How To Introduce A Chastity Device To Your Partner
Introducing a chastity device to your partner is not the first step in getting her to lock you up. My previous post, “The Best Way To Get Her Started In Male Chastity” is the first step. It explains how to introduce orgasm control in your relationship. That is definitely how to start. Your partner learns how to take control of your orgasms and you learn sexual obedience.
Very few, if any, women like the idea that locking their partners’ cocks in hardware is the only way to assure they won’t wander or jerk off. Orgasm control without a chastity device is a relatively small step for her. It’s a nice gift that she can enjoy using.
If you’ve been successful introducing orgasm control and you have been made to wait a few times, you are on your way to wearing a chastity device. Bear in mind that the device is something you want. You should assume that she won’t see any particular value in locking you up. If she is willing to do it, she is indulging your fetish. She knows orgasm control requires no hardware. Read this paragraph again.
You must understand that the hardware is something you want to wear. Don’t even think about telling her she should lock you up to assure your fidelity and obedience to her orgasm control. This is critical. You have been showing her your obedience and have been allowing her to control when you get to come. No hardware needed.
If you still need convincing, consider what telling her you need to be locked up to avoid masturbation or cheating means. It means that you don’t care enough about her to honor your promises and commitments to her. Do you really want to say that? I hope not.
I’ll bet you have been fantasizing about her locking you up so you have to be a good boy. They are just fantasies that you can enjoy. If you want the reality of wearing a chastity device, keep those thoughts to yourself.
How do you introduce the hardware to her?
It’s actually a lot easier than you think. By introducing orgasm control first, she’s learned that you really like her controlling if and when you get to ejaculate. Maybe she has even learned about edging and she teases you that way between orgasms. Hopefully, you’ve given her enough time to make orgasm control part of her life.
She’s accepted her controlling role. Sex for her and, occasionally for you is completely under her control. Have you reached this point? If not, she isn’t ready to lock you up. Bookmark this post and come back to it when she’s ready.
Now that she is fully in control of your orgasms, you can introduce the chastity device. I favor a direct approach. Mine to Mrs. Lion was something like this:
Me: “I think it would be very hot for me to wear a chastity device.”
Her: “A what?”
Me: “It locks on my penis and prevents me from getting hard and having an orgasm. You have the key and can unlock me when you want to use my penis. Otherwise it’s safely locked away.” (I show her the inexpensive Chinese device I ordered from dhgate.com)
Her: (handling the device) “Doesn’t this hurt to wear? It looks mean.”
Me: “I don’t know. I’ve been doing some reading. If we like having me wear this full time, we can order one custom made to fit me exactly. I’ve read that those would be very comfortable for full time wear.”
Her: “You really want to do this? You want to wear this all the time, even to work?”
Me: “I’d like to try. Maybe we could agree on a trial period and at the end of the trial decide if I will continue to wear it. We can take a break if the device hurts me. That will give me a chance to order one that is a better fit. What do you think?”
Her: (Long pause) “Are you sure you want to do this?”
Me: “Yes. I’ve thought about it a lot.”
Her: (Long pause) “Ok. How long should our trail period be?”
Me: “Three months?”
Her: “Really? That long.”
Me: (Longer pause) (Softly) “Yes.”
Her: “Ok, we’ll try it. (Picks up the chastity device) How does this work?”
It was easy for me because Mrs. Lion is very open to trying things I want. She had long known I like kinky stuff and this latest kink wasn’t shocking for her. She was sure I wouldn’t last the three months, but decided to indulge me.
The most important factor in this dialogue is that I didn’t even imply that she needed the device to keep me from cheating. The device was presented as something that turns me on and would like to try. Yes is easy in this context.
Even after over three years of constant wear, Mrs. Lion didn’t consider it something she needed. She understands that it’s something I like. It’s part of the game. It’s a game she likes to play, but it is a game nonetheless.
That’s the key. Wearing a chastity device is part of a game. In this game I lose the ability to ejaculate at will. It’;s a game I love to play.
Happy Ending
Lion was horny yesterday. I wonder if he’s more horny because he’s locked up again. He does love his bondage. And he loves feeling my control. I never took that into account when deciding if he should be caged again. Actually I just thought of it.
I mean, yes, I knew he’d feel my power. It’s difficult for him not to with a metal fob on his balls and weenie. My balls and weenie. And I know he loves bondage. But does the cage make him hornier? That’s the part I hadn’t considered. I do not know.
What I do know is that the cage cooperated very nicely when I first locked him up. Sometimes I have trouble with that little screw. (Who wants a little screw when you could have a big screw? But I digress.) But the other night the threads lined up perfectly the first time. My weenie was not happy to be smushed into the cage again after all that time, but the screw gave me no problems. Last night it cooperated again. I’m taking that as a sign Lion was meant to be caged.
When I first suggested playing last night, Lion wanted to wait until his allergy medicine kicked in. He’s had much less trouble lately but he still gets itchy from time to time. He let me know when he was ready. I had to strike while the Lion was hot. And hot he was.
Lion so nicely alerted me to the fact that he’d been waiting five days in his first email communication to me of the day. He wasn’t begging for an orgasm. He really was just alerting me. Sure he was horny but he figured he’d be edged and put away. And I may have done that. But I didn’t.
I don’t have a reason for giving him an orgasm. Or not giving him one for that matter. I just go along edging him until I decide we’re done or I decide to give him an orgasm. It’s like a mental coin flip. Heads I win. Tails you lose. But I was also calculating how many days till Christmas and a potential holiday orgasm. I decided he’d have another five day wait and that was good enough for me.
[Lion – If you’re in a calculating mood, last night’s orgasm was my 58th this year. All of 2016 I got 58 orgasms as well. Maybe I’ll break last year’s record]
I Actually Missed It
Would you believe it? I actually missed wearing my chastity device. I didn’t discover that until I was locked up again.
Monday night, I lost my status as a wild lion. Mrs. Lion locked me up again in my Jail Bird chastity device. It was sort of a joint decision. I brought it up and Mrs. Lion agreed it might be a good idea to lock me up again. Within a few minutes of returning to my cage, I mentioned that being locked up may not be such a good idea. Predictably, with a small smile, Mrs. Lion said,
“I don’t really think you have a choice.”
I figured that since I got locked up at my request, I should be able to be unlocked at my request as well. Oh no. I guess that eight months of being wild made me think that wearing a chastity device was up to me. Truth be known, I like how it feels to be wearing it again.
There is, however, one thing I enjoyed while wild: I could get hard at any time. There were the normal morning wood erections. But there were some that I helped along. It isn’t something I do all the time, but it’s nice to exercise and get hard now and then. As far as I know, I’m not breaking a rule. Those days are gone.
The Jail Bird is very comfortable and doesn’t hurt at all when it prevents erections. It’s effective and painless.
Wearing a chastity device is admittedly my fetish. Unlike other fetishes, once Mrs. Lion locks me up, it stops being controllable by me. At that point, does it stop being my thing and does it become Mrs. Lion’s? I think that’s the case. It’s a physical manifestation of her sexual control. That’s a big reason why I like it.
I would argue that the chastity device is not a big part of orgasm control. I’m able to avoid giving myself an orgasm when wild. We both know that. The chastity device, for me at least, is a continuous reminder of our power exchange. Now that I’m caged again, I realize how much I like that feeling.
Once I was conditioned to not provide myself with sexual release, the hardware stopped being necessary to enforce my abstinence. That was proven in the last eight months while I was wild. There were no “slips” even when I was made to wait 28 days. We can rule out enforcing orgasm control as a benefit of wearing the device. At one time it also served to remind Mrs. Lion to pay sexual attention to me. She no longer needs that reminder.
I llike being wild. But I think there is a real, if intangible, benefit of wearing a chastity device. For one thing, even though the device is comfortable, I always know it’s there. It reminds me that my penis is not mine any more. I can’t even rub it a little and make it hard. It also is a little humiliating to know that my lioness makes me wear this obvious symbol of her control. I can’t remove it. Well, maybe I can, but I won’t.
Panties and diapers are other humiliation tools at Mrs. Lion’s disposal. She rarely uses them (Too bad.). The chastity device, however, is there twenty-four hours a day, every day. It only comes off for brief intervals when Mrs. Lion wants access to her penis. The cage effectively transfers ownership of a part of my body to Mrs. Lion. It’s a transfer I can’t revoke. I like that.
Early Christmas Present?
Lion said he was horny. He said maybe he needed to be locked up. This was a change. The day before he hadn’t been so horny. And it’s been weeks since he’s mentioned needing to be locked up.
Personally I didn’t think he seemed very horny last night. He did get hard relatively quickly but the intense desire to come was missing. I edged him orally and got him close. There just didn’t seem to be an urgency to it. Despite that, he again said he was very horny and might need to be locked up. OK. I’m game. Back into the cage he goes.
I assume work is quiet. Lion is home this week. Of course there’s nothing he can’t do at home that he can do at work. Most of his meetings are phone calls or video conferences. He could be in Iceland or Australia and still work as long as he has an internet connection. So locking him up right now shouldn’t cause any problems. He doesn’t need to worry about peeing all over clothes he’s not wearing any. He can freely adjust himself without worrying about people seeing. There’s only the dog and she doesn’t care.
After I locked him away he said something to the effect of “I don’t really think I need to be locked up.” To which I replied, “I don’t really think you have a choice.” Was he trying to see if I’d actually lock him up and then had second thoughts when I did? I guess he got his answer.
How long will he stay locked up? I don’t know. Per our original agreement, I am bound to unlock him and play with him every other day. But that’s not the real question. The real question is the permanency of the cage now that it’s back on. Is it just for the week he’s home? Is it for the rest of 2017? Will it remain on (except for traveling and doctor appointments) long into 2018? Did I just lock him up because he was “daring” me to? [Lion – I can be locked for travel too. I have a trip coming up that might be a chance to experience that.]
You already know my answer. We’ll see how it goes. I might decide the cage is necessary. I might not. At the very least I’ve sent a message to Lion.
