Sunday night, the night after my orgasm, I was restless and decidedly horny. This suprised Mrs. Lion who expected me to be a mellow, docile lion with no sex at all on my mind. I’ve noticed in the past that the day after I come, I am almost as horny as I was the day before. I can’t explain it, but I suspect that I am not alone. Last night, Mrs. Lion teased me I begged her to do it and accidentally gave me a ruined orgasm. Now, on Monday, I feel the way she thought I should on Sunday; mellow and docile.
If I’ve learned anything from our blog, Mrs. Lion and I have miscommunications more often than I imagined. I guess it shouldn’t be surprising, especially with a topic related to sex. Our chastity activities seem to magnify issues that probably existed earlier. A good example is the orgasm coupon Mrs. Lion gave me last week. As you can read in our posts over the last couple of days, we had very different ideas about how to understand the coupon and my reaction to receiving it. As you may recall, I had expressed some discomfort with the coupon since it made me feel that I was back in control. When I used it almost immediately, Mrs. Lion reacted by thinking that I gave in to my need for an orgasm, and did so very quickly.
I’ve learned something important. In transactions like this, or anything where there is a chance that there will be a misunderstanding, we need to make sure we are both on the same page. I should have asked Mrs. Lion to explain what her thinking was, beyond giving me a reward, when she issued the orgasm coupon. She should have discussed why I cashed it in.
Maybe I am over-thinking this. It isn’t, after all, a major issue in our lives or marriage. But I think it may reveal something we need to work on. Even though we have been at this for over nine months, I still have a lot to learn. One of the key things is getting a better understanding of what I expect and what Mrs. Lion expects from me.
She’s made it very clear that her objective is to make me happy. I am grateful for that. The challenge is how making me happy relates to doing things that I absolutely don’t want and are guaranteed to make me unhappy, at least in the short term. Based on my reading, we are not alone in this.
For example, I am very happy Mrs. Lion has taken charge. I absolutely hate that I have to wait twenty-one days to come. I was desperate this weekend. Mrs. Lion reacted to that and rewarded me with the now-infamous orgasm. She did it, she said, to give me a way to get relief if things got too bad. That is a truly loving thing to do for me. I’m sure in her mind she saw it that way. I can’t argue with those motives.
Since she is doing this for me and not for her own pleasure, it makes perfect sense to design the experience in a way that will “please” me the most. If, on the other hand, she also saw this as a chance to exercise control and play with me and train me, she might approach things a bit differently. It comes down to a value proposition: If the goal is to please me, then she would want to push me, but only as far as I wanted to be pushed. If, on the other hand, she was finding the game fun in its own right, she would want to make me go well past what I want and have me learn to find pleasure in different ways, like giving her sexual pleasure.
But that’s not how things are working right now. For one thing, Mrs. Lion wants a lot less sexual pleasure than I want to provide. So that area of “improvement” isn’t open. Either I don’t have that many behavioral issues that Mrs. Lion would like to see me change or she doesn’t want to address them. Another area for change is off the table. It’s true I do have some rules and I do break them occasionally. But I truly do my best to be good and not displease her.
On my side, I worry that if I grumble too much or express how frustrated I am, that Mrs. Lion will simply give in and give me the pleasure I am missing. So far she as done that. Is it wrong? No, it certainly isn’t. In the context of our enforced chastity being for my pleasure, it is probably very sensible. Unfortunately, it isn’t what I want.
I realize that today, after a full orgasm on Saturday and a ruined one last night, it’s pretty easy for me to say that I want Mrs. Lion to be stricter. On Saturday afternoon, after 11 days of waiting, that would be the last thing I wanted. I’m starting to realize that as much as I like the idea, I am the last person to decide what is best for me. I’m not even sure what I really want other than wanting to surrender sexual and behavioral control .
I feel great today. My hormones are back in balance. I’m not thinking about sex constantly. I’m bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. But I have a nagging feeling that I have done something wrong. That feeling, I think, may be from my sense that I took back control when I was so desperate and got the immediate satisfaction I wanted. I took advantage of Mrs. Lion’s generous nature, so now I feel guilty. Maybe there is no way to really make me happy.
Sometimes I can laugh at Lion. Other times I take him too seriously. Saturday night he used his coupon for a bonus orgasm and then wrote about the trap I set for him. Well, that bothered me. It wasn’t a trap. I thought he could use it as sort of a crutch to help him through his horniest moments. Maybe he’d think of it as a safety net. I wanted him to use it. I just didn’t think he’d use it so soon. That was the purpose of my post yesterday. Not to rub his nose in the fact that he used it. I knew he didn’t like the idea of a bonus orgasm. I set the expiration date for the end of the year because I thought he’d change his mind and want to use it. Would I do that if I didn’t want him to use it?
Last night he said he didn’t really think I was trying to trap him. But he still doesn’t like the idea of a bonus orgasm as a reward. He thinks he’s topping if he uses one. I don’t get it. He also thinks he should be made to use the coupons he already has within a certain amount of time. Who issued the coupons? Is there an expiration date on them? So he’s topping if he uses a coupon I gave him to use, but not topping if he decides the rules for the coupons after they are issued? I don’t get it.
It’s very difficult for me to make decisions. I went back and forth in my mind between a bonus orgasm and a day off his wait time. Ultimately I gave him the bonus orgasm because of the reasons listed above. He already has a coupon for a day off his wait time. He has a coupon for an orgasm too, but it has the added rule of resetting his wait time. I knew he wouldn’t use that when faced with a twenty-one day wait. But a truly “free” orgasm with no strings attached, to me, is an amazing reward. For him to ask for a trade and then allow me only a few hours to consider it, given my usual inability to make a decision, seems like more topping. And no that doesn’t mean I didn’t want him to use the coupon or even ask for the trade. It means what may seem like an easy decision for Lion, will take me more time to consider.
When he said he thought ten days was the optimum wait time for him, I didn’t mean from now on his wait times will be ten days. I will use ten days as a guide and then add or subtract depending on my mood. I may double it. I may triple it. I may set it at one day. Now I know that at day ten he will be going out of his mind and I can play with that.
Despite using his bonus orgasm coupon, Lion was just as horny as ever last night. I don’t get that either. I would think giving him an orgasm would have bought me some time, so to speak. He should have been docile last night. Resting on the laurels of the incredible blow job I gave him. Sucked dry. Finito. Nope. Not him. I guess I really shouldn’t expect anything less.
If you read our posts, you already know we come at the same issue from different points of view. I think we need to start working on closing that gap. Or at least understanding what the other might be thinking.
(Sunday, September 21, 2014) As you may have read, last night I “cashed in” my orgasm coupon. As Mrs. Lion wrote in her post,
…he caved in after less than twenty-four hours. Lion always says he doesnt have an addictive personality. He may not be addicted to sex, but he has less willpower than he thinks.
No, not really. Yes I wanted very much to come. That coupon, so to speak, was eating a hole in my pocket. It bothered me, as Mrs. Lion noted, because it transferred control to me. The more I thought about it, the more I felt that the coupon meant that she wanted me to have that orgasm. It was the eleventh day since my last chance, so I wanted very much to come. The coupon itself raised my horniness level. I was uncomfortable holding on to it, more uncomfortable thinking about using it. I didn’t want to “look a gift horse in the mouth.” And, yes, I wanted to come.
That coupon brought up some deeper issues. Am I interested in seeing how long I can wait? Can I make 21 days without turning into a basket case? Is it worse immediately after an orgasm then after 11 days? The answer to the first question is no, I am not interested in seeing how long I can wait. The second question, how will I handle a more extensive wait, is more interesting. As many guys have written, the suffering does go down after about ten days. Since I haven’t had too much experience waiting much longer than that, I don’t know. But I can honestly say that I could have made the full 21 days.
So why did I cash in the coupon? I’ve been thinking about that since I told Mrs. Lion I wanted to use it. Since Mrs. Lion didn’t appear very interested in letting me trade it in for less days on my wait, I figured I might as well use it. I know, she said that she hadn’t had time to consider it. I figured that it was not a big decision and that if she wanted to make the trade, she would have let me know immediately that it was a possibility. She said she would consider it. I didn’t read her response correctly. I also really wanted to come. Does that make me an addict? Nope, just a male.
I actually felt fine about the 21 days on one level. I really did. Honest! But I did give in. Just a day or so before, Mrs. Lion’s wonderful hands reminded me just how good sex feels. The clothespins on my balls were exciting, but she knows just where to rub to drive me crazy, and she did. From the time she gave me the coupon, I couldn’t stop thinking about how her hand felt on my penis, how badly I wanted to go over the edge and disappear into that orgasm.
So, yesterday I ran through every rationalization in the book: It’s been a long time. I need this. Wow, did her hands feel great. Why not? She wants me to have it., etc. I gave in.
Now, the morning after, I wonder if I did the right thing. Mrs. Lion’s post has a disappointed tone. She seems to have wanted me to just put that coupon away with the others I got on my anniversary. At least, she said, she expected me to hold on to it for a while. She should have told me. I feel guilty that I used it. It feels like I broke our trust. It feels less like a gift than a trap that I fell right into.
I’ve learned from this. I won’t do it again. If Mrs. Lion wants me to have an orgasm, she can take it or schedule it. I won’t initiate, even with a coupon she has given me.
We also discussed wait times. I told her that 10 days seems to maximize my need to get release. She apparently took that to mean that I only wanted her to schedule 10 or 11 days of waiting. I didn’t mean that at all. For one thing, I don’t want her to schedule based on what I want. I know she is doing it for me, but that doesn’t mean I get to make that decision. I don’t even want her to consider it a suggestion. I was only letting her know how it felt to me, not as guidance for the future.
Her new rule uses extra time (two days) if I break it. That is something I had hoped she would do. It’s a punishment that feels like one to me. Two days may not be enough to make a strong impression, but it is a step in the right direction; and, of course, it is totally up to her.
I want to clarify what I meant in our discussion about wait times. Based on how I feel when I wait, things get really serious for me at about 10 days. The first two or three days after an orgasm are the most frustrating, but I feel a deep need growing that seems to peak at 10 days. I’m not sure what happens after that, but I guess I will find out. I also mentioned that if we use adding and subtracting time for punishments and rewards, they are most effective after the tenth day. Adding a week to a ten day wait is serious to me. Even adding two or three days will make an impression, though I think the point at which I am most influenced is a week. More will be meaningless and less, feels easy to handle. That’s subject to review after I actually have to endure it. On the other hand, reducing wait time by two or three days will make an impression on me if I have been waiting at least a week.
In my mind, adding time is a way stronger punishment, than subtracting time is a reward. However, I may be totally wrong. I will have to wait until I have some experience to comment.
When I first gave Lion his Good Lion coupon he was excited about having a bonus orgasm whenever he wanted. Then he decided it felt like cheating. After I read his post for this morning (the first draft), he asked if I understood why he was having trouble using the coupon. I told him I don’t really understand why he wants what he wants so we can just add that to the list. He asked if I would be willing to trade the bonus orgasm for a day or two off his wait time. I said I would consider it. About an hour later he presented his coupon for the bonus orgasm. I hadn’t even had a chance to think about the trade.
I wondered what effect the coupon would have on him. I thought he’d hold it for a few days at least. He’s said that giving him a bonus orgasm feels like cheating and I know he doesn’t want to choose when he gets to come because it’s like he’s in charge. But he had a coupon. And I wouldn’t have given it to him unless I wanted to him to have an opportunity to choose at least this one time. If anything I thought the coupon would make it easier to get through the twenty-one days. Maybe it would be difficult one day but he knew he had the coupon so he could present it and be fine. Then that urgency would pass and he’d see he could make it one more day. And then maybe the next day wasn’t so difficult. But the day after was difficult again, but there’s this coupon that he can use and did he really want to use it that day or could he make it another day? And so on. Instead, he caved in after less than twenty-four hours. Lion always says he doesn’t have an addictive personality. He may not be addicted to sex, but he has less willpower than he thinks.
Technically I could have canceled the coupon last night when he asked if it was time for his orgasm. He may be able to tell me what day he has one, but he shouldn’t get to tell me the exact time. I knew he was excited so I didn’t even suggest a delay or cancellation. I may be getting better at this being in charge business, but I’m still a pushover. I did make him “suffer” through Velcro on his cock and his balls being tied up before I asked him if he had a preference for the method I used for his orgasm. Not that I was going to do what he wanted, necessarily, I just thought I’d ask. He said he’d leave it up to me. So he got one of my famous (at least in our household) blow jobs. Now he’s a happy Lion. Well, he was satisfied. He’s probably horny again by now.
Lion says he thinks twenty-one days is too long for him to wait. He knows other men wait far longer, but he’s not looking for the marathon wait times. Of course he’ll wait if I want him to, but he thinks ten days is good. Fair enough. I don’t care when he comes. We’ll have to discuss if he wants a specific date chosen again. If so, then he may go longer than ten days if he gets the punishment he’s looking for. Speaking of punishment, I made a new rule for him last night. He has to ask my permission before he can take a shower. Not that I’ll ever tell him he can’t, but I may want to take one first. He asked me last night what the punishment will be and I didn’t have an answer for him. Now I think it will be two days added to his wait time (assuming he still has a wait time).
The scheduled orgasm date is still September 30. We’ll decide if a specific date is still needed and go from there. For now, the pressure is off Lion and he should be happy for a few days before his need becomes urgent again.