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I’ve been giving a lot of thought to how I believe a keyholder feels about her partner being locked in a chastity device. My post yesterday talked about extending the male’s perspective beyond the hardware. I was attempting to discuss depersonalizing the penis from his perspective. The idea is that if he wants to consider his penis to be a toy for the exclusive use of his keyholder, he should eliminate discussion of how he feels about its use. It’s her toy, after all, not an instrument for his pleasure.
This doesn’t address the keyholder’s perspective. Even though a guy may want to consider is penis interchangeable with, let’s say, a dildo, nothing could be further from the truth. From a woman’s perspective, intercourse with her partner’s penis bears no resemblance to using a sex toy for her orgasm. While we may like to fantasize that the penis is nothing more than an impersonal sex toy, it’s not.
Is jerking off sex?
This is no different than claiming jerking off is the same as intercourse. In fact, jerking off, is far from the same as even being jerked off by a partner. There’s something about sex with another person that we all crave. So, it’s not reasonable to assume that a keyholder will be happy converting her partner’s penis into a silicone sex toy.
Similarly, it makes no sense to assume that a keyholder will enjoy changing her view of his penis into a depersonalized object that can get hard and eventually ejaculate. Where’s the passion? Where’s the expression of love? Are we saying that by adopting enforced male chastity we forgo these things? My post yesterday certainly suggested that.
I went way too far. My objective was to try to refocus the male’s intention from masturbatory fantasies involving hardware to a more external focus. I wanted to suggest that one important part of the male chastity experience is refocusing attention on his partner’s pleasure.
The fantasies all talk about this. They claim that locking the penis will generate enormous sexual energy that is redirected to providing his partner with oral pleasure. The longer he has to endure no sexual release, the more frenzied he becomes to lick his partner’s vagina. Apparently, there is a magical connection between his penis and his tongue.
A more reasonable explanation is that once he’s freed from his ability to ejaculate on demand, his attention shifts to his partner’s genitals. Even if this were true, I strongly doubt his partner would appreciate this change of focus.
In our case, Mrs. Lion has no interest in being sexually satisfied. Her libido is sleeping deeply. Sex for us, is about getting me off. Even in this case, Mrs. Lion does not consider what we do a mechanical process that sooner or later results in me ejaculating. Even without her vagina involved, providing me with arousal and ejaculation, by hand or mouth, is still interactive.
In other words, when she gives me a hand job, we’re having sex. Even when she uses the Magic Wand, and the vibrator is providing the sexual stimulation, it’s still in her hand and she, not the machine, is the source of my pleasure. This is a critical distinction.
Replaced by a dildo
What about the case when the woman wants an orgasm? Does she consider it the same thing if her partner straps on a dildo rather than using his penis. I don’t think many women would contradict me in saying that it’s a completely different experience. Flesh-to-flesh contact, even if in my case there is a Magic Wand between us, is special and unique.
I imagine that if Mrs. Lion rides me while I wear a strap-on, and the dildo penetrates her, it won’t feel the same as my flesh-and-blood penis inside her. People often say that our real sex organs are our brains. I believe this. If, for example, a woman is blindfolded and she is mounted by her partner wearing a body-temperature dildo, she probably won’t know it’s not his penis. But if she knows, she won’t like it as much.
What makes sex special and feel different when with someone we care about, has more to do with how we feel about that person. It’s not that my penis has some magical power that reacts inside her vagina and makes the interactive experience better than using a toy. It’s her knowledge that my body is physically connected to hers. We are mating. We are performing a biological function designed to continue our species.
I was thinking about how Mrs. Lion and I met and how our relationship grew. We met online. At the time, we both wanted sex. In fact, that was our reason for joining the dating service. We decided to meet and we had sex. It felt great. We decided we wanted to do it again and we did. We set up meeting after meeting for the specific purpose of getting laid.
Without either of us thinking about it consciously, after a while each of us realized that we didn’t want to separate. Having sex and going home was much less what we wanted. For a bit, we continued meeting for the purpose of sex. Eventually, Mrs. Lion told me that she hated to leave me. I told her that I had been feeling the same way. At that point, we worked to find a way to be together all the time.
There are a lot of people, men particularly, who try to depersonalize sex. That’s what keeps the prostitution business flourishing. I suppose that in the beginning Mrs. Lion and I were viewing sex the same way. We believed that what we were doing was purely physical. We didn’t imagine that there was an emotional context. We were two consenting adults getting off together.
I’m pretty sure that our mutual desire for repeat performances had very little to do with impersonal sex. Without realizing it, we were connecting on a much deeper level. Eventually, we became aware of it. And here we are today 15 years later, completely in love and very happy to be together.
Sex isn’t so much glue that holds people together as it is a lubricant. We have an innate need to reproduce. We also have an equally strong need to connect sexually without any hope of reproduction. The desire for sex is a very strong force. By itself, it can be sufficient to keep males and females close to one another. Sociologists theorize that it’s the second use of sex, the non-reproductive kind, that keeps males close to females and thereby protect them in a hostile world while the females raise their offspring.
How does this apply to male chastity?
When the guy asks his partner to lock his penis in a chastity device, he’s imagining the very arousing prospect of losing sexual control. He probably uses his predicament to tightly focus his attention on his sexual pleasure, or lack of it. Many guys will reduce their sexual interaction with their partners to their own internal focus manifested by the chastity device. That’s why my post yesterday rings true with some caged males.
We guys tend to think about sex in terms of our sex organs. I’d like to think that we understand that sex with our partners is much more then being stimulated to the point of ejaculation. However, locking that chastity device around our penises changes things. We aren’tt getting the attention our penises crave. We focus on what we can’t do. That device doesn’t allow us any sexual stimulation. That’s what we miss, so, that’s what we focus on.
This leaves our partners high and dry. They are not with us, after all, because we have some special way of stimulating their vaginas. They are with us because of a much more complex bond that just happens to include contact with each other’s sex organs.
Perhaps a better way to think about being locked in a chastity device is to consider it part of an elaborate, long-term session of foreplay. Mrs. Lion can keep me horny as long as she wants. I love that she’s doing it, because like other foreplay, the payoff at the end will be amazing. Even when she just gets me hard and refuses to let me approach an orgasm, the teasing is making me ready for eventual climax.
In reality, enforced male chastity is male foreplay. It allows the female to drive us crazy with desire without risking that we will go off into a corner and satisfy ourselves. I can’t get off alone or with anyone else unless my mate physically frees my penis from its prison. This is probably the single biggest benefit she derives from enforced male chastity. She can have a lot of fun driving me crazy with desire. It’s guilt free. She knows it’s what I want. She also knows that she can make me do tricks or anything else she wants to try to earn that eventual release.
Sadly, Mrs. Lion doesn’t go in for that sort of play. The fantasies, express it in terms of being made to do chores like the laundry, as a way to convince the keyholder to let the man get off. That doesn’t appeal to either of us. Other things appeal to me.
For example, it’s fun when Mrs. Lion gets me hard and then holds her hand around my penis and I have to hump her hand to get stimulation. I really like that. When she sees I’m getting too excited she releases her grip and I find myself humping air. Occasionally, when she plays this way, she’ll let me hump my way to ejaculation. I think that’s a great game.
Another exciting activity is when she tells me that if she lets me ejaculate, I will be eating the semen. Then, after I ejaculate and she feeds it to me I can see that she enjoys the face I make as I taste it. I also make a face when she rubs some under my nose and I have to smell it.
Offhand, I can’t think of other things she could do to magnify my arousal. I suppose doing doggy tricks would have a similar effect on me. It’s not so much about humiliation as it is control. After all, that’s what foreplay is about. At least that’s true for me. It’s about losing the ability to get to the end even though I badly want to. It’s about doing things that I really would prefer to avoid, such as eating semen. When I know that I can actually ejaculate and yet dread it because I know I have to consume the product, that’s very exciting for me.
You can see where I’m going. I’m trying to separate male chastity from sex. As long as we recognize that wearing the chastity device and giving our partners sole control of our sexual pleasure, is designed as an elaborate, amazingly-exciting form of foreplay, we stand a much better chance of avoiding making chastity an obsession.
It may be worthwhile to have a conversation about this with your partner. We tend to discuss chastity in terms of the drama of massive desire and frustration. Of course, that’s how it makes us feel; exactly the same way that strong foreplay does too.
Male foreplay and female foreplay are very different. Male foreplay centers around our penises and is focused on controlled frustration. It’s designed to make us frantic for release. Female foreplay, on the other hand, is about much more generalized sensations. Of course, its purpose is to increase her interest in having sex. But unlike us, females respond to emotional (romantic) stimulation, as well as loving physical contact all over the body.
This creates confusion on the part of both partners. The male will be aroused by hand-humping. While the female will be driven crazy by deep kisses and loving touches far from her genitals. We tend to assume that what works for us is what will work for our partners. When it comes to foreplay, nothing is further from the truth.
Since this post is about male chastity, I’ve been talking about male foreplay. I’m willing to bet that a lot of women don’t realize just what we’re looking for. I’m also pretty sure that a lot of guys don’t understand it either. I’m hoping that I shed some light on at least my perspective. I admit that I’m hoping Mrs. Lion will learn something today from what I’ve written. I’ll find out soon enough.