Lion has been wild for months. Recently we’ve been in a sort of slump when it comes to playing. Between Lion’s allergies and both our aches, we haven’t really been living up to our female led marriage.

I’ve made a few suggestions about the cage but the other day I asked Lion if he thought the cage would jump start things again. He said he didn’t know but he didn’t have a say in the matter. Maybe not ultimately but I want his opinion. Yesterday I asked again. I got the same response. But he did add that he likes being wild.

I don’t run a dictatorship. We discuss things. At least I thought we did. Apparently we don’t when it comes to the cage. I know he’s looking for me to make a decision but I’d like some input. Absent that I will make a decision.

I’m aware that I am in charge and you’re probably yelling at the screen right now. “Lock him up! Lock him up!” We’ve already established that he doesn’t need to be caged to be faithful. (That was never an issue.) And he’s beyond the point of masturbating. So why cage him again? That’s what I want to know!

In the beginning the cage forced us (me) to put sex/intimacy/play in the forefront. Lion was helpless. Locked away in his ivory tower with no one to play with him. I vowed to unlock him at least every other day to tease him. Then it became every day. For years. And then he had surgery. The cage came off because life would have been impossible with it on. And it hasn’t really been back on for any length of time.

So now I’m wondering if the original intent of the cage is still valid. Would it force me to play with him or would it just be a giant pain in the ass? Well, pain in his balls. But pain in my ass. And I’m not getting any real input from Lion which makes me wonder if he’s willfully being silent in hopes that I’ll slap the damn cage back on just to spite him. Reverse-reverse-reverse psychology.

On the way out to my truck this morning I was thinking about locking him up again. But now I’m thinking about leaving him wild. Clearly I’m still undecided.

Yesterday, I wrote about my feelings that this blog is starting to not meet my needs. It’s been feeling like a black hole that sucks my efforts with no return at all. In response, Schnoff, a fellow blogger wrote:

“In the end, I think a blog has to have value to the writer, maybe in clarifying thoughts, or as a journal to come back to. If it then also has value to some people reading it, that’s a great bonus.”

He has a point. Magazines, for example, don’t measure their success by counting letters to the editor. They look at circulation and advertising revenue. The number of readers is the driving force in the publishing world.

This is a reasonable standard for any publication. I consider the Journal a publication. As such, it is successful. Lots of people read our words. My expectation that I would have lots of sparkling conversations with readers didn’t quite pan out. I’m not sure what I expected, but it’s not what turned out happening.

On the other hand, I have had some great exchanges with bright, thoughtful readers like Schnoff. I love that. My running conversation with Mrs. Lion is responsible for what success we’ve had with our power exchange. This blog is our principal tool.

Schnoff is right that ultimately the reason to do all this is that it fills some need of mine. Is my dissatisfaction based on not getting enough ego stroking? I sure hope not. I think it is what Mrs. Lion said, I don’t feel that I have much to say since not much is happening.

Maybe.

In any case, enough whining.

Now that my health is back in order, Mrs. Lion plans to make up for lost time. I’m sure we will have a great deal to write about.

I’m still here on the blog. I hope you keep reading.

Lion is not sure he wants to go on writing the blog. I suggested maybe he could stop writing every day. Perhaps once a week would work out better for now. He doesn’t often have anything to write about and feels it may be because we’ve been slacking off lately. I suggested his wearing the cage again as a way to get us focused. I don’t think he really wants that but he’s willing to consider it.

As I’m writing this I’m thinking Lion is saying that I haven’t been consistent. However, it’s been his allergies that have stopped play most recently. I’m sure neither of us is really pointing a finger at the other but I can see how those feeling might be in the back of our minds.What we need to do to combat those feelings is get back to basics. I guess that’s why I suggested locking him up again.

Whether or not I banish Mr. Weenie to the Jail Bird, I do need to be more consistent. Even on nights that I don’t feel well I can shove a butt plug into Lion. I can make him move over to snuggle with me instead of me always moving over to snuggle with him. I do have options available to show him who’s boss. On the other hand, if he’s the one who is in pain or itchy, I don’t really want to subject him to anything. I don’t even want to suggest that he’s in trouble for not wanting to play. That’s not what our power exchange is all about. First and foremost we care about each other.

Yesterday we didn’t play but by nighttime I was feeling well enough to tease Lion. I edged him several times and then I surprised him by giving him a full hand job. At the time he had no idea how long his wait had been. He thought it was only three days. Nope. Five. His previous wait had been four days. Perhaps the next will be six. I haven’t decided yet. And I don’t think I’d tell him if I had decided. I like the element of surprise. I think he does too.

Mrs. Lion and I don’t make much fuss for the holidays. I suspect she would like to do more than we do. I’m all in favor of accommodating her desire. A change would be nice.

Speaking of change, I’m starting to question what I am doing here. Every day for four years (give or take), Mrs. Lion and I have faithfully shared our thoughts and experiences. In over 2,600 posts our readers have shared each and every sexual moments of our marriage. I’ve spent substantial amounts of money keeping this blog available. Why would we do it? More specifically, why would I use valuable time and money for this pursuit?

I know we have a lot of readers. I use tools to let me know how many people read and what they look at. It’s good that we are one of the most popular sexually-oriented blogs in the world. But it’s not that good a feeling; at least for me. Lots of anonymous people find us every day. They read our words and then fade back into the mist.  A tiny percentage of our readers let us know they like what they read (they click the “like” button). Another minute fraction leave comments.

Of course, we aren’t alone in this. The vast majority of people consider the Web the same way they think of TV: they read some and then change the channel. I’m not ungrateful for your attention. I like it. But do I like it enough to work as hard as I do to put something new in front of you every day?

I suppose every writer gets to this point.  I own my  own printing press (this blog), so anything I want to say is immediately published. That’s cool. Based on blog popularity polls (not readership), we don’t even make the list most of the time. Of course, like blogs, the polls are the product of a single mind. So it doesn’t represent a real measure of the writers who are rated.

I have my own favorites. On top of my list (not surprisingly) is “Strict Julie Spanks“. It’s well written, sexy, and has given real help to us. I’ve grown to love it’s writer. She leaves regular comments here that provide insight we can use to enrich our activities. I like others as well. Some stand out because the writing is verbal fireworks that provide fleeting-but-beautiful images in my mind. Others are gritty and poorly written, but spark me at some level. A few sadden me. I read them because I hope that their writers will wake up and realize the futility of their searches.

The glorious anonymity of blogging allows some people to expose realities they would never share if they had to sign their names. They get a chance to expose hidden places with no real risk.

All of us have some expectations that drive our hours spent writing. Some are using their blogs as a giant personal ad. They seek the ideal “sub”. Sadly, their search is confined to guys who are younger, fit, and instantly submissive. From what I’ve read, these bloggers rarely find what they seek. Some read blogs and decide that they want to share too. These blogs rarely have a point of view. They are descriptions of sexual events in their lives or imaginations. These can be great reads.

Ours started because I thought it would be cool to journal my entry into enforced chastity. My inspiration was the movie “Julie and Julia”. It was about a woman who decided to cook every recipe in a Julia Childs cookbook and write a post every day about her adventures in cooking. I figured it would be fun to do the same thing with our try at enforced chastity.

After a while, the blog became a daily part of our lives. I don’t think either of us gave much though to why we were putting in the work to write a post every day. We used each other’s posts as a form of long form email. Our posts became a thoughtful conversation we share with you. We could just as easily do this as email or a private blog.

The lack of feedback (comments) kept our conversation feeling almost as private as email. The knowledge that we have thousands of silent readers who we would never meet didn’t detract from the sense of privacy. The only comments I ever get about missing a post come from Mrs. Lion. A few times a week we get email (private feedback) from people who generally want chastity device fitting advice. Based on their writing, they never read a word we wrote. They just googled “male chastity” and then clicked “Contact Us”. I don’t answer them.

From the perspective of a web site professional, we are successful. We rank very high on the search engines. Lots of people visit and click on a variety of pages. From my personal perspective I don’t feel that positive. I was hoping that the blog would be more interactive. I wanted to feel a sense of community with other writers. That community doesn’t exist. I suppose I wanted praise too. I know that I am a good writer. I’m not so sure that I have all that much to say.

I can fade into the sunset. If I leave the blog accessible, I doubt our reader count will go down much if I never write another word. Sure, some people will lose a daily read. But if they go back to 2014 and start over, it will be a long time before they’ll notice I’m gone. I have no illusions about this. Yesterday’s post ends up lining the bottom of the figurative bird cage. The static pages on enforced chastity and discipline remain popular.

In the Facebook, Instagram, Twitter world the blog is a dusty relic. Maybe the weight of all that dust is going to sink me. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring. But it’s possible you won’t find out from me.