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In: Keyholder, Mrs Lion Comments, Punishment

Last night I think I surprised Lion by noticing that he ate before I did and he dropped some food. Normally he admits it before I realize he did it. He earned himself four swats. Since I “award” different amounts of swats each time, he’s never sure how many swats are coming or how hard they will be. I guess those four swats were especially hard because he squirmed a lot. Squirming sometimes earns him more swats, but I was just proud of myself for catching him last night so I didn’t add any.

As promised, I gave him his anniversary orgasm last night. Since it was a special occasion I don’t know if it negates his regularly scheduled orgasm for tonight. We’ll have to play that by ear. I did leave him wild for the night. He was happy to be wild.

This morning, while he was in the bathroom, I put the cock ring and the shock collar on the bed. We haven’t used the shock collar in over a month. I packed it away for one of our trips and never brought it out. He’s been talking about it lately so I decided he should wear it. Now he is safely locked in his cage and ready for a shock.

Actually he’s not ready for a shock. He never seems ready for it. So far, every time I have shocked him, even if he sees me push the button, he jumps. Sometimes he even lets out a little , “Hey!” This is why I laugh at him. Maybe if I use it enough on him I will get over the amusement value of it and be able to use it for correction.

Correction is difficult for me. I know he wants me to do it, but it’s not really in my nature to want to change his behavior. Even for things that really annoy me, like when he interrupts me. I’m not ready to set a goal for it yet, as I did for anal training. It’s just something I need to work on.

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In: Advice to caged males, Femdom, Lion's Journal, Male Control (training), Punishment, Sex
squeeze technique
The squeeze technique, originally described by Masters and Johnson is an effective way to stop an orgasm. Used in conjunction with tease and deny, it can help the male have more conscious control over when he orgasms.

Most of us (males) at one time or another have wished we could “hold off” to let our partner have her orgasm.  We’ve tried to think about math problems, sports scores, the weather, anything but sex. Usually we have been unsuccessful in our efforts. Until very recently I never thought I could really control when I come, much less prevent myself from coming altogether. However, as a caged male, it might be useful to know how to do this.

As wait times between orgasm grow, our keyholders may well grow impatient at the loss of the use of their toys: our cocks. Also, since tease and deny is an important part of the forced male chastity regimen, it would be more convenient if we lose our hair triggers so that accidents would be less likely to happen. All this makes sense to me, but I’m still not a fan. However, like other caged males, I don’t get a vote.

So what is this all about? Apparently, it is possible to exercise zen-like control over the orgasm reflex. Other caged males have done it. Tantric yoga also features male orgasm control exercises. It must be possible. The question is how to do it? In a prior post I mentioned using punishment for “accidents” to provide this training. Mrs. Lion said she will not beat that into me. I expect that aside from being distasteful to her, it isn’t very helpful for me either. We need a different strategy.

First, let’s consider the situations where I will need to exercise this control. There are two: when Mrs. Lion wants to ride me but does not want me to orgasm, and when she is teasing me to the edge and wants me to assure that I won’t have an accidental ruined orgasm. My initial thinking was to consider a lion “accident” the same way you consider a puppy’s accident on the rug. By punishing the puppy, she learns to hold her bladder and go outside. Well, that doesn’t really work well for the puppy. For me, all it would do would be to make me even more unhappy I failed.

We know that some tantric practitioners can voluntarily prevent orgasm no matter what the stimulus. That means theoretically I can do it too. But how? When I feel an orgasm coming on it is overpowering. I breathe hard and make some sounds that Mrs. Lion likes. She can read the signs and stops just short of the point of no return when she teases me. I don’t feel that I have any control to delay it at that point. But what about when I feel it building up. I have at least five seconds between that indescribable tingle and the point of no return. Is there something that I can do to distract me and prevent the accident?

I am very sure being trained to only orgasm when given permission isn’t important to Mrs. Lion. It probably sounds like one more “chore” in her lion training. In fact, for many males this may not even be something your keyholder cares about. In some cases, a keyholder will want frequent intercourse and needs to feel her male’s penis inside her. This is complicated if he has an orgasm date that is still in the future. In cases like this it would be helpful if he could hold off until his times. In vanilla relationship it is always nice if the male can wait until his partner orgasms. However, would that vanilla partner be willing to help her male hold off long enough to satisfy her?

Let’s assume that it makes sense to learn to hold off. Masters and Johnson developed a technique that can effectively help a male stop an orgasm. It was developed to help train males not to ejaculate prematurely. In our context, it is an easy, effective way to help the male gain some control. During a tease and deny session, it’s an interesting variation that will serve to frustrate and educate at that same time. This is something I would like to experience if only to find out how it feels. The image above explains this simple concept.

Another easy technique is to use a method to desensitize the penis so that much more stimulation is needed to get off. This is easily done with desensitizing creams (usually Lidocaine 4 or 5 percent). A small amount applied on the underside of the penis, just below the head can work wonders. Apply and wait 15 minutes before sex. Voila! It may take some experimentation to get the right amount. Too much and he won’t be able to get or stay hard; too little and, well you know.

Another fairly simple technique is to simply wear out the male’s orgasm reaction. I mentioned this earlier in the post. It’s fun and very effective. It will take some experimentation to work it out, but once you do, your male won’t be able to orgasm at all and you can have all the fun you want.

From my perspective, the most important benefit of learning orgasm control is that it is yet another way the keyholder has taken control of her male; caged or uncaged. I have had a sort of academic interest in this. If Mrs. Lion wants to try, of course I will do my best to learn. If she doesn’t, it’s fine with me. There may be an occasional accident for which I do expect some discipline. But she needn’t expend any energy training me this way for my benefit. This is one thing she should try only if it pleases her.

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In: Bondage, Femdom, Keyholder, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Punishment, Sex
hands tied
I love my hands restrained when things are done to me. It’s very hot, like my cage. It removes any choice of what happens to me.

(Thursday, June 19, 2014) This is the sixth day since my last orgasm. It’s not a record for me, but it has been a while since I had to wait this long. Last night Mrs. Lion kept her promise and spanked me. She used her hands (very good hands) and a nasty wood paddle that has a sandpaper and a smooth side. When she wanted to administer hard paddle shots, she put her weight on my back to prevent excessive movement. It was pretty effective. If she ever decides to administer a series of hard paddle swats, I think she might want to have me lean over the edge of the bed and sit on my back. I tend to buck and try to escape. It may take a while before I learn to hold still, if I ever can.

Following the spanking, she began playing with my cock and swatting my balls with her hand. I had no idea whether I would get to orgasm. Her hand made me feel amazing. Oh, I wanted to come so much! She stopped just before I could come. She did this over and over and then announced that I would get my wish; she wouldn’t be making me come that night. I didn’t grumble. I did emit an “Awww!” But that was it.

Before the games began, she groomed me and so I am now pubic and ass hair free. After all was done I was left wild. I have a doctor’s appointment today to check my leg. wild. She was concerned that I would cheat and masturbate. I asked why. She told me that I had mentioned that I should have my hands restrained when she unlocked me after no orgasm for a while and she thought it was to prevent cheating.

On the surface it makes sense that being restrained would prevent any impulsive behavior on my part, but it isn’t the real reason I made that request. I don’t think there is a real danger I will overpower Mrs. Lion and jerk off madly. But just as I want the key hidden, I want to know that I have no choice. I can’t do anything about being denied orgasms. After all, forced male chastity is a form of bondage. Bondage translates on its most basic level to removing choice from the bound person. My cage denies me any choice in whether I can get erect or orgasm. It has maximum psychological effect on me if I really don’t have a choice. I don’t have access to a key except in an emergency and when unlocked my hands are safely restrained. I can’t take matters into my own hands.

Even though it is very unlikely I would actually cheat or overpower Mrs. Lion, I find it very exciting that I can’t. I think this is hard for her to understand. After all, if I won’t cheat and can be safely left wild, why would I need my hands restrained when she removes the cage? It isn’t completely rational. But then, is having my cock in a cage?

I can be left wild for any reasonable amount of time without risk I will come without permission. But it defeats the point of my lockup. In a case like today where I need to be examined, obviously I can’t be in my cage for the visit. Well, I could, but I would have a lot of embarrassing explaining to do. I am grateful that Mrs. Lion spares me that. If we wanted to be really high security (which would be fun), she could have kept me locked and accompanied me to the doctor, unlocking me in the car just before we go in. We did this once because we forgot to unlock me the night before. I really  liked that adventure. However, as hot as it is, to do this Mrs. Lion has to lose pay by leaving work early to drive to the doctor’s office to meet me.

That brings me to one other important point. Everything about my forced chastity adds effort and takes time from Mrs. Lion. As a former top, I fully understand that there is a personal price for the top that is paid for providing dominant services to the bottom. Each added level of chastity security requires more thought, time, and effort from Mrs. Lion. So, it makes sense to suspend the high security imprisonment at times that would further inconvenience her. I’m an adult, after all, and I have a reasonable amount of impulse control. Any male who doesn’t, shouldn’t be caged; he should be in therapy.

I try to consider any requests in that light. My wish to be restrained when unlocked is just one more chore for Mrs. Lion. I think I can make it painless and take only seconds. We have a set of velcro restraints. They are custom made using industrial webbing and very heavy duty velcro. I can’t release myself from them We have an eyebolt in the back of our headboard on my side of the bed (one on hers too). We can leave the restraints tethered there and when it is time for an unlock, it should only take a few seconds to secure me.

That sounds simple and reasonable, but it could just be too much. Every bottom likes to believe it is easy to meet his requests for bondage or more control. It often isn’t. It’s my kink that I like to be restrained. It isn’t my kink to defy my top if I’m not. Bondage turns me on. I used to love to be the Indian when we played cowboys and Indians as kids. I always ended up tied to a tree. I loved it. No wonder I want my cock locked up full time and my hands restrained too.

I don’t expect Mrs. Lion to understand why this turns me on. I’m not sure I understand it myself. It just works for me. My first partner all those years ago liked me in bondage. She also really liked that I could never escape on my own. Every single restraint was locked securely with a large padlock. We both knew I wasn’t going anywhere without her releasing me. The locks were her idea and weren’t really necessary. After all, bondage needs to be supervised at all times. A bottom can get into serious trouble just tied on his back spread-eagle. All sorts of health emergencies can occur. My first top knew this and always supervised me. So the locks for her were like having my hands restrained when I am uncaged. Absolutely unnecessary, but very hot.

Mrs. Lion shouldn’t take this as a must-do. As I mentioned before, there is a price the top has to pay for each new chore associated with her domination. I think every bottom, including me, tries to rationalize each request by minimizing it’s impact on the top. I don’t want to do that. Mrs. Lion doesn’t have to restrain my hands when she unlocks me in order to make me happy. I am happy now.

 

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In: Femdom, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Punishment
feeldoe more
This is the Feeldoe More. It is a double dildo designed to give maximum pleasure to the woman. The smaller end goes inside her. The longer, larger end goes up my butt. Click the image for purchase information.

Chastity aside, power exchange can do funny things to your mind. When I first started playing, I ended up as a bottom. At the time, it wasn’t so much my choice. My partner and I tried both roles. She was miserable the morning after bottoming. I liked it. So, I became the bottom. However, the role did some funny things to me. After a few days of our new, more intense relationship I found myself easily upset. I came close to tantrums over small things. I was constantly unhappy that I wasn’t getting enough attention, spankings, etc. I was sinking into depression. The play itself was great fun. My partner was a wonderful top. Her IQ was over 180 and she applied her intelligence to her role. We both read everything we could find and tried a wide variety of activities. Sounds perfect, right?

From the top/bottom perspective it was. But it was seriously affecting my mental health. After a few months we parted (we had been living together). While I really missed the play, I was no longer depressed. My next top/bottom relationship was with two women. One topped me and the other bottomed to me. This is the ultimate switch sccenario. I loved it. Who wouldn’t? It was my first chance to top consistently. My bottoming was limited to sessions we would arrange. The rest of the time the three of us were equals.

After that, I realized that my mental health was much better when I topped. Since I didn’t want to give up BDSM, I elected to be a top. I became active in the New York leather community and evolved into a teacher and leader, and for a decade owned a 24/7 submissive/slave. All in all, I topped for over twenty years. During that time I had a few opportunities to bottom at various events. A famous BDSM author and I  switched at alternate events. It was great fun.

The 24/7 dominant role was wearing on me. It became a huge emotional drain. I became less and less interested in providing the master role. We parted after 10 years. I missed her terribly, but was also relieved. I met Mrs. Lion about this time. I was convinced I wanted to bottom again. The need was very strong. I worried about the emotional consequences but decided that in one way or another I needed the play. So, I introduced poor, vanilla Mrs. Lion to the world of spanking, dildos, bondage, and cock and ball torture.

She was great. Over a very short time she learned to play at a very advanced level. I loved every second of it. Our relationship, however, evolved with me providing much of the leadership. I paid the bills and made (with consultation) most of the major decisions. This seemed to suit us both quite well. I’ve written about my difficulty with initiating sex. This created distance that eventually ended our play and most of our sexual contact.

I realized that I really needed the play we once had. I need to feel the physical/sexual control that we enjoyed early on. Mrs. Lion admitted that she really missed the sex we had and her libido had effectively shut down (she’s written about that here). We still loved each other most of all. We do everything together and our care for each other has just grown. The sexual issues did no damage to our relationship. That in itself is pretty amazing, but it’s true. That’s what made it safe for me to introduce the idea of forced male chastity.

Even while functioning as a full-time master, I felt a strong attraction to chastity devices. I started a web site to review these devices. Manufacturers provided me with samples of products. My slave rolled her eyes at my two or three day “test” periods, but she accepted them with good nature. Had I found one that I could truly wear full time without making major life changes, I might have needed to find a new relationship.

So, in January 2014 I discovered that amazon.com sold inexpensive Chinese chastity devices. This renewed my interest and I ordered a few. Most were surprisingly wearable. So, in early February I asked Mrs. Lion how she felt about being my keyholder. She agreed and you can read the resulting adventures here.

Early on I realized that I wanted some degree of control and discipline. I also worried that the old depression could accompany this change. I decided that with three decades of topping and occasionally bottoming under my belt, I should be better equipped to deal with any emotional issues that come up. I didn’t discuss this concern with Mrs. Lion. In fact, I didn’t even think about it consciously until this week.

What started me on this trip down emotional memory lane was what Mrs. Lion calls my “grumbly” attitude. After about four days of denial, I get grumbly and whine a bit about my condition. Today is my fifth day and last night I was grumbly. I felt neglected. It’s true that since my last orgasm (Friday, June 13) she hasn’t really teased me or paid any sexual attention to me. My whining was slightly justified. She told me that she was just feeling a bit overwhelmed with household and work duties. I also think she hasn’t been sleeping too well and that affected her too. I wondered if I was falling back into my former bottoming depression.

I don’t think I am. Mrs. Lion informed me that she planned to end my grumbles tonight. I asked her not to. She has other attention planned for me. She said she will “manscape” me; remove any pubic hair that has grown in and spank me. She isn’t promising to keep hands off my penis. I’m glad. I would love some teasing, well lots of teasing. I just want to wait to see what I feel.

The biggest difference between then and now is that I don’t feel the irrational urgency that swept over me regardless of how much we played. Now, I am happy that we do play and any grumbliness that creeps into my personality is limited to attention to my penis. From a practical perspective, I do hope we can do our anal play more regularly. I would like to be pegged, but that requires me to relearn how to accept what Mrs. Lion chooses to penetrate me. I would also love to try a double dildo we have (see photo). It is anatomically designed to stimulate the woman while she has the other end deep inside me. I would love to make Mrs. Lion come by pegging me. Am I still greedy for more play? Oh yes! Does that greed take over my life and depress me? Nope, not so far; and I hope never. Stay tuned.