I have a lot of nights that I am awake for hours. Too tired to get up and too awake to sleep. So my mind wanders. And what it stumbled across last night was sort of enlightening.

I was thinking about Lion’s suggestion that I do reverse cowgirl anally. Given our current state of physical fitness (or lack thereof) I’m not sure it will work. More importantly, I’m not sure I want it to work. One of the reasons I want Lion to initiate is that for that period of time I am not the one doing. I am the one being done. I like the idea of him taking control and being the fucker instead of the fuckee. Maybe this is because of my tenuous grasp on being in control.

As Lion said, he finds it difficult to maintain an erection while standing or on top. In my opinion, to be in control, he has to be on top. He has to be the top. Since this might not be possible I think anal sex may remain in my past. Behind me, so to speak. And I’m ok with that.  If I wasn’t then I’d give the reverse cowgirl anal thing a try.

The most basic male chastity question of all is: What is this all about? Like most basic questions, there are no simple answers. In my case, I would have answered this question differently six months ago when we started. In fact, I’ll bet that six months from now my answer will change yet again. So here’s what I think its all about.

It’s easier to start off by saying what I think it isn’t about. For me, at least, it is not about preventing me from humping other lionesses or masturbating. I think that’s true of nearly all caged males. We aren’t locked up to keep our penises away from unauthorized females or to prevent us from jerking off. Perhaps some keyholders get comfort from the knowledge that their males can’t get release without them. My guess is that this isn’t a priority with many.

While it may seem that way, I don’t think it is really about sex at all. It’s true that my focus on sex has increased dramatically in the last six months. It’s also true that Mrs. Lion thinks a lot more about sex as well. However, I think that is a side effect of forced male chastity, not the central purpose. That brings us to what I think it is all about. In a word, it’s surrender.

If I get down to the absolute root of my chastity experience, I see that it is all about me surrendering to Mrs. Lion. That may take a bit of explanation. First, there are almost no cases where the female partner introduces male chastity into the relationship. Virtually every caged male introduced his partner to the practice. In many cases, including mine, the female partner needed time to understand and embrace the male’s request. I’ve asked multiple times in public forums for examples where a keyholder introduced chastity into her relationship. Only one positive and one “maybe” were mentioned.

So, what does this mean? It means that males, like me, want our partners to take sexual control of us. We want to surrender sexually. When we started, I knew I wanted Mrs. Lion to take charge. The idea really turned me on. At the time I hadn’t thought through exactly what this meant. I had visions of “scenes” where I bottomed to Mrs. Lion and she would spank me, anally use me, and give me great orgasms. I didn’t think deeply about the underlying message.

Six months of 24/7 lockup has given me time to think about what is happening. I have realized that the key to my satisfaction with being caged is the fact that I can’t forget I have given all control over my sexual pleasure to Mrs. Lion. She hasn’t taken it. She probably didn’t (or doesn’t) want it. But she understands that for whatever reason, it’s something I want and need.

That’s the key. Forced male chastity isn’t about the keyholder taking control and using it for her own pleasure. That couldn’t be further from the truth. The real explanation is that the caged male wants, maybe needs, his keyholder to have control over his sexuality and, at least in my case, other areas of his life. While the fantasy might be that the keyholder takes control and then bends her male to her will, the reality is that the male asks the keyholder to take control and he wants her to unmistakably show him he has forever lost control over the use of his penis.

My big learning after six months is that this isn’t about Mrs. Lion wanting to control me. It is about my need for her to take control. That’s why I don’t need an inescapable chastity device and why I would never cheat and play with myself even if unlocked. The entire forced male chastity experience is for me at my request. No matter how cruel my keyholder may appear, everything she is doing is because I want her to take control and make me feel it.

That’s what I think this is all about.

 

Yesterday, Mrs. Lion talked about her anal play. She got things absolutely right. We talked about this play and she has set the lofty goal of getting me to like being pegged and to accept her entire hand. If she continues regular training sessions, I have no doubt that we will achieve both. She also reminisced about our early days when I fucked her anally. I really liked that. It did taper off after a while. I think the reason I stopped is that has gotten more and more difficult for me to maintain an erection when I am either on top or standing. I’m not sure why this is happening. Some may be age and gravity, but I have no problem staying hard if Mrs. Lion rides me. Some of this may be psychological. Maybe we can try with me taking a boner pill (Cialis). I have a small supply. Or, maybe Mrs. Lion can insert me anally when she rides me. I would love that. This came to mind when I read the very graphic account of Monkey and Lady M playing. She effortlessly moved from cowgirl (or reverse cowgirl) to anal cowgirl. If she feels so inclined, maybe Mrs. Lion could try that with me next time she goes lion riding. In so many ways we are playing catch-up. Our chastity adventure promises to help us recapture those times, a decade ago, that we both loved so much.

Don’t get me wrong, we never had a bad time. Our love has continued to grow every day since we have been together. It’s a tribute to our love, that we were able to put sex on the back burner without resentment or infidelity. The fact remains that I want to spend my life with Mrs. Lion regardless of sex or anything else. I want her to be happy. I’m wearing a cage between my legs because she wants me to be happy. The fantasies may claim that the keyholder is the one who gets the greatest happiness from forced male chastity. It’s not true in our case. I am the big winner. I’m the one living out something I have long wanted. I’m getting more sex than I have in a very long time. More importantly, we are communicating more and talking about things that remained unsaid for many years. Overall, it’s a good deal. I’m very grateful.

There are times that I question myself. Why would I go to the trouble of having to compensate for my cage in such mundane things as urinating at work? Sometimes, the cage will pinch me when sitting at my desk if I slide in my chair in just the wrong way. There is always at least a bit of urine smell down there caused by me dripping after I pee. It’s a project finding underwear that won’t bind and still contain the cage in an inconspicuous way. I’m on to a new type now that will, hopefully, not bind up when I drive or sit for a long time. For a guy with no underwear fetish, I spend way too much time searching for the right solution. On those occasions when Mrs. Lion lets me run around without my cage, I enjoy the feeling of freedom and sometimes wonder why I want the cage back on.

I think that both of us are more than a little surprised by the effect this cage locked on my penis is having on us and on our relationship. Things are better; much better. It isn’t always easy for either of us. We both have doubts and have to consciously work to continue on this path. After reading Mrs. Lion’s post yesterday, I realized that her discussion of anal play is just one manifestation of her continuing hard work to avoid letting things slip backward. Shoving things up my ass is more than just teaching me to enjoy pegging or accept larger objects. It is her way of training herself to be consistent and not to let boredom or inertia take over again.

For me, being caged requires me to stay very closely in tune with Mrs. Lion sexually. I know that I am absolutely dependent on her for any sexual pleasure or release. In the past, I could masturbate if I felt horny, or I could indirectly (I would scooch on the bed) inform her that I needed relief. Now, I have to be direct and good natured about petitioning for an orgasm. Unlike previous times when we played, I can’t pretend to be a bottom and top Mrs. Lion into doing what I wanted. Now, that cage is a very firm physical reminder that I truly don’t have control. I must communicate or go without.

In some respects, I wish we were more like the very sexual couples who daily have orgasmic adventures. We can’t do that. It just isn’t who we are right now. However, we are developing a rhythm that works for both of us. Given that we haven’t been able to do that in a very long time, that’s a big achievement.

 

I’m sure many of you wonder why I want to train Lion to take the larger Njoy butt plug and then my fist. Well, it’s a long term goal for one thing. It’s something we will work at for a long time. It’s not like spanking which is over fairly quickly. There’s no set date, but we are both committed to making it happen. Lion doesn’t have much of a choice in the matter. He agreed to it so it is now in my control. Naturally, I will take certain things into consideration. Last night he had the smaller Njoy in for about an hour when he confided that he was having a lot of discomfort and asked if I would remove it. I’m not evil. Of course I removed it.

Another reason I want to train Lion anally is more of a selfish one. Actually it’s two-fold. First, when I put the butt plug in I am done. I check in from time to time, but for the most part, it’s pretty hands off. This is not true of dildos. They require my attention to keep them in or to move them in and out. We do have a fucking machine that we’ve used once or twice for Lion’s “pleasure”. Once he is able to handle pegging better we’ll use it again and then even that will be hands off to some extent. Second, by making it a long term goal, I’m hoping it will keep my focus and I won’t get bored with it. It can be my go-to activity. When I don’t know what else to do, I can do that.

And finally, the best way for me to peg and fist Lion is in the sling. He loves the sling. He was excited just thinking about being in it last weekend. I think that’s why he was super hard on Sunday. He didn’t necessarily enjoy being pegged, but being restrained is like hitting the jackpot for him. He got excited last night just thinking about how excited he was in the sling.

Lion hasn’t gotten to the point of actually enjoying pegging yet. The first sex we ever had was anal. Him inside me. We used to do it a lot. Then he introduced the idea of playing and we did it less and then not at all. Then the tables turned and I was doing it to him. It’s an intense feeling. Similar to and yet different from vaginal sex. It’s been a long time, but I liked it. I know Lion will too. He just needs to be trained.

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