Dr Jekyll And Mrs Lion
There are still times when I feel like I’m doing things because Lion wants them. And then there are times when I’m doing them because I want to. Hence the title.
The biggest thing that has come out of Lion’s caging is communication. Many of our problems were the result of my saying the sky is blue, for example, but not specifying the shade of blue. And poor Lion is doing his best to guess but never quite hitting the mark. Once we figured this out, I’ve been trying harder to tell him that I mean cerulean rather than teal. He’s not a mind reader and I was getting mad at him because of it. Stupid Mrs. Lion.
I’ve been trying to reintroduce old rules, along with modifying some of them, and to introduce new rules. For example, Lion has a habit of dropping ice cubes when he fills his glass from the ice maker. Under the old rule he received swats when he dropped ice. He also has a habit of dropping food either on the table or on himself. So the modified rule is that he gets swats when he drops any kind of food. Last night he dropped some rice on the table and two ice cubes. Three swats for Lion. However, he brought home Krispy Kreme donuts so I deducted a swat for his thoughtfulness. Lion also has a habit of interrupting me. I hate that. It’s like he’s telling me that what he has to say is more important. So a new rule is that he gets swats for interrupting. Soon he will get a shock, thanks to our new shock collar.
Several years ago, I decided that I couldn’t really understand what it was like to be a top if I didn’t understand what it was like to be a bottom. Lion was very nervous. He was afraid I would like being a bottom and never want to top him. He needn’t have worried. I don’t understand being a bottom any more than I understand being a top. But I know I don’t want to have my nipples pinched (even if he only did it in his sleep once). And I don’t mind a little love tap on my behind but I am not interested in anything more than that. So I guess understanding what he wants is not a prerequisite to doing what he wants. Knowing that he will do almost anything I ask (eating raisins is a definite deal breaker) because he loves me is all I need because I love him.
Keyholder 101: Topping
Very often your caged male wants much more than simple sex deprivation. He also wants discipline and control. I have written about this before, but one area seems to cause confusion for new keyholders: discipline for what? Occasionally there is real behavior modification that a keyholder wants to make in her caged male’s behavior. It can range from inattention to argumentativeness. Normally, a primarily sexual activity like forced chastity is the wrong place to correct these issues, but in some cases it will work. In the majority of cases there isn’t a problem that needs correction, yet your male wants you to demonstrate your control over him. He might suggest rules, making him wait to orgasm, etc. But it probably isn’t particularly helpful and may create more anxiety for you.
In a way, this problem goes to the heart of being a top. So instead of considering what he wants, let’s look at how topping can work. I come to this knowledge honestly. I was a top for thirty years before I decided I wanted to switch. For the record, this happens a lot in the leather community. People migrate from one role to the other from time to time. Anyway, whether it’s forced chastity or BDSM, topping is one side of a power exchange. Your caged male is the bottom. He has given you power over him: overtly sexual power. The trouble is that power exchange doesn’t happen unless it is exercised. Simply locking him up is one act, but you haven’t demonstrated any control. Chances are very good that even if he doesn’t mention it, he wants you to show him you are in charge. He wants rules and discipline!
So how do you do this to a male who you love and who already treats you really well? Let’s explore our options. You want to pick things that don’t force you to micromanage his life. Take it from me, it gets old fast if your bottom is constantly pestering you with requests for permission. You will probably get tired of constantly inspecting the outcome of his chores. So what to do? Consider easy stuff. Does he always put dirty clothes in the hamper? Does he put down the toilet seat? Make those punishable offenses. Spank him and/or extend his lock up time for offenses. You are now satisfying his need to bottom. You can also enforce sexual rules. Do you want him inside you so you can orgasm but not to come himself? If he has an “accident” punish him with a sound spanking. Put him in a rubber penis sleeve next time to discourage his bad behavior.
I’m sure you see the theme. You may have seen some posts about humiliation. There is an aspect to the caged male’s psyche that defies most women’s comprehension: we like some humiliation. Making a man accept a spanking on his bare bottom appears humiliating to some keyholders, but it turns on pretty much every man. Making him perform tricks for you, dance for you, account for why he forgot to do something can feel belittling to the top. Yet, it is a graphic demonstration of your control of him.
Most new tops feel that they are doing all this because their males want it. It’s true, but it certainly not what we want to believe. We want to believe that our tops are making us wait to come, spanking us, making us do things because it what they want. It isn’t much fun if we think you are spanking us or making us wait to come because you know we want it. We want it to appear that you own it. At some point you probably will own it and learn to love the power and even the gentle humiliation. In the meantime for this to work, we need to believe you do. One good way to exercise power and still basically fulfill your bottom’s needs is to almost give him what he wants. Since my keyholder reads this, I should be careful what I say next. Oh well, here goes.
In my case I never wanted to have to wait for a long time between orgasms. I want the control and discipline. However, I have given my keyholder an easy opportunity to make me feel her control. If we settle on a regular pattern of releases, say two or three a week (I know that is a lot to many, but that has been our pattern), varying that arbitrarily shows my keyholder’s power. Making me wait just because she wants me to is a very strong demonstration. As Mrs. Lion has been showing me, also doing it very frequently whether or not I am in the mood is also equally effective.
The point to topping is the regular demonstration of control. It’s about modifying the bottom’s behavior to suit your wishes; or more realistically, changing his behavior in a way that makes him believe you are doing it because you want him to change. The last thing I want to talk about is conditioning. As people who have studied behavioral psychology will tell you, conditioning is a very powerful way to change behavior. It can be amusing for you and not harmful for him to use conditioning in your repertoire of topping tools.
One area is evolving his behavior so he ends up doing something that he would have never believed he would do. This conditioning is gradual. For example, you decide you want him to do a sexy striptease any time you tell him. He finds that too embarrassing to consider and refuses. At that point, you would just spank him till he does it. That would satisfy the discipline area, but not quite what we want here. Instead, you sneak up on him. Maybe start by telling him that when he gets home from work he has to undress completely while you watch. Take your time and let him make this a habit. It could take a week or two. When he is completely comfortable giving you this show, add some music and ask him to move with the music while he does it. It will be a disaster at first, but praise him when he does a good move. He will be stripping happily to music in no time. The key is to never give up on what you decide he should do. Just pick which direction to approach making the change. Do you discipline if he doesn’t or do you appear to agree not to make him do it and then work out a gradual approach that will end up with him doing just what you wanted.
Sound like fun? I hope so. Even if it isn’t at first, this is the essence of a sexual power exchange. You could end up loving it. You won’t know until you give it a fair chance.
Lots Of Changes
I’ve been caged for about three months now. Most people tend to report their first day as though they understand what being caged means. They don’t know. The first impressions are largely colored by the pain and other discomforts a new, poorly-fitted cage can cause. Or they are busy experimenting with exactly what happens when they get erect, etc. There’s nothing wrong with that. We all do it. But the more significant changes happen more slowly.
I didn’t think that having my penis locked up would make any profound changes in my life. After all, while I really like sex, it isn’t at the front of my consciousness most of the time. At the time I asked to be locked up, our sex life wasn’t very active and I hoped it would improve with chastity. I also felt there was little to lose. Up until the cage went on I had masturbated once or twice a week. It wasn’t a big deal, just feeling horny and acting on it. Mrs. Lion has less libido than me and I figured I was just saving her the trouble.
As I look back at the last three months I realize that I haven’t been able to masturbate once. Mrs. Lion does free me occasionally to shower and do an extra good cleaning. The cleaning invariably makes me hard. But I haven’t felt any serious temptation to do anything but enjoy an unfettered erection. I don’t know why, but I really don’t want to masturbate. It feels like cheating. I think it is since I no longer have ownership of that part of my anatomy. Honestly, that concept (someone else owning my cock) seemed silly to me when I read about it in the past. I understood that a cage reduces access, but I really couldn’t make sense of the idea that possession could transfer to my keyholder. I know that is how the game is played, but I didn’t think I would internalize that concept and actually believe at the deepest level that my keyholder owns that part of me.
Even writing about this concept seems odd to me. Intellectually it doesn’t make sense that someone else can own my sex organs and my sexual pleasure. Yes, it does make sense that I can be prevented from getting release with a physical device. But I am surprised that the cage isn’t all that stops me from independent sexual action. It is my understanding that I don’t have that right anymore.
Sound silly to you? I’m sure that if you are a keyholder these comments will seem odd. Women and men are very differently wired sexually. Both do want release and satisfaction, but women consider sex part of a much larger experience and may be willing to forgo sex in favor of other kinds of satisfaction. I don’t really want to generalize too much here. Everyone is different. My point is that male sexual interest is much more focused on orgasm and ejaculation. The physical act takes on a life of its own. So, for a man losing the control of his sexual release is a singular event.
Oddly, losing control of my penis has brought my sexual needs more sharply into focus. You can see that in my writing here. I think that I expected something like this to happen, but not at such a profound level. My cage is part of me now. I want it in place. I’m not really sure why, but I do.
Most of the stuff written by caged males is about how they turn into simpering slaves of their keyholders; how they suddenly want to rub their feet, serve them in any way they can. Frankly, that hasn’t happened to me. I don’t feel an irresistible need to do that. But I do feel a real need to do what my keyholder wants, to please her. You might think that I should have always felt that way. I did, but those feelings often got displaced by external things in life, my own needs, and laziness on my part. Now, my priorities have subtly shifted. My attention is much more focused on my keyholder.
Does that mean I will turn into that simpering slave and depend on lioness to guide me through life? I don’t think that will ever happen. I am my own lion, so to speak. I am independent by nature and I do generally lead our relationship. I take care of many of the chores and decisions that keep us going. However, I am hoping that the changes brought on by the cage to both me and my keyholder will add some new balance and excitement. I am certainly surprised that in less than ninety days so much has changed.
Another very significant change is that my interest in sex has gotten much stronger. Before I was caged, I really wasn’t all that interested. Very gradually that interest has increased. I stopped waking up with “morning wood” a few years ago. That’s back now. I wake up once a night to pee. More often than not I am hard when I do. I can’t explain exactly why this has happened. I am getting a lot more keyholder attention. I think that has turned on an internal switch that has restored a more normal level of arousal. I am very happy about this change.
When I first asked to be caged, if you asked me if the cage would be more than a sex game to be shared with my keyholder, I would have said no. If you asked if I would consider forced chastity a lifestyle, I would have laughed. How could a little stainless steel cage over my cock change my life and actually make sex better? How could this cage stimulate a new kind of relationship? I guess the cage itself didn’t, but its persistent presence forces me to see things differently and when I do that, it forces my keyholder to look at me and sex with me differently as well. Somehow, wearing that little cage day and night effects big changes in the wearer and those close to him. Cool, isn’t it?
Warming Things Up
There is some interesting, safe sensation play that is guaranteed to get your male’s attention. One classic is figging. This is a most interesting new use for the ginger root.
To fig, you carve a nice thick piece of the root into a finger shape (see photo, right). Then you insert this into your caged male’s anus. Don’t use lube, just take your time.
Why do this? You’ll soon see. Once inserted, the root starts reacting with the moisture up there. As it does, it creates a warm, then a hot sensation. The heat will build for a while and then taper off. All the keyholder has to do is assure that the root remains inserted. He will do the rest himself.
Once the ginger root is in place, it is an ideal time to do some spanking. Since the burning sensation increases sharply if your male tightens his ass, he is faced with an interesting choice: tighten his ass and feel more ginger burn, or let it relax and get a bigger sting from the spanking. Ginger is a great side dish, it goes so well with spanking. This article has some excellent information about figging.
A second, more intense activity involves a sore muscle remedy. You can use BenGay, IcyHot, or any other warming cream. Use is the essence of simplicity. Just massage some into your male’s scrotum. He can stay safely caged. You may want to restrain him so he can’t run to the bathroom to wash it off.
Like the ginger root, the ointment will start off just feeling nice, but then the heat will build. Depending on how much you use, the heat will build to a high intensity. His scrotum may turn red. This is pretty serious sensation. It won’t do any lasting damage but will make an impression. If you want to get even more sensation, apply it to the perineum (the skin between the bottom of the scrotum and the anus). That is much more sensitive. Only apply to one area or the other. The human body can’t feel two stimuli at once, so one application will be wasted.
In my experience, figging is a great activity. Lioness has carved some thinner pieces of ginger and has warmed me up with them. I think a thicker piece might be more intense. I look forward to those sessions. By the way, once the sensation dies down, you can restore it by further peeling the root. More essential oils will be released.
For me, Ben Gay is a different matter. I hate it! While it is active (about 10 minutes) I am miserable. Then when it tapers off, it feels like such relief. Ironically, even though I hate this, the thought of having a hot ointment rubbed into my balls turns me on. Like a strong spanking, the BenGay is horrible while it is happening, but arouses me before and makes me feel very good remembering the session.
This concept of arousing anticipation, wonderful afterglow, and absolute misery while happening seems to be a fairly common set of reactions to sensation play. Unfortunately, the new keyholder reacts only to the misery and feels guilty for hurting her male. I don’t perceive it that way at all. I am turned on knowing my lioness can do this to me. I know I will hate it when she does, but that makes it even more arousing. I don’t want her to do this to me every day, but I really want her to do it.
Male sexuality can be bewildering. I can’t explain why I am the way I am. But I know that in my case, discipline, spanking, and other sensation play really turn me on. The key to understanding why it is so exciting for me is that my sexuality is not based on what is happening now, it is more complex than that. It is the vulnerability, surrender of power, and most important of all, my keyholder’s use of that power. I really haven’t surrendered unless the person I surrender to actually uses the control I have given her. I think that is why just being locked up isn’t enough. It’s also why it can be difficult to be a keyholder. Forced chastity is about power exchange. There is no exchange unless the power is used. The more it is used, the more complete the feeling of surrender.
