I’m convinced that a male chastity device is more of a turn on for me than a sex-preventative. Over the last few months, I’ve spent a lot of time uncaged. Other than the lack of a chastity device, nothing else has changed. Mrs. Lion gets me off about once a week. She also teases me on a nearly-daily basis.
The thing is that I don’t find myself getting is turned on as much as I did when I was kept in a chastity device. It takes longer to get me hard when she teases me. I don’t find myself straining to get to the edge. I can’t say with any certainty that things would be different if I were locked up, but I know that my current loss of urgency seems to correspond with the lack of a cage.
The other night after Mrs. Lion spanked me, she called me into the bathroom to soap my mouth. I found myself getting hard when I realized what she was about to do. I was embarrassed that she might see my growing penis. Once she got to work rubbing soap into every corner of my mouth, my penis returned to its flaccid state. Other times, when told to sit on my punishment stool in the corner, I find myself getting hard as well. Ironically, when I’m about to be spanked I stay completely flaccid.
That means an erection is not my general reaction to punishment. But I am excited by random activities. Like wearing a chastity device, none of these activities are designed to provide sexual excitement. None involve stimulating my penis. Yet, it reacts as if it has a mind of its own.
Most of the time when I’m locked up, I’m not even aware the chastity device is there. I don’t feel any little sexual tingles when I realize my penis is under lock and key. I don’t even try to get hard when Mrs. Lion tickles my balls and reminds me that her weenie is locked up. I don’t think that means it has no effect. Just as I don’t show any physical sign that I like to be spanked, starting an erection when locked in a chastity device isn’t necessary to indicate I’m aroused by my predicament.
Could it be that I’m turned on by the situation itself? Being sexually helpless locked in a chastity device is clearly the raw material of fantasy. Similarly, being subjected to corporal punishment is another area of hot fantasy for me. Maybe we stopped understanding that all this stuff serves dual purposes: The obvious one is exercise of control and inflicting punishment. The more subtle one is that these activities sexually arouse me because they make me realize I don’t have control.
Mrs. Lion has kept me wild to make it easier for me. I don’t think that she considered the sexual side effect of leaving me unlocked. Similarly, the lack of punishments shows that I’ve learned how to do what she wishes, but also has taken away a source of excitement. I want to be good and do what I’m told. In a way, I’m punished when I do.
When Mrs. Lion wrote about using the silent treatment as a punishment, I realized that unintended silence, like withholding of punishment and lockup in the chastity device, affects me as well. For the record, I don’t think the silent treatment is ever a good idea. It plays into my deepest fear of being abandoned.
It would seem that remaining unpunished is a reward for good behavior. Of course, it is. However, it also takes something away that I need. Fixing this is not terribly difficult. Returning me to the Jail Bird is simple. More difficult is assuring that I am receiving punishments. In my mind punishment isn’t the same as play. Spanking me for no reason is play and doesn’t have the same effect. I guess I need some new, easier-to-break rules. I also think that Mrs. Lion’s idea of changing punishment from a single spanking to a series over days is another way to light the fire.
I thought her idea was pretty clever. Depending on how she feels about an offense, she can sentence me to a series of spankings that can stretch from one (hopefully two or more) to one a day for more than a week. Aside from making sure that she makes a lasting impression, she will also be reviving the turn on for me.
If spankings are multi-day and I commit an offense before she completes my sentence, she can simply add the new sentence onto the end of the current one. I can see myself getting a daily spanking for quite some time if I’m not careful. Similarly, her spanking desserts affect me as well. I hope she continues them. We have a punishments stool and lots of soap. She may come up with other ideas as well.
It’s a little difficult to acknowledge that being punished as part of our FLRD is also something I need. I don’t think that the fact that it helps me sexually takes away from its value as a teaching tool. If anything, it gives my lioness additional incentive to find opportunities to correct me.