Mmmmmmm Bacon
The dog woke me up a few times this morning to go out. At one point Lion was awake when I came back to bed. He said he was dreaming about bacon and it made him try to get hard. He never knew bacon made him horny. Obviously I had to make bacon for breakfast! We also had one of Lion’s favorites – blueberry walnut pancakes.
Last night I punished Lion for eating first and spilling food on himself a few nights before. I used a wooden spoon. When I’d gotten him sufficiently rosy I used a hairbrush to exact the interest on the punishment loan he required when he was too cold to come out from under the blankets. The wooden spoon was used in true punishment fashion – mostly light swats with a few hard thrown in. The interest was four hard swats. I used a different implement and harder swats to dissuade him from taking out punishment loans on a regular basis.
A while later I unlocked him and worked on getting him hard. It took a little bit but I was rewarded with a nice erection. I used my hand for a while and then brought out the Magic Wand. Fast or slow, Lion loves that vibrator. Eventually I settled on the speed at which Lion will buck into my hand. He wasn’t exactly bucking but I knew I’d hit his stride. I got him very close several times. I didn’t give him much rest in between either. He was panting when I stopped. I think if I had gone one more stroke he would have come. Too bad.
I let him stay wild for a bit. He’s been asking me if I want him to put the ring on. Sometimes I do forget. Last night I think I might have surprised him by telling him to put it on with no reminder from him.
I’m not quite sure why but the ring has gone on fairly smoothly since I re-caged him. I used to have so much trouble getting the threads lined up. The biggest trouble I have now is convincing Mr. Weenie he needs to stop trying to get hard so I can shove him in to be locked up. He really does have a mind of his own at times.
We Aren’t That Simple
Most of what I write and read about our little corner of the sexual world is about specific things. Things like orgasms, chastity hardware, punishments, erections, and male reactions to them. All are artifacts relating to sexual control.
Most people, male and female, go through life experiencing sex without consciously considering anything more than finding satisfaction. Masturbation, for example, is for many the simplest and ultimately most satisfying form of sex. It’s reliable, fun, and uses imagination to drive desire and satisfaction.
Masturbation control is the most frequent reason that guys give for wanting to start wearing chastity devices. There’s a problem with that claim. It suggests that the guy is unable to control himself and needs hardware to stop. If that’s really true, much more than a chastity device is required. The devices we wear aren’t exactly bank vaults. This reason just doesn’t hold water.
I’ve been thinking about what;’s really going on. It isn’t a need for external sexual control to stop a porn or masturbation problem. It isn’t some generic male problem with sexual control. I’ve read way too much about the idea that I’m unable to control my sexual needs. There are endless rationalizations around that idea. What’s odd to me is that so many men agree with it.
There must be a deeper reason. I think that at the most basic level, we want attention. Enforced chastity is a manifestation of the need for sexual attention. That was true in my case. It’s ironic that orgasm control, which results in less sex is the ultimate cure for this. If I look at the base need for most of the BDSM activity I like, as well as the permanent relationship changes we have made, it comes down to reassurance of love and care.
Withholding my sexual release requires involvement with me and attention to my sexual state and needs. If you lock my genitals in a cage, you take some responsibility. You can’t just lock my cock and forget about me. You could, but you won’t.
All of the agreements we have relate to this most basic need for love and attention. The fact that I want this doesn’t imply that Mrs. Lion doesn’t love me or give me attention. She always has. It has everything to do with me. I’ve managed to identify the buttons that need pushing for me to feel secure and loved. In my case, they happen to include sexual control and behavioral discipline.
Interestingly, I don’t need either. I don’t have many bad habits that annoy my lioness. I’m a responsible member of my community. Masturbation was never really a problem. I did it a couple of times a week when I wasn’t getting sex. I didn’t ask Mrs. Lion to lock me up or establish our FLA because I needed behavioral correction. I strongly doubt the vast majority of men who want this sort of relationship establish it because of behavioral problems. Their reasons, like mine, are deeply rooted in their psyches.
It gets on my nerves when bloggers promote the myths that men need orgasm control in order to stay attracted to their wives. Or, that they have a porn addiction that drives them to masturbate. We are not simple people. We are driven by many subtle, deep-rooted needs. The greatest expression of trust and mutual love is when these needs are expressed and then our partners accept and try to fill them.
Mrs. Lion is that kind of partner. I’m very lucky.
The Next Best Thing
It was pretty cold in the house last night. We were both huddled under the blankets watching TV. I agreed to postpone Lion’s punishment until it’s warmer. Of course that could be July. But I told him I reserve the right to add interest to the punishment depending on how long I wait. The rain seems to be returning so it should warm up a little.
As we were getting ready for bed Lion said he’s been locked up for a long time with no play. By his count it was three days. By my count it was two. He said he’s been locked since Tuesday night after his orgasm so that makes three day – Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. I say he got his orgasm Tuesday so that night doesn’t count as a no play night. Wednesday I was really tired and last night we were freezing. Two nights without play. [Lion – I wasn’t counting nights without play. I was counting nights without being out of the cage.]
Regardless of how many days it’s been for the poor Lion, I’m sure we’ll play this weekend. We have four days together if he stays home Tuesday with me. If not, then three is still good. And I only work half a day today. There’s definitely time for the sling and some pegging. And I can probably even tunnel through the spare bedroom to find the blindfold.
Last night Lion asked me if I thought we should stop enforced chastity and female led marriage. I don’t. He said he doesn’t either. I’m not entirely sure why he asked. I think he’s sorry he’s back in the cage. But if we did stop, what then? Wouldn’t we just fall back into old habits of not playing? I’m not suggesting the cage is needed anymore, but could I still edge him if I felt like it? Why would he let me? I wouldn’t be in charge anymore. There’d be no more “because I said so.” I’m sure he wouldn’t miss the punishment aspect. Maybe if there was something to replace it. The next best thing.
Do you have something in mind, Lion?
Best By Date
We are closing in on the end of the year. It’s time to take a look back. Based on Mrs. Lion’s comment, it looks like I will have 60 orgasms this year. That amounts to an average of one every 6 days. Not shown on the graph are the edging sessions. Given, that for at least three months in 2017 I was uninterested in sex (3 medical procedures), the real average is probably less.
Mrs. Lion reminded me (and you) that my orgasm control isn’t about reducing the number of orgasms to as small a number as possible. She believes that I should come when she feels like giving me an orgasm; no schedule or other rules.
Her weapon of choice is the hand job. That’s clear by looking at the graph. Sixty-nine percent are executed by hand, thirty percent oral. I enjoyed all but nine percent; they were ruined. Some think that such frequent orgasms invalidate our male chastity relationship. Of course, Mrs. Lion decides when I get to ejaculate.
I keep track of orgasms and wait times purely out of curiosity and my interest in keeping track. I guess many guys are like that. We’ve been at all this long enough to feel secure that we are doing the right thing; for us. The reason I decided to share these stats is that I like the cool charts I can make with Excel. I use a spreadsheet to track my sex life.
I do a lot of things that ultimately aren’t particularly meaningful. I wear a chastity device but don’t need one to remain chaste. I want a disciplinary relationship even though Mrs. Lion and I have a great partnership and we rarely argue. Keeping books on my orgasms has no effect on my sex life.
All of these things are complications that I’m responsible for imposing on our lives. Now that we are at the end of our fourth year doing this stuff, I can’t help but reflect on these choices. I think it’s healthy to evaluate the contribution these things make to us and our relationship. Somewhat surprisingly, I think all this stuff is good for us both.
Of course, right now I wouldn’t mind retracting the disciplinary part. I committed two food sins. On Wednesday night I ate before Mrs. Lion. Last night, I managed to get some Tika Masala on my shirt. I’m writing this Thursday night while she is in the shower. When she gets out, I’ll be spanked. I’m not sure what else is in store for me, but I won’t like it.
Lest you think I am protesting something I actually want, let me state that I don’t want to be punished. I just want to snuggle under the covers (it’s cold here), hold hands, and watch TV.
It’s times like this that make me wonder why I think I want this sort of stuff. I also wonder why I wanted to go back into the chastity device. Have we passed the “best by” date? Is four years long enough for all this? I don’t know. It’s worth thinking about.
