I can’t explain it. I don’t think Lion was snoozing last night. We were watching TV and, yes, I was on my iPad. I can’t say what we were watching was particularly engrossing. As I recall, it was all repeats. But for some reason, I didn’t even attempt to snuggle or play with Lion. It wasn’t a conscious effort. I just zoned out.

It was after 9 when Lion asked if I was okay. I was. I know earlier in the day I thought I was getting a migraine, but it never developed. Maybe that’s what stopped me. I don’t have an answer. Later on, Lion asked me again if I was okay. I was. Obviously he’d noticed the lack of attention. He thought maybe I wasn’t feeling well. I thought I was okay. Maybe I wasn’t. Again, no idea.

I guess sometimes my brain just decides it’s time to go on autopilot. I’d made dinner. I’d made cookies. True, I’d forgotten about the cookies and almost burned them to a crisp, but that’s not unlike me. I was a functioning person for most of the day. So why zone out at night? I’m certain it had nothing to do with Lion. I wasn’t mad at him for anything. I wasn’t withholding sex for any reason. It was not deliberate. It was not an action. It was definitely inaction, which is also not unlike me.

We both slept late this morning. I know Lion has had trouble sleeping the past few nights so I’m sure it was a welcome change for him. I’m not aware that I’ve had trouble sleeping but, there I was, sleeping late too. I hope it helped both of us. Perhaps it will act as a reset button and we’ll play tonight.

I’ll make sure I give Lion the attention he needs. I might even get him to the edge.

I noticed that people on the Internet are obsessed with the need to create labels and definitions for everything. In its earliest infancy, online newsgroups fretted for months on end to come up with a label that would describe a female dominant person. People felt that the word “Dom” referred to a male. They also rejected dominatrix in the same general sense that people lately reject the word actress. Apparently assigning gender to nouns can denote lesser or greater status. I must be missing something. Is a lioness inferior to a lion? Obviously not!

The origin of “male chastity device” comes from the hardware. Before all the emotional and sexual baggage was loaded onto it, chastity devices were nothing more than objects designed to prevent men from masturbating. I’m sure this derived from the older term “chastity belt” the origins of that are lost in the mists of time. For the record, there were no female chastity belts during the Crusades. The first known chastity devices originated in Victorian times when it was believed that mental illness and feeblemindedness in men were both attributable to male masturbation. Chastity devices were created to keep boys and men from spilling their seed.

Up until quite recently, chastity devices of the male variety, of course, had nothing to do with orgasm denial. Their application was self-imposed. Obviously, wearing a chastity device makes having an orgasm problematic. It’s certainly possible to accomplish with sufficient effort, but it is a lot of work. In all the years I’ve been reading and writing about male chastity, I’ve yet to see anyone claim its use is to prevent a male from having sex with anyone other than his keyholder.

I know that the reason I enjoy wearing a chastity device is that I like the loss of sexual control it provides. It’s a unique form of bondage that turns me on. From the very start, wearing a chastity device didn’t mean that I wouldn’t get opportunities to ejaculate. Mrs. Lion likes making me come. She has no problem unlocking me quite frequently for the express purpose of making me produce semen. I have no problem with it because my love of male chastity is based on the fact that I lose the ability to decide when I get a chance to ejaculate. I don’t interpret frequent opportunities as loss of control for my keyholder. I get to come when she decides she wants me to. The chastity device, while not strictly necessary, helps reinforce her position.

I suppose it was inevitable that men would associate being locked in a chastity device with orgasm denial. After all, one could reason that if the penis is safely locked in a flaccid state, achieving orgasm ranges from impossible to very difficult. However, there is some faulty logic at work. The assumption is that if the penis is wild the owner can have orgasms anytime he wants. If it’s locked in a chastity device only the person with the key gets to decide when or if he gets to come. I don’t think that the vast majority of people who practice male orgasm denial use chastity devices to enforce it. Mrs. Lion practices orgasm control with me and doesn’t feel any need at all to lock my penis in a chastity device to enforce her control. Over the years, I’ve known lots of people who practice orgasm denial and control. None of them used hardware to enforce it.

In fact, without ever discussing it, I think Mrs. Lion believed she was the sole source of my ejaculations for many years before we even talked about locking me into a chastity device. She was genuinely surprised when she learned that I masturbated on my own when I was horny. She thought that she was the only source of ejaculation I had. That was naïve of her, I suppose. As soon as she learned about my secret masturbation, she put an immediate end to it.

I suppose it’s necessary to start looking at terminology. Let’s start with the easiest term: orgasm denial. It’s commonly believed that this is a practice where one person by force of will or hardware, denies another sexual release. Does that mean someone being denied orgasms can never have one?

In the dubious tradition of Internet terminology creation, let me suggest that there are really two different terms needed to cover what is now “orgasm denial”. I would suggest that if you practice orgasm denial, it means that while you are practicing it one person is denied having any orgasms. If Mrs. Lion practices orgasm denial with me, it means that I never have an opportunity to ejaculate so long as she is practicing it. The second term is “orgasm control”. Mrs. Lion practices orgasm control with me. That means I don’t get to decide when I am permitted to ejaculate. She and she alone determines when I can do that.

I think these two terms are unambiguous and mutually exclusive. Both apply equally well to men who are wearing or not wearing chastity devices. I would suggest that the term “male chastity” be retired. It doesn’t have a clear meaning. Instead, I suggest that we refer to the actual use of a device. For example, I may be locked in a chastity device and Mrs. Lion is practicing orgasm control with me. It’s a little more verbose, but it does correctly describe what we are doing.

I think Tom Allen’s hard work trying to develop a two-dimensional matrix supporting physically locking a penis in a chastity device on one axis and frequency of ejaculation on another, offers some insight as to the “chastity orthodoxy” of any given male. I don’t think it helps resolve any sort of thought about hardware/orgasm control spectrum definitions. Based on my own experience, a chastity device is something I like to wear. It’s completely unnecessary to support Mrs. Lion’s control of my sexuality. I’m trained to only let her bring me to orgasm and ejaculation. It’s not something I can do for myself anymore.

I know that there are men who stay locked in a chastity device full-time. Their keyholders allow them to get themselves off now and then without removing the device. It makes ejaculation a physical challenge as well as a treat.

There’s a third dimension when considering orgasm control and male chastity devices. Some keyholders use orgasm control, enforced by the chastity device as a form of discipline. Orgasms are withheld as a way of correcting behaviors. Chastity fantasies abound with this scenario. I’m not aware of any couples who practice this, but I am sure they are out there. Mrs. Lion has always kept sex separate from discipline. If I need correcting, she will spank me or impose some other non-sexual punishment. On occasions when I have been spanked, it isn’t uncommon for her to give me an orgasm as well in the same evening. The orgasm has nothing to do with my offense or punishment. It’s just a coincidence they occurred on the same night.

The reason I think we should consider disciplinary chastity (How do you like that term?) separately from orgasm denial/control.is that the chastity device becomes an instrument of disciplinary enforcement. It’s locked on as a way to assure compliance with the sentence of abstinence. This is certainly a valid application of sexual control and wearing a chastity device. I think it’s probably the rarest use of these things.

Because wearing a chastity device also implies surrendering sexual control, we often conflate the two. It’s convenient to think this way. That doesn’t mean it’s correct. We know that every wearable chastity device can be escaped. We also know that it’s possible to ejaculate without an erection and while wearing a device. At best, the device makes cheating more inconvenient. I wear a chastity device because I like feeling that my penis is under physical control. I would never attempt to escape a device. I wouldn’t try to get myself off while wearing one. I like bondage.

Mrs. Lion used my voluntary compliance with being locked into a chastity device as a training aid to teach me never to masturbate. I am well-trained and won’t jerk off. I’m not sure if I would be 100% compliant had I not been locked in a chastity device for several years. During those years, my penis was freed only under the direct supervision of Mrs. Lion. Even then, she, and only she could get me off. She has never permitted me to jerk off even under her supervision. She is my only source of sex. We aren’t practicing orgasm denial; she gives me orgasms on a regular basis. We are practicing orgasm control. I never get to have an orgasm that she doesn’t provide. All of this is completely independent of whether or not I’m locked into a chastity device.

It seems reasonable to me that we consider replacing the term “male chastity” with three, more descriptive terms. Orgasm denial and orgasm control refer to the external imposition of sexual power. Orgasm denial means that the male being denied does not get any chance to ejaculate. Orgasm control means that the male is allowed orgasms only with express permission of his partner who is exercising the control. Chastity discipline refers to the use of a chastity device to forcibly prevent ejaculation as a way of punishing an offense.

There is generally no need to refer to some sort of state defined as a male wearing a chastity device. It doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. It’s about as notable as creating a term to define whether or not I’m wearing a bowtie. The male chastity device is sexual hardware. It’s reasonable to talk about but doesn’t need a specific term to refer to a person who wears it.

I’m sure this will spur all sorts of debate. Terminology conversations always do. Isn’t it fun being a kinkster?

We didn’t get as early a start as Lion would like last night. I let my hair dry a little bit after my shower so I wouldn’t be dripping all over him. And then I went looking for the tiny clothespins. I wasn’t really going to put them on the head of his cock. It was more for shock value. I had to look around a bit before I found the bag with the bag of tiny clothespins. In addition to the tiny clothespins were plastic clothespins, some cock rings, the Velcro and a few other things. Lion hates the Velcro so I decided to use it for shock value too.

The last time we used Velcro, it left a sore spot on my weenie. I’m not sure if it just hit a sensitive spot or maybe I had it too tight. It took a while for the sore to heal and Lion hasn’t wanted to use it since. I say that as if he’s ever wanted to use it. I found it in Home Depot and decided it would be a good toy. And it has been. Until the sore spot developed.

When I suggested using it last night, Lion said it was too dangerous. It could seriously injure him if it’s too tight. I thought this was a bit dramatic. Obviously anything could injure him if we aren’t careful. I could tie his balls too tight and injure him. I could injure his rectum with a toy during anal play if I’m not careful. I didn’t give any of these examples out loud. This was a monologue in my head while I tried to get him hard.

[Lion — That velcro really hurts if she puts it on while I’m soft. I suppose that if it was too terrible, I wouldn’t get hard while it was on me. I trust Mrs. Lion. I’ll keep my mouth shut in the future.]

velcro on Lion's weenie
Too much? Naaah! That bottom
band is really choking him.

He added that I wouldn’t necessarily make it too tight. Too late! I was already in less of a mood to play with him. It bothered me that he seemed to think I’d do something intentionally to hurt him. If indeed, the Velcro was too tight and that caused the sore spot, it was definitely unintentional. As a matter of fact, I put it on him before he gets very hard and I know I have to loosen it as it starts to get tight. It’s not my first rodeo. Accidents do happen, so I’m leaving the possibility open that it might have been too tight that night. But that’s not to say it would have been too tight last night or that I wouldn’t have adjusted it as needed.

As I went on my merry way getting him excited, he glanced at me. I wondered why. He said he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. He meant the tiny clothespins. At that point, I didn’t care if they came out or not. “Can we just get this over with?” is what I was thinking. But I didn’t say anything. I know I could have pulled out the Velcro despite his comment. And I probably should have. But that seemed like a petty “oh yeah?” move. So I took out two of the not-the-tiniest clothespins and teased him with them.

I didn’t actually put them on the head of his cock. I put them along the line of skin at the base of his cock. I won’t say they didn’t hurt but it was certainly not as bad as where I threatened to put them. The skin moved around while I jerked him off and that made the clothespins move and that made Lion wince. Mission accomplished. Not-so-tiny little clothespins for the win.

Eventually, Lion hit his plateau again and we stopped. He said he was hornier than he had been before we played. I figure if I keep at it he’ll be horny enough to make it to the edge. That’s my theory at least.

I admit that I was skeptical. Mrs. Lion suggested resuming play spankings and to inaugurate their resumption she brought in her heavy, rubber paddle from the camper. Wednesday night was dark and stormy. It really was! The wind was howling and a power failure was threatened. Mrs. Lion did a lot of work preparing us for that possibility. She dragged our generator out of the storeroom, brought out some gas cans, got our lanterns ready, and made sure we both had flashlights at hand. After a whole day’s work, I figured she would be too tired for anything else.

I was wrong. She brought out the rubber paddle and said, “Want to play?”

Predictably, I agreed. What followed was exciting fun. Mrs. Lion combined hand spanking with the use of the paddle. I may have yelped once or twice, but in general, the spanking was pure pleasure. I guess it’s true that we can have both fun spanking and punishment spanking. She took her time. When she was done, she told me to roll over. I obediently followed her instruction. Then she took a long time masturbating me. I didn’t get exactly to the edge, but I got damn close.

She combined intense rubbing with much slower, deliberate strokes. I started “helping” her. And for a little while, she let me hump her hand. I really love that. After a very short while, she took over jerking me off. I could feel myself starting to plateau. She noticed too. She stopped leaving me breathing quite hard and clearly wanting more. She told me that we would continue on Thursday night and she would leave me wanting even more than I wanted Wednesday. I believe her.

Wednesday night was the first time in a very long time that we played this way. Maybe we had sunk into a routine that wasn’t doing either of us much good. Perhaps starting earlier and using more energy is good for us. It is certainly good for me. I’m writing this post on Thursday and I can tell you that I’ve been horny since I woke up this morning.

Even though we are active, kinky lions, it’s very easy for us to fall into ruts that may seem comfortable at first, but invariably lead us in a direction neither of us wants. When we first started playing, long before we got married, Mrs. Lion admitted that she was concerned she would get bored with me and the things I liked. At the time I was confused by this. After all, if all the variety I liked was boring can you imagine how dull vanilla sex would be for her?

I get the idea now. It wasn’t that she was concerned about the activities being boring, just that without a great deal of personal involvement, she might be bored providing me with these services. When Mrs. Lion’s libido disappeared, my concern about this issue grew stronger. All this is for me. What’s in it for her? This still worries me a little.

lion's balls tied tight

One way I think we get past it is that Mrs. Lion is more than a service provider. She’s in charge. She may not get turned on doing all this kinky stuff to me, but she has an opportunity to take pride in her skill delivering it. For example, I know she’s proud of the fact that she’s gone from someone who was afraid she’d injure me with light love taps to a very effective disciplinary spanker. Her skills have grown in other kinky arts as well. She is brilliant at CBT. She can tie up my cock and balls in a myriad of ways. When she ties them tightly with my balls separated, jerking me off is accompanied by the rhythm of my balls banging on the bed or my legs. I think she likes that.

The jury may still be out in terms of anal play. For a long time, she was unable to make any real progress. Now, she is able to get a full four fingers up my ass. I am pretty sure her thumb will be joining them in the very near future. Then it’s just a matter of working the knuckles in before she’s completely fisted me. I’m pretty sure she never imagined this is a skill she wanted to acquire. Perhaps she will enjoy her new proficiency.

From my perspective, I like the fact that once I set her off in a new direction, she takes over and I no longer decide how much or when she does those activities. We’ve reestablished our respective roles: It’s my job to experience and appreciate what she does to and for me. It’s her job to initiate and perpetuate those things she would like to do. Together, we enjoy her progress and success.

Even though in a lot of cases her success means more discomfort for me, I can still feel proud of her for becoming what I asked her to be. Lioness 3.0 is absolutely here to stay. I hope that makes her as happy as it makes me.