. Here is our current agreement:
- I agree (and ask) Mrs. Lion (herein referred to as “keyholder” to keep me (herein referred to as “lion” to keep me locked in a chastity device continuously (24./7 except for play time, hygiene time, medical visits, as well as possible breaks for a reason the keyholder deems necessary) Until July 4, 2016. This time may be extended by mutual agreement, but can not under any circumstances be reduced. Keyholder agrees to this.
- Keyholder shall tease or otherwise sexually play with lion at least three times each week. The chastity device should be removed for at least one of these occasions each week.
- Lion explicitly requests spanking, spanking, bondage, cock and ball play, light humiliation and other BDSM activities lion has requested or participated in over the years.
- Keyholder agrees to honor lion’s safeword during such play.
- Lion agrees that he may not renegotiate any terms of this agreement, however, keyholder may, at her own discretion reduce or eliminate any number of play periods for disciplinary reasons.
- Keyholder agrees to consider any new activities requested by lion, but is under no obligation to provide them.
- Keyholder has sole discretion how often and in what manner lion my orgasm.
- Keyholder agrees to consistently discipline lion for breeches of any rulse she sets.
That’s my start of it. Mrs. Lion can comment and/or agree in a future post. Reader, did I miss anything?
Keyholder 101: Creative Edging
Before I get to edging, I have to say that today is the day! I get to orgasm today after a 12 day wait. Mrs. Lion is going to ride me and I will see fireworks. More on our celebration tomorrow. Also of note, my renovated (shortened) cage is back. I will be reporting on that too. You can see me posing in it on the right. Click the image for a larger, color view. On to today’s subject.
Edging is the act of masturbating a man until just before he ejaculates. Technically, you don’t have to get so close that one more stroke would make him come. You just need to get him into that three second zone that begins the male orgasm. You will learn to identify when he is at that point. Now, once he hits that point remove your hand. Give him a few seconds to come down. As soon as his breathing stabilizes, begin again. It won’t take long to get him almost coming. This is commonly called tease and deny. It is a very good way to assure your caged male can’t forget what he is missing. Regular (two or three times a week) edging will turn any male into putty. If you don’t stimulate him during his wait, he will begin losing interest in sex. The point of keeping him locked up and waiting is to harness the sexual energy all that frustration creates. You can convert his energy into pleasing you in any way you want. A male desperate to come will do nearly anything for release. His cage assures he can’t do it himself. He has to convince you to provide his release. If you like oral sex, he will be happy to lick you every day. He will rub your feet, lick your ass, do anything at all if it improves the odds he can release.
There is another, less known use of edging. Most men don’t even know this: repeated edging will make it impossible for him to orgasm (for a while). If you follow the instructions above over and over, eventually he will lose his erection and will not be able to get it back for quite a while. To allow him to remain hard, but impossible to orgasm, first edge him to the point he loses his erection entirely. Count how many times you edged him. Subtract two or three times and you have how many times to repeat in order to prevent orgasm.
Why would you want to do this? Are you kidding? If you remove his ability to come but yet have him hard, you now have a human dildo that can please you without pleasing himself. One key area of male training is orgasm control. As a matter of fact, many men can still orgasm after the teasing, but their ability will be reduced. This is a perfect training ground. Tell him that you want him inside you and he may not come. If he comes, tell him he will be locked up without satisfaction for a long time (you decide how long). Also, if he does have an “accident”, be sure to spank him severely immediately after he cleans you up. So, you are using two kinds of conditioning: you are helping him by reducing his ability to orgasm, and you are punishing him if he accidentally comes. This combination will eventually let him control his ejaculations without the edging. If, for some reason, he is a premature ejaculator and you can’t stop his accidents with spanking and long lock up, get some anesthetic ointment. Apply it just under the head of his penis about 15 minutes before you want him to please you. It may take some experimentation. Too much and he can’t get or stay hard; too little and he will have an accident. Have him apply it himself. Make it his responsibility to control his orgasms. Punish him if he fails, either by having an accident or not getting hard. This may seem cruel, but it isn’t. It’s exactly what the male chastity fantasy is all about: your control. Up until now I haven’t experienced the anesthetic, but I think that Mrs. Lion will add it to her arsenal when she wants to ride me between my orgasm dates.
If your male hasn’t experienced being edged until he can’t orgasm no matter what he does, you should consider giving him the experience. It was eye opening for me. I hadn’t really considered that I could get too much pleasure. More significantly, it dawned on me that even without the cage, Mrs. Lion can prevent me from coming. I don’t think she realized it either. It turns out that tease and deny is an extremely powerful tool for male control. Try it, you’ll like it.
