I Like To Be Spanked. Will You Spank Me?

heart paddle on lion's butt

Spanking me is an expression of Mrs. Lion’s love. She knows that I want and need to be spanked. Because she loves me she learned how to do it.
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Over the years, I’ve watched hundreds of people looking for and often finding partners who have complementary preferences. For example dominant men seek out submissive women, etc. Very few of the people I know who formed relationships this way managed to make them last. Apparently, kinky preferences aren’t sufficient to glue two people together for life.

I think people will focus on what seems to them their most urgent needs when they look for partners. If those needs are sexual, they can be satisfied in a relatively small amount of time. How long does it take to get off? That leaves the vast majority of the time together open and undefined.

If these preferences, especially kink, can be acquired, wouldn’t it make more sense to do one’s partner hunting around more durable common interests? I’m no one to talk. Mrs. Lion and I were drawn together by the need to have sex; no, not kinky sex. Over time, we were lucky enough to discover that we had much more in common. We built a much deeper connection.

Before I met her for the first time, I resolved to put BDSM on the back burner. I’ve been burned enough times prioritizing my kinky needs to realize that a peaceful, loving relationship was far more valuable than a hot one full of bondage and other kinky play. I wasn’t disappointed making vanilla love to my lioness. Let’s face it, a nice orgasm feels terrific.

I was a little surprised at myself when I asked her to consider spanking me. This happened sometime after we had established our sexual relationship. I don’t remember exactly how long I waited. It wasn’t planned. I just felt a growing need for that sort of play. I also didn’t want to look outside of my connection to Mrs. Lion to get it.

I was very lucky that she didn’t reject my request out of hand. If she had, I’m not sure what would’ve happened. I would like to think that we would’ve continued on our vanilla way. I kept feeling my need growing. It wasn’t the volcanic sensation of increasing horniness. It was more like there was a gap I needed to fill.

Lion's spanked ass

This is photographic evidence that Mrs. Lion learned to do more than apply gentle swats. It takes both skill and force to make my bottom this red.
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Happily, Mrs. Lion was willing to try swatting my butt. It took a very long time before her spankings were strong enough to make me yelp. It didn’t matter that her spankings were, shall we say, anemic. She was swatting my naked bottom. Even though the swats were just gentle pats, they satisfied my inner need. It didn’t hurt that each time she got me, her swats were a little bit harder. Her progress was a very big turn on for me.

As you know, she’s been open to lots of other kinky things I’ve asked for. Some of them have proven fun for her. We’ve evolved into a full-fledged kinky couple. More importantly, the deep connection we discovered long before we started seriously pursuing kink, has grown and has glued us together for life.

Long before I met Mrs. Lion, I observed other couples who were not only kinky but also strongly devoted to one another and in long-term relationships. Most of the relationships I’ve observed based on kinky desires, seemed to fall apart within two years of forming. These other couples were together a decade or more. I asked them about the secret of their success. Nobody had a profound magic pill to offer. However, every single successful couple I talked to started out as a classic, vanilla relationship. BDSM was never part of their initial transactions. Without exception, they became kinky some time after getting together.

I don’t think it matters whether the person needing the kinky activity is principally dominant or submissive. I think that the key is that after a bond is formed, the partner who doesn’t feel the need for this, recognizes how important these unusual activities are to the one they love. I don’t think that Mrs. Lion found my idea of being spanked exciting or fun when I proposed it. In fact, I don’t think she feels that way now. She does understand how important it is to me. She’s discovered that she can comfortably use her paddle to bruise my bottom.

She’s said that she doesn’t mind doing it. According to her, that’s because she knows how much I like it. She likes to do things she knows will make me happy. Of course the word “happy” has a slightly different meaning in this context. She knows that beating me makes me very unhappy at the time. But she also knows that it fills an inner need that I have.

For a long time I wanted her to have fun spanking me and doing other BDSM activities. I hoped she would find putting clothespins on my balls entertaining and amusing. Heaven only knows where I got that idea. I wanted her to like spanking me. I let her know that was something I wanted. Fortunately for me, she patiently explained that she doesn’t enjoy those things in the sense I described them. She told me that she does enjoy doing things I want and need.

When I thought back to my many years as a top, I realized she made a very good point. I can’t say that I was terribly amused topping my victims. I liked that I could get them turned on and give them something they wanted and needed. I liked the feeling of the power exchange. I wondered why it took me so long to figure out Mrs. Lion probably feels the same way about doing things to me.

I think there are a couple of lessons in this for other people getting started in various kinky pursuits. The most important is that trying to build a relationship based on BDSM, enforced male chastity, and other power exchanges rarely works. The classical love that forms when two people make that magic connection, cannot be replaced by mutual and complementary desires to do sexual things.

The second is that with patience, love, understanding, and honesty it’s possible to bend a straight vanilla relationship into a kinky one. As many of us have learned when trying to introduce enforced chastity to our partners, an honest, simple approach to the mechanical process succeeds far more often than trying to set up fantasy-based scenarios.

When I asked Mrs. Lion to spank me, all I said was, “I like to be spanked. Will you spank me?”

That was very difficult for me to say. I felt vulnerable and exposed with that simple request. For the record, when I asked her, she gave me a funny little look and then said, “I’ll try it if you want.”

I didn’t realize at the time how important it was to limit my request to the specific physical activity. In my mind I had fantasies of being spanked for doing things I shouldn’t. If I had tried presenting that, I’m sure we would never have started. The reason I didn’t was that I realized there was way too much context needed to begin considering a disciplinary relationship. I also realized that being spanked turned me on. I knew that I would be happy if she would juat paddle my butt.

My years of topping taught me that BDSM scenes don’t require role-play. In fact, as a top I disliked taking on a role. I preferred providing the physical sensations I negotiated with the bottom. That experience allowed me to realize that what I really wanted was for Mrs. Lion to spank me. I didn’t care if she had a reason or not.

Mrs. Lion makes me hold soft,wet soap between my teeth for several minutes.

Now, years later, we have the context of punishment and discipline. I also get spanked sometimes just “because”. We developed the disciplinary context together. Punishments are very limited in terms of variety. At this point almost all feature spanking, painful spanking. Sometimes I will get mouth-soaping. That’s what happened to me Monday night. I think that this addition was very positive. For reasons I can’t explain, it’s difficult to make the spanking hurt more than a few minutes after it’s done. It just seems to be the way my bottom is built. However, spending time with soap in my mouth remains with me for an hour or more if I’m not permitted to eat anything when the punishment is done. I like this lasting effect.

I’m very sure that Mrs. Lion has no investment in making me feel the effects of her punishment any particular amount of time. I’m also pretty sure that, like spanking, mouth-soaping is just another thing I’ve asked her to do. That’s the point. It’s as simple as that. What we do is a combination of things I’ve asked for and things she’s decided she wants to do. The combination helps make us happier and closer to one another.

Punishment and Dessert

spahing spoon on Lion's butt

This is the spanking spoon shown on our size indicator (Lion’s butt). It’s made from very dense Chechen wood. This is the meanest paddle we own.
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Lion finally got his punishment for forgetting punishment day on Saturday. Since he also ate before me at breakfast yesterday, I gave him a little something extra. It’s been quite a while since he’s been spanked. His buns missed the attention.

I chose the chechin wood spoon-shaped paddle because it has a small head and I can focus the swats in one area if I choose. I started out swatting all over but then I decided to focus them in the sweet spot. I don’t know if he had any idea how many swats he got. I did 200 swats in bursts of ten.

When I was done with that punishment, I told Lion he was also getting a mouth soaping. I think it worked out well since he was due punishment for two separate offenses. The mouth soaping seemed to fit with his eating first yesterday. I had him hold the soap for three minutes. That may not sound like much until you try to hold soap in your mouth for three minutes. I can tell you it’s three minutes too long for me. Good thing I’m not on the receiving end. [Lion — We use a hypoallergenic, unscented soap. It doesn’t taste good, but it isn’t too bad either. The Ivory was much worse. The Ivory soap burned me because I had to hold it in my mouth too long. Three to five minutes probably wouldn’t burn.]

Lion’s sore spot on my weenie,

Somehow, Lion got a sore spot on my weenie (See image, left). I teased him that his girlfriend must have bitten a little too hard. I’m sure it’s just one of those things that happens. He’s had sore spots before that really had no reason for being. It looks a little like a zipper accident but I don’t thing that’s the case. Needless to say, I decided we should leave it alone last night. We’ll see how it is tonight.

Our Romcom

As I mentioned the other day, the way Mrs. Lion and I met and our relationship began is a textbook example of how to fail with the opposite sex. We met via an online dating site and exchanged only a few emails before agreeing to meet for sex. It was obvious that we were both ready to go.

We met at a motel that rented rooms by the hour. We got into the room and while it was obvious that we were both feeling a bit shy, we got out of our clothes, and had very fun lion-style sex. After our orgasms, we snuggled and talked for a little while, got dressed, and went home. Quite a first date.

We repeated this pattern once or twice a week for more than a month. When the woman who was living with me  finally moved out, Mrs. Lion came there for her visits. She stayed longer. Our pattern didn’t really change. We were out of our clothing within minutes of her arrival and in the afterglow of sex not long after. We did talk. When we weren’t having sex we held hands. Since we were in my house, and Mrs. Lion did not have to be home at any particular time, she stayed and we had dinner together and hung out until she had to leave for work. She worked delivering newspapers and had to be on the road about 1 AM.

This is hardly your typical romantic story. Her visits continued more than once a week and very obviously we enjoyed them. Neither of us can explain exactly what happened, but at some point we both realized that we didn’t want to be apart. I can’t explain it. All I know is that I was lonely when she wasn’t with me.

It wasn’t the sex that glued us to one another. I shouldn’t say that. The sex kept us together until whatever magic made us fall in love had time to work. I don’t think you can find any psychologist or marriage counselor who would suggest that what we did is a good way to forge a lifetime relationship. Certainly, neither of us went in with that in mind. We both just wanted to get laid.

I can see that freely available sex could keep a couple coming back over at least some time. But in my experience, it’s far from enough to make me fall in love. I’d like to claim that at some subconscious level we both knew that we were meant for one another. We’ve talked about this. Neither of us believes we did. If you believe in predestination, then it’s pretty easy to understand what happened to us. If you believe that a lot of fun sex can be enough for a marriage, it’s also pretty easy to believe.

If sex was the principal reason we got together, then when Mrs. Lion started losing interest in it, you would expect things to fall apart.  It didn’t.

There was also the matter of BDSM.

When she met me, Mrs. Lion had absolutely no experience or interest in power exchange. After we had been fucking for a while, I let her know that I like to be spanked. She didn’t look happy when I told her. But, the next time we were together she decided to give it a try. I barely felt her swats.

That’s not the point. The point is that if all she wanted was to get laid, my introduction of spanking should have turned her off. She would have either refused or stopped our trysts. She didn’t. Instead, almost every time we got together, she would spank me. Over time, her hand spanking would make my bottom pink. I’m not sure why she worked hard to succeed at this. Was my reaction something she learned to like?

I don’t think she can answer that question. All we both know is that she learned how to effectively and painfully spank me. She also learned how to do CBT as well. Over time she learned anal play and pegged me with various toys. All the while, we had amazingly nice sex.

If you are a long-time reader, you know that over 5 years ago, Mrs. Lion lost interest in sex for herself. We went through a time when I got very little sexual contact with her. If our relationship was based on sex, during those years we should have broken up. We didn’t. Even though I jerked off two or three times a week, and once a month she would masturbate me or give me oral sex, it never occurred to me to leave or find another partner on the side.

Clearly the glue isn’t sex. It’s our strong love for one another. When we started enforced male chastity and this blog, Mrs. Lion came to know that I needed sex more than once a month. It was obvious that I also needed our power exchange. So, she picked up her paddle, hid the key to my chastity device, edged me almost every day, and gave me just as active a sex life as I had before she lost interest.

In fact, yesterday morning when she served breakfast, I started eating before her. I thought I saw her taking a bite of our cornbread first. As I chomped down on my piece I heard a loud exclamation:

“Ah Ha!”

Her exclamation truly surprised me. I don’t think she’s ever done that before when I’ve broken a rule. In an email later in the morning she told me that I would be punished. She wrote that she wasn’t sure if I would be beaten that night. She decided we would wait until we both saw how we felt. I had an eye doctor appointment scheduled that she is driving me to.

She felt like it. She spanked me and had me yelling loudly. After I thanked her, she told me she wasn’t done. She took me into the bathroom and gave me a mouth soaping. The taste still lingers in my mouth. She made sure it would. Before making me hold the bar in my mouth, she soaped up her hands and covered every inch of my mouth and teeth.

I think Mrs. Lion is still trying to feel out how strict she should be. My recent medical issues makes her more cautious. However, there’s absolutely no reason for her to hold back. When I say it this way, it sounds like she is anxiously awaiting the opportunity to bruise me again. She isn’t. She wants to do what works for me. So what I should really say is that I’m more than ready for her to use all the skills she’s acquired over the years to give me a spanking I will really regret.

You might not think that belongs in a romantic post. I think it does it’s a very clear example of the way we approach each other. For the power exchange to work, I need to believe that she wants me to change and is willing to make it very painful when I don’t do what I should. I think the reality is that she wants to provide me with what I asked her for. She’s been conditioned to expect to eat first. It’s not an emotional blow if she doesn’t. But she knows that I need to feel her authority. When she isn’t strict, it affects me.

Meanwhile, through all of my recent surgical adventures, Mrs. Lion has taken excellent care of me. She could’ve insisted that I go to a rehab facility after my spinal surgery. She didn’t. Instead, she took great care of me when I couldn’t take care of myself.

When we started out, we each had a selfish, sexual goal. We both wanted to fuck. We connected for sex. We continued meeting for sex. Somehow despite that, we fell in love way beyond sex. Now after being together almost 17 years, we are inseparable. How about that?

It’s All For Me

I wonder how women perceive men who wear chastity devices. I don’t mean this in the sense that they might look down on us or think of us as “perverts”. I’m thinking about a more subtle reaction. The most obvious, but almost-never-mentioned conclusion she might reach is that the man cannot control his own penis. He needs a mechanical device to prevent him from expressing himself sexually.

In fact, this is the basis for most of the chastity fantasies floating around the Internet. The penis is considered as almost a separate entity from the guy it’s attached to. When you think of it this way, it makes absolutely no sense. I would think you’d belong in a mental institution if you couldn’t exhibit enough self-control to keep it in your pants. Compulsive masturbation is a pathology. I strongly doubt any of the men who claim they need to be locked up to stop, really have this problem.

Judging by my past, I would say that either boredom or frustration drove me to jerk off. It wasn’t any more complicated than that. If Mrs. Lion and I had a conversation about me masturbating without a chastity device being part of it, I’m pretty sure the outcome would be exactly the same as it was when I asked her to lock me up. If I’m prepared to accept her authority, at least in sexual matters, then if she told me I could no longer masturbate, then I wouldn’t. Certainly, there are times I’m super horny, but I’ve never been so horny my hand played with my penis despite my resolution to leave it alone.

If, on the other hand, I really didn’t accept Mrs. Lion’s sexual authority, I might sneak behind her back and jerk off. This is the basis of chastity fantasy. In it, the male is told to stop masturbating, maybe stop looking at porn, etc. He says yes, but has no real commitment to obeying. So one day she catches him at his computer jerking off to his favorite porn. She decides he can’t be trusted and locks him in the chastity device. That’s the story. I think it’s silly. Why would a guy who has no intention of keeping his hands off his penis allow his partner to put it in the chastity device?

It may seem like a harmless fantasy. I thought about this a lot. If I were the woman and my partner asked to be locked in the chastity device because he couldn’t be trusted without one, it would raise much larger questions in my mind. Why is this guy addicted to playing with his cock? Does he really think that little of me? Why would I want to play this silly game?

Men always talk about how trusting they need to be to allow their partners to lock up their penises. We all know that escape from most chastity devices is possible, often easy. When a guy has that conversation about having a chastity device locked on him, the real trust question has to do with his partner. Is he saying that she can’t trust him without some sort of mechanical bondage device around his penis? Is their bond so weak that he can’t even resist masturbating?

For the record, I never had that conversation with Mrs. Lion. I told her that it turned me on to wear a chastity device. I said that I would love it if she took control and would tease me and eventually give me orgasms as she wished. During the conversation she found out that I occasionally (two or three times a week) masturbated. I was incredibly surprised that she didn’t know I did it. As soon as I found out that she hated the idea, I agreed to stop. I would’ve made that agreement with or without the hardware.

She saw the value of associating “curing” me of this nasty habit with wearing the chastity device. Neither of us really believed it was necessary for that purpose. However, it was hot to talk that way. Bloggers, me included, have written about the exciting prospect of being physically prevented from jerking off. I think we may be doing our readers a disservice. It truly doesn’t take much willpower to control masturbation. It does require our partners to recognize that we’ve given up an important sexual outlet and will need some sort of replacement.

In my case, I got edged every day or two and occasionally was masturbated to ejaculation. I didn’t miss my sessions of self abuse. Both of us were very clear that the reason I asked to be locked into a chastity device was because the idea turned me on. That, believe it or not, is a very good reason to do it. I would expect most women, while surprised by the request, could handle it. Trying to associate and force chastity with other behavioral issues raises the stakes to the point that many women wouldn’t even consider it.

In many relationships, the guy is responsible for putting on and taking off the device. Most control the key. Their partners may direct them to lock and unlock, but don’t have any physical relationship with the hardware. It might be worth asking why not? Mrs. Lion has me put on and remove the base ring. She worries about hurting me when my balls and penis are threaded through it. I would prefer her to do it, but I understand. However, she and only she handles the actual cage. She retains the key and places the cage on my penis and locks it in place. There are no exceptions to this.

I think this is a very powerful activity. It’s her chastity device and her penis. She likes owning it; at least she says she does. If I want to test a new device, she locks it on me. I’m not free to test new ones even if I’m wild at the time. Apparently, I’m free to touch sexually on a limited basis if I’m not locked up. I’m absolutely forbidden to masturbate, and I don’t.

For us, enforced male chastity is a transfer of ownership. My penis, instead of being my favorite toy, is now her property to do with as she wishes. The chastity device is a concession to my kinky side. I doubt she would use it if I didn’t want her to. That doesn’t change her ownership. We’ve agreed the penis is hers. Yes, I can get myself hard when I’m wild. She knows I can and that occasionally I do. I never get myself even close to the edge. If it bothers her that I occasionally get myself hard, she hasn’t said anything about it. Of course if she wants me to be totally hands off, she has two choices: She can explicitly forbid any sexual touching, or can keep me in my device all the time.

I don’t think she cares either way. After all, if I manage to get myself aroused I’m just increasing my frustration and my desire for her to give me release. I’m not moving myself down the path of jerking off.

We don’t talk about this very much. She never initiates any conversations about my penis. Occasionally I asked her how she feels about this or that. The same is true of the device. I generally have to ask her if she’s going to lock me up again. I’m a little disappointed about that but I know we don’t think about chastity devices the same way. She considers it something I like and not anything useful to her. So it is fair for me to help perpetuate my lockup.

I think that if guys recognize that this is almost certainly the way it will work for them, they can structure that important “chastity conversation” in a way that is much easier for their partners to accept. While it’s very hot to imagine the diabolical control my lioness has over me, I’m completely aware that she doesn’t feel that way. She locked me up because I find it hot. I don’t jerk off because she’s deadly serious about considering that something she never wants me to do. It’s not related to my chastity device or to enforced male chastity.