Last night while I was in the shower I realized Lion forgot to remind me about punishment day. At least, I thought he did. I checked through our daily emails and he definitely did. I told him his butt was in trouble. Oh yes, he said. He’d forgotten.

Lion was a little distracted because he’d gotten a new remote for the TV. It controls more than just the TV, of course. It can even connect with Alexa to dim the lights for a movie theater atmosphere. The problem with such an advanced toy is that you have to have a PhD in astrophysics to program it. And so, even though Lion knew he was in trouble, it took him a little while to ask how long his sentence would be.

Four days.

And it took a little while longer for him to lament that sentence. He thought it was a bit long because I’ve been swatting so hard. When he questioned it, I thought he would advocate for more days since his last punishment started at four days. Apparently I’ve reached a level of swatting that he doesn’t want to add days to.

Good.

I chose four days because it’s been a while but he still forgets from time to time. I don’t want him to think it’s fine to forget. Anything less than four days seemed like it would send the wrong message. It has to be severe enough that he tries very hard to remember.

Lion being spanked

This is the narrow paddle. Perhaps I can use this to avoid sore spots.
(Click image to view larger)

The issue I have now is that if I bruise or open a wound on the first day, I have to avoid that area on subsequent days. There’s just not that much real estate on Lion’s butt. I hesitate to say I need a different paddle because Lion will go on a buying spree. I either need to use a larger paddle to spread the swats out more and possibly prevent bleeding or bruising, or I need a narrower paddle to focus the swats more. I’m undecided. I’m also sure we already have paddles that will do the trick. They’re just packed away.

[Lion — We have a very narrow paddle that is almost a cane. Mrs. Lion is use this on me and it is very effective. It’s probably in one of our boxes or the container with our other toys. I’m not sure what would work best. That’s not my job. I’m not very fond of my job in this case.]

One of the most difficult things about enforced male chastity and other forms of control is figuring out how to actually integrate the power exchange into your life. Most of the people who read this blog are male. It’s not surprising. After all, enforced male chastity is a practice invented by males for males. I know the concept is that the keyholder/disciplining partner is in charge and makes all the rules. If you think about it, controlling when we get to ejaculate as well as creating rules we are to follow is really for our benefit. There’s nothing in this for the keyholder except doing something that partner wants. How many women think about how often their partners should have orgasms?

That’s the thing. We all get so wound up in the mythology that we don’t consider that our partners are not sadistic penis-focused dominatrixes. They are women who love us and want us to be happy. I would be very surprised if any of them gave a single thought to your orgasm frequency before you brought up the topic of enforced male chastity. When you did bring it up, the topic became relevant. However, I don’t think anybody including those of us who are practicing enforced male chastity have a clear idea exactly how long we should wait between orgasms. I’ve read a lot of posts, mostly by men pretending to be women giving different “rules” for wait time.

I think that wait time is highly individual and is probably best determined by two things: The first is the normal sexual rhythm of the male. How often does he like to ejaculate? Most keyholder’s have a pretty good idea of this. Of course, before accepting the value you imagine is correct, find out if he masturbates secretly. You may have to change the number. The second is a little more difficult to determine and probably needs considerable experiment before you get it right. That is, how long does it take for him to get incredibly horny. And, how long before he loses interest in sex if he doesn’t get to come.

Knowing these values gives you a very good idea of what would make a nice wait time for him. This will take experiment. The only reason it’s important to know his usual rhythm is to give you an idea what you have to do to go beyond. For example, if he generally likes to get off every couple of days, that means you can set his initial wait time at some value beyond that. For example, maybe start out with a seven day wait. That gives him enough time to work up a good head of steam. On the other hand, if he normally comes just once a week, then his first wait time should probably be two weeks.

Despite the mythology, enforced male chastity is really something that only benefits the male. It’s important that we guys understand that. It’s not something being done to us; it’s something we want. So, our partners/keyholders are looking for ways to make this more fun for us. It’s not fair to force them to figure out the rules of a game that only we get to play.

Mrs. Lion has never liked scheduled wait times. She likes to decide on the spur of the moment whether or not I get to ejaculate. I’m fine with this mainly because she decides to get me off long before I’m ready to hump trees. She knows it’s a game and has some fun playing it. I don’t generally want an orgasm less than two days after the last time I came. Mrs. Lion rarely tries until I’ve waited at least three days. If she’s been having success edging me, she generally makes me wait about a week. Very rarely has she made me wait longer.

This seems to work for both of us. That doesn’t mean that sometimes she won’t push things and keep me waiting much longer. I don’t make a big deal out of how long she makes me wait. I do let her know what seems to work and what doesn’t. I want to point out that this isn’t the same as me whining at her about being very horny. She likes that and, after all, that’s exactly the way I should be.

I’m talking about serious, adult conversations where we look at what we’ve been doing and give each other feedback. Other times I can complain and whine as much as I want and she will just give me that little smile and edge me some more.

All of these power exchanges with the exception of our Female Led Relationship with Discipline, are essentially games. Wearing a chastity device is a bondage fetish. I have it and love it. Controlling me sexually is fun for me. It may not be as much fun for Mrs. Lion, but she gets the reward of seeing how it makes me happy.

Lion in his diaper. By the way, he has lost quite a bit of weight since that picture was taken.

I didn’t soap Lion’s mouth last night. I decided to just make it a threat. However, he should be on notice to watch out for future frothy smiles.

We received an interesting comment about the punishment stool. Collared Michael says having Lion sit at the front door is an appropriate spot for the stool. I went even further and suggested that I should park him in front of a window with the shade up and allow whoever was driving by to have the opportunity to see him. So far I haven’t gotten a response back. [Lion — Mrs. Lion suggested that in email. I just saw it. I think it is a perfectly reasonable thing to make me do.]

It’s not like the world would see him. There’s very little traffic and they’d have to look at that particular window and the lighting on the window would have to be just right. But if they did….

And that’s exactly why I think I suggested it. It’s risque enough to add some fun but not really risque. It’s similar to having Lion wear diapers when we’re out in public. No one knows he’s wearing them. Even if people see a little bulkiness, they wouldn’t really know. But there’s still the fear of someone finding out.

You just have to find the right balance, I guess. Our blog is public. We try to let you in enough to “know” us but not enough to guess our identities. That could be embarrassing at the very least. We may have already met some of you and neither of us knows it. Maybe you’ve seen Lion in his diaper in the supermarket. Did you realize he had a diaper on? Did you realize it was Lion? I doubt it. We tend to blend into the crowd.

I probably won’t put Lion in front of the window. It’s an interesting idea, but it’s not really a convenient place. We tend to stick close to the bedroom with our activities. However, there’s absolutely no reason I couldn’t do it. I guess Lion should just hope I don’t get the urge to put him on display.

[Lion — Actually there is a window very near the front door that might be perfect. Mrs. Lion comes up with some very good, somewhat-scary ideas. I would very much like her to actually put them into practice. By the way, I haven’t worn a diaper in a very long time.]

Males and females are very different critters. I know the politically correct perspective is to believe that we are all the same. Perhaps we are in many important respects like abilities. But when it comes to some of those deep-seated emotional and hormonal (hang on, I don’t mean it the way you may think) aspects, we are very different.

Take sex, for example. Nature has programmed us to assume specific roles that help assure the continuation of our species. To keep things from getting a little too political, let’s look at other mammals. Lions, my favorites, have very specific strategies designed to balance and keep active the gene pool. A pride of lions is actually a group of lionesses. They are generally related as sisters and their daughters. The males (lions) are really not part of the pride. Groups of males, which nowadays seem to be replacing single male members of the Lion family are called alliances.

If I pride has a resident male, other males may attempt to displace him. This behavior is what most of us understand to be the way the king of the jungle is replaced as he ages. It turns out this isn’t the case much of the time. According to more recent research (and no, I can’t cite it because I received it as part of a confidential document and the source was not given), the lionesses will kick a lion out of the pride after about two years. Then, they will interview new lions to replace him. The reason for this is obvious. While part of the pride, the lion impregnates every lioness who comes into heat. Generally, when a new lion joins he will kill any of the old lion’s nursing cubs. When a lioness does not have cubs to nuraw, she goes into estrus and the new lion can impregnate her.

The old lion’s cubs are getting old enough to mate. Since he has been removed, there will be no incest and the gene pool will be preserved. What’s particularly interesting about this is how lion society is organized to maintain diversity. Males, isn’t this always the case guys, are fairly unimportant in a Darwinian sense.  It is true that he does have a protective role. But that doesn’t make him king of beasts. This newer research shows that the lionesses call the shots. If the lion gets out of line he gets nipped in the butt. He never retaliates.

Obviously, human interactions are far more complex. We can maintain genetic diversity without the need for such drastic strategies. The fact that we are thinking creatures and that we have built complex societies covers up some of the fundamental differences between human males and females.

Primate research reveals that often a female selects a cooperative, protective, and loyal mate. However, she will stray when fertile and look for the strongest, most of virile male to impregnate her. I was surprised when I read this. It showed a fundamental difference between the “relationship” and procreative sex. Obviously, this strategy assures that future generations will be strong and improve, while a nurturing, loving relationship supports protecting the young.

I haven’t seen anything about how the males operate. Do the ones that pair bond remain monogamous? Are those virile, desirable males unencumbered by a full-time mate? I suspect that’s how it works. But the reason I bring all this up is that there is a lot going on in our mammalian brains that we aren’t necessarily consciously aware of.

I think we can find examples of both kinds of behavior with humans. My nickname is apt. Excepting the fact that I won’t be thrown out after two years (we’ve been together over 17), Mrs. Lion and I behave very much like our four-footed namesakes. I’m bigger and stronger and I take on the role as primary breadwinner and protector. Mrs. Lion is very much a traditional female and takes excellent care of me. She’s a nurturing mother, though her cubs are long gone.

However, we weren’t completely happy until we started behaving in a more lion-like manner. I stay in control and get my way as long is it pleases Mrs. Lion. When it doesn’t, she uses a paddle to bite my butt. Before we began this, Mrs. Lion was more frustrated. She didn’t have a ready path to strongly express herself inside of our marriage. Similarly, I felt something was missing.

This is where it starts to get complicated. I wasn’t looking for a new mommy. I absolutely didn’t want someone to micromanage me and tell me what to do. What I want is for my mate to be able to assert her authority when she feels she should. When she does, like the lioness, I want her to communicate her feelings unmistakably. Like my namesake, I’ve never felt any desire to retaliate.

You can relate all this to not only our domestic discipline (FLRD), but also to enforced male chastity. As long as I’m in our little pride, which I hope will be the rest of my life, I am forbidden any sexual contact that doesn’t come from Mrs. Lion. This is enforced not only with her paddle, but with her ability to lock me in a male chastity device.

There are other relationships that are more like the primates. I think the male determines which sort he will have. If he is an accepting, submissive sort, he will probably be perfectly happy with the primate model. He may encourage his mate to have sex with bigger, stronger men. From what I’ve seen, that sexually excites him.

Similarly, my lion-like behavior is partially fueled by the fact that I get sexually excited thinking about Mrs. Lion controlling me. I also get excited thinking about being spanked. These feelings motivate me to create our lion pride. Mrs. Lion, like me, would be unhappy in the primate model. She has always been strongly disinclined to find other males.

Obviously, these examples are far from perfect. But I think they do accurately describe the way I feel about our relationship. I’m not sure whether Mrs. Lion agrees or not. Regardless, my description of how we relate to one another is accurate. For the record, I have never had any inclination to kill her cubs from her first marriage.