The Best Way To Get Her To Start Male Chastity
I spent some time reading items I found after a Google search on male chastity. The vast majority of what came up are posts that are clearly written by people still in the pink haze of sexual fantasy. The thing is, these fantasies represent a male sexual fantasy.
Remember, male chastity is generally a game for two. To get started, the guy has to find a keyholder. Usually that’s his partner. He is obsessed by chastity devices. He’s been reading all about them. He may have even bought one. So, his conversation with his partner centers around putting hardware around his penis and locking it.
There are few, if any women who are particularly interested in chastity hardware. This includes Mrs. Lion. She locked me up because she wanted to make me happy; not because she likes the idea of my cock behind bars. I’m the one who likes that idea.
The reason for a chastity device, other than satisfying a sexual bondage kink, is to enforce orgasm control. Orgasm control? Yes, that’s what male chastity is all about. Just as BDSM isn’t based on tying someone up and then untying them. It’s abut what you do after they are restrained.
When you ask your partner to lock you up, the real request is to control your ejaculation and lock you in a device. You are asking for two very different agreements from your partner. This complicates things on your initial approach. I suspect this is why so many requests to a vanilla partner fail.
I know what you’re thinking. “But I want to wear a chastity device and be sexually controlled by my partner.”
I realize that. But there is a learning curve for her. Give her time to get used to the idea of a power exchange before you introduce the hardware. That’s quite a lot all by itself.
My suggestion is to talk to her about your desire to give her more control over sex. Ask her to be in charge of if and when you can come. There is no question that a discussion will follow. this request. She will want to understand what you are asking. That’s fair. This conversation will make all the difference. Here’s how it might go:
You: “I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. It would be very sexy for me if you decide when I get to come.”
Her: “What do you mean?”
You: “I think it would be very exciting if you not let me come every time when we have sex. Let me please you, but you stop me before I can come. Also, I won’t masturbate.”
Her: “You masturbate? How often?”
(You probably didn’t think about this part.)
You: (Be totally honest!) “I jerk off a couple of times a week when I get horny.”
Her: “I didn’t realize that. So, you are saying that you won’t do that any more ?”
You: “Yes, and I want you to make me wait to have an orgasm.”
Her: “Why in the world would you want me to do this?”
You: “It’s very exciting for me to feel your control. I love the idea of you making me wait before I get to come. Believe it or not, it turns me on.”
Her: “How long do you want to wait?”
You: “That’s up to you. But maybe start with a week?”
Her: “Really? A week?”
You: “Yes.”
Her: “What do I have to do?”
You: “If you want sex, I can please you. Just don’t let me come until the time you’ve decided. You can also tease me too. At least, that’s how my fantasies go.”
Her: “I don’t want to be mean to you.”
You: “You aren’t being mean. You are doing something I really want.”
It probably won’t go exactly like this, but you get the idea. She’ll want to know exactly what you mean, why you want this, and then how you expect it to work. The discussion is confined to orgasm control and nothing else. It’s very tempting to ask for more. Don’t. Avoid getting too deeply into your fantasies. Keep hardware out of the conversation.
When you think about it, the key part of this power exchange is controlling your orgasms, not locking your cock in a chastity device. If she agrees to try it, keep it about frustrating you. Let her see how much you like this. Over time, you can introduce edging and other teasing. It won’t be long before you can also suggest a chastity device. Again, the reason you want it is because it turns you on to wear one.
Keep away from the so-called benefits of orgasm control. Don’t suggest you will want to do housework. Don’t say you will be more sexually attentive to her because you are frustrated. No woman wants to learn that your interest in her is based on her stopping you from coming.
I suggest that if she agrees, you stop there. Obviously, you have to be honest and not jerk off. Don’t obsess over this. Resist endless comments about how horny you are. If she wants intercourse, remind her of your agreement. Ask her if she wants you to stop before you ejaculate. Offer to give her oral sex for her orgasm.
There is a lot of additional conversation that will be needed to help her understand what you want. Resist the impulse to discuss this. Let her get used to the idea. Gentle reminders of your agreement are fine if needed when she wants sex. Otherwise, just answer he questions. Don’t drive her crazy with anxiety about the power exchange,.
I realize this is very different from advice you may have read in the past. But, think about it. You are asking for a big change in your sex life. The simpler you make it, the easier it will be for her to accept it and actually do it. She will ask questions when she is ready. Resist the temptation to show her websites, including this one.
One more point: Don’t ask her by email. I see a lot of sites that give you a form you can send her. Ask her in person, face to face.
Here’s the next step: Asking your partner to lock you up.
Sabotage
The thought occurs to me that Lion thinks too much. It’s possible he’s sabotaging himself. He may be so worried about my not getting any enjoyment out of the things we do that he can’t enjoy them either.
I’m not suggesting he should have enjoyed the figging and pegging yesterday. Mr. Weenie has reacted favorable in the past at times, but that doesn’t mean it always happens. And I really did a number on him this time. Actually, a few numbers. He expressed concern that I usually stop when he indicates he’s in pain. I don’t necessarily. In light of his concern, I decided to make an extra effort to convince him I don’t stop at the first sign of pain.
Once the big dildo was in and he was used to it (as much as he can be), I alternated between 50 short, quick strokes and 10 long, slow strokes. I saw him wincing so I know he was not having fun. Why did I decide 50 and 10? No idea. It just popped into my head so I did it. Did I have fun doing it? I wouldn’t call it fun but I figured it was a challenge for both of us as Lion suggested in his post. Can we top our high score of 50 short, quick strokes and 10 long, slow strokes next time? I guess we’ll find out.
I doubt his not being able to get hard can be blamed entirely on pegging or his overthinking. It’s quite possible he’s just in another slump. When we snuggle and he’s not aroused he tends to apologize to me. Maybe I should punish him when he apologizes. There’s really no need. I’d rather he tell me he’s not interested than having me try to no avail. I don’t want to make either one of us sore.
The bottom line is that I like doing things for him. It makes me happy to make him happy. I may not seem as receptive to playing sometimes but I think it’s normal for me to have slumps just like Lion has slumps. Of course his slumps make play impossible. Mine don’t have to.
[Lion – My slumps don’t make play impossible. My anus is always available to Mrs. Lion. I may not want a visit from the dildo, but that’s irrelevant.”]
Hurty Things
I’ve been thinking about our power exchange. There he goes! Lion is overthinking again.
Maybe, but what the hell. In many femdom relationships, the woman can use her own sexual reactions to find things she likes in her role. I’m pretty sure that, contrary to male fantasies, it doesn’t include watching him iron or mopping the kitchen floor. It can include watching him suffer for her.
Alas, right now at least, nothing gets Mrs. Lion wet except direct stimulation which she doesn’t want. How does she know what dominant activities to inflict on me?
Her response is that she does what she knows I like. Well, more correctly, what I say is play I want. She’s basing her activity on what ultimately turns me on. That is a truly altruistic form of femdom. She’s making my BDSM dreams come true.
I’m not complaining. But it does bother me that all this stuff is just for my benefit. It makes me feel like I’m just another chore like the laundry or making breakfast. They are done out of love and aren’t any fun for her.
One of Mrs. Lion’s favorite activities is playing games on her iPad. These games frequently have her sliding objects around on the touch screen. I asked her what she enjoyed about playing them. She replied that she likes the challenge and tries to go to the next level, and the level after that.
That gave me an idea. Why not think of the things she does to me as challenges? For example, pegging. She’s been increasing the diameter of dildos at my request. What if she stops caring what I request. What if she considers me a live game. How much longer can she peg me before I can’t take it? All she needs for this part of the game is a clock. And, of course, either remember or note the furthest she has pushed me.
The same is true of hurty things. We have lots of toys for this game. The most extreme form is how many and how long can I take those tiny clothespins on the head of my cock. I hate them and never want to have them there. That makes them a very good game. Possibly, each sling session is a new start to the game. Keeping track only needs to include how long they were on and how many were used.
Hot stuff on my balls is another possibility too. She usually lets me out of the sling to wash the stuff off if I complain too much. Not letting me out too easily will give her a way to measure my progress at accepting pain from her.
I’m not suggesting that everything that happens when I’m restrained should be miserable for me. That would be extremely unfair; at least I think so. But then, who asked me?
My entire point is that this post has nothing to do with what I like or don’t like. It isn’t about what turns me on. I’m not asking Mrs. Lion to do more or less of anything.
I’m trying to offer ideas on how to make those play sessions more interesting for her, just like the games she so loves to play. I’m hoping she can find a way to want to get me restrained so she can see if she can get to the next level in the hurty game. It’s a chance for her to do something that’s for her pleasure, not necessarily mine.
What I get out of this is much more than learning to handle more and more discomfort. I get true engagement from Mrs. Lion. I’m not the only reason she straps me into the sling. She’s booting up her Lion game.
Mrs. Lion read my post after I wrote it. She thinks I may have made a similar suggestion in the past. I probably have. When you write 1,800 posts, you can get a bit repetitive. In any case, she received these suggestions with no enthusiasm. She won’t be taking them. I’m glad. When we played yesterday afternoon, she had some ginger prepared and gave me a good figging. My ass burned! She followed that up with lots of lube and a long visit by that extra-large (2″ diameter0 Tantus dildo.
For the first time, I was unable to get hard after the figging and pegging. I had no problem before she started. When I went upstairs after all this activity, there was precum on the head of my penis. It was a surprise to me since I was not feeling turned on at all. It may be that intense pegging removes my interest in sex.
Uh oh, now no one is getting turned on.
The New Punishments
In this morning’s post, Lion was wondering how I could choose things that we use in play to be punishment for him. What else am I supposed to do? Lion’s been around the block a few times. I’m pretty sure there aren’t too many things I could do to him that haven’t been done already. The only two that come to mind are Velcro and the tiny clothespins.
When Lion asked how I’d punish him for multiple infractions while at the movies, I had to think fast. He needed to be deterred from thinking he could break the rule once and get away with making more comments with no repercussions. Harder spanking wouldn’t really work. I decided to add different things to spanking.
It’s true that I already make him sit on the punishment stool sometimes and I’ve soaped his mouth. At that point in time it was what Lion called dessert. A little after-punishment amuse bouche to cleanse the palate. There’s absolutely no reason I can’t use those things as actual punishment. And there’s no reason I couldn’t sit him in the corner instead of spanking him. I’m directing this show. I can write it and rewrite it however I see fit.
I may never use those things as separate punishment. I may choose something entirely different. (I’m thinking menthol and capsaicin rubs are begging to be used as punishment.) Or I could combine any number of things depending on the crime and severity. If I think he’s pushing my buttons I might just push his right back. He knows a hard spanking isn’t the worst I have to throw at him. He’s made sure of that. Silly boy. I mean, who voluntarily buys harsher and harsher rubs to be used on him?
