By:
In: Advice for a new keyholder, Advice to caged males, Femdom, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Sex
Work in progress sign
Dreams and fantasies happen all at once.
Real progress takes time and very hard work.

I have been locked up for a while now. Each week I find that wearing the cage becomes more and more a natural part of my life. I am generally unaware that it is there between my legs. Other things are happening as well. I’ve stopped asking for sexual attention. Yes, I still get incredibly horny and I silently ask Mrs. Lion to relieve that itch, but I don’t ask out loud. I work hard to avoid asking for anything sexual for me or for her. It’s no longer something I should do. I find myself looking for ways I can help her. Most importantly, I am making a conscious effort not to argue or offer my opinion unless asked.

That might sound like my personality is dissolving into a bland, passive mush. I don’t think so. My nature is not passive in the least. I’m not fooling myself. I still contribute actively to pretty much everything except decisions regarding sex. That’s definitely off limits for me. Over time I am hoping that I will continue to become more and more attentive. I want to focus more attention on pleasing my lioness. It makes me smile to type those words. One of the premises of forced male chastity is always that the male becomes attentive and more and more interested in the keyholder’s pleasure. I admit it. I just never saw that as a natural process. I figured that it could happen, but probably needed the keyholder to provide the incentives needed to modify the caged male’s behavior.

Apparently those incentives aren’t necessary. It just seems to happen on its own. I’m sure that I have a very long way to go. On the other hand, I had a mental image of how my lioness would take charge and provide the control and discipline that I wanted. Now I realize that sort of expectation is as unrealistic as expecting me to become a fawning sycophant. While locking up my penis is a single act, the changes a male chastity lifestyle requires takes substantial time and cultivation.

Mrs. Lion is making wonderful progress. She is thinking (and writing) about sexual activities to heighten our enjoyment of this lifestyle. Even more significantly, she is growing more independent in her actions when we are together. Today is a case in point. We were out running errands. I asked if she wanted to get lunch; I was feeling hungry. She asked where I would like to go. So far, this is our normal conversation when it comes to deciding if we want to get a meal and if we do, where to go. I said that I didn’t care. Normally, she would throw out some ideas for me to consider. Not today. Instead, she drove purposefully to a local fast food restaurant without saying another word. That may sound like small stuff, but it isn’t. She took control and acted. She didn’t consult me; she just went where she decided to go. I, for my small part, kept my mouth shut and went along for the ride.

She made significant progress with that move. I’m sure it wasn’t easy for her to do that. What’s interesting is that this step had nothing to do with sex and everything to do with forced chastity. The little cage that follows me everywhere stimulated a change in a completely unrelated part of our lives. That change felt completely right to me.

If you had asked me how I would gauge our progress, I would have talked about tease-and-deny, ruined orgasms, spankings, milkings, extra time in the cage, and the other chastity-related sexual activities. By the way, there is progress sexually too. But today’s subtle change is a much more profound signal to me. It shows us changing some of our basic behaviors as a couple. When she reads this, Mrs. Lion may shake her head and say that there was no change, she asked me and since I didn’t say where I wanted to go, she simply went where she liked. That is an accurate description of what happened. But, Mrs. Lion, that has never happened before in the more-than-a-decade we have been together. Progress!

By:
In: Keyholder101, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Sex
naked man's penis tickled by a feather
Tease and deny is a powerful and truly fun part of forced chastity play.

As I have often said, most of the so-called advice to keyholders are actually male fantasies couched as “lessons.” Rather than information, it is a wish list created by males who have a rich chastity fantasy life. Those of us with experience generally roll our eyes at the elaborate jerk off fantasies that are out there. Keyholder 101 is based on our experiences actually living with forced male chastity.

Men, like women are programmed to make sex more or less important based on the availability of sexual activity. When you lock up the male’s penis, you are making it difficult-to-impossible for the male to sexually satisfy himself or find someone else other than you to do it for him. He enters a sexual desert. If you simply leave him locked up, after a while sex will become less and less important to him. This is counter productive since one of the central ideas behind forced chastity is for the keyholder to use the caged male’s need for sex as a way to control him.

So how do you keep him frustrated and crazy to have sex without actually getting him off? The answer is something that every woman has been taught is wrong: cock teasing. In most social situations it is considered wrong to arouse a male with no intention of eventually giving him an orgasm. Girls are taught that males can even be dangerous if aroused and unsatisfied. I’m not sure I would go that far, but we can certainly get cranky and hard to be around. In the case of forced chastity, the main reason to lock him up is to keep him extremely horny and frustrated and to use his intense desire to get off as part of the lifestyle.

Many women think that simply depriving him of the opportunity to get off will produce the desired result. It will for a while, but after a week or two of lockup his frustration will diminish and so will his interest in pleasing you so that you will please him. The most basic and probably most effective way to prevent this loss of interest is tease and deny.

This is the classic way to keep a man wanting. Remove his cage and directly stimulate his cock and balls. He needs to believe that you will stimulate him until he can ejaculate. Caged males aren’t stupid. We do know that we aren’t allowed to orgasm without keyholder permission and that sexual stimulation isn’t necessarily going to lead to relief. Surprisingly, even though we know all this, once we are stimulated to a point near orgasm, we lose the ability to think about anything than coming. This level of stimulation happens quickly and only a few seconds before it is too late and he will ejaculate.

Fortunately, he will give you signals when he is ready to explode. If you expect your caged male to be well behaved, he will tell you when he is ready, or maybe ask if you will let him come. In the beginning, just telling you is enough. Don’t necessarily wait for him to tell you or believe him when he does. Every male has a set of uncontrollable signals that signal he is ready to explode. You probably know your partner’s. If you don’t, masturbate him to orgasm a few times and observe what happens just before he comes. It is very likely his breathing will change and he may do other things to signal he is ready.

The actual tease is to take your time getting him excited. Prolong the time before he is ready to come. The reason for this is that you want to give his body time to build up all those nice hormones that go with sexual activity. The more aroused he is, the more important it will be to him that he get off. The art to this tease is a very slow buildup, so slow that he is moving his hips trying to get closer. When he reaches that point just before release, stop all stimulus. He will try to fuck the air, move his hips, do anything he can to go that extra second and ejaculate. Once you get over the taboo, you may find this funny. It is certainly ok to laugh at his antics.

Next, wait until he calms down a little. You don’t need to wait until he gets soft, just enough so that touching his cock won’t get him off. Rinse and repeat. Slowly stimulate him to the edge and stop. Repeat this as many times as you like. This technique can lose its effectiveness if you don’t occasionally let him squirt. When you do want to let him come, repeat the tease and deny several times before finally continuing the stimulation until he can have a nice orgasm. Always do the tease several times first. That way he learns that even after a lot of teasing he still has some chance of coming. He needs to believe this or his body will protect him by making it much harder to get him fully aroused.

If you do this tease and deny several times a week, you will keep your caged male’s attention and improve his willingness to do your bidding. Even if he knows when he will come next, he will be unable to resist your teasing, especially when he has been conditioned to expect teasing before he can finally come. Sound cruel? Maybe under some circumstances it is. But remember this is what he asked you to do. Don’t feel badly that he is so frustrated. Enjoy the obedience and entertainment that a well-teased male can provide.

By:
In: Femdom, Keyholder, Sex

Here are my somewhat immediate problems. And these are only problems in that I know as a top they shouldn’t be problems. But for me it is a constant wrestling match in my mind about how I should act (i.e. what is expected of me as a top) and what I actually want.

I don’t mind when Lion suggests things. I don’t feel pressure to do those things. I used to. But now when he says he’s horny or this is what he’d like, I consider them and decide what to do. I am more likely now to laugh at him or tease him more if he says he’s horny. Poor baby!

My sex drive is still not where Lion wants it. On the one hand, who cares? It’s not what he wants that counts. On the other hand, he thinks he’s letting me down by not pleasing me. Not true. He is being more attentive. This pleases me.

I like to give Lion orgasms. Again, this is only a problem from the point of view of me as a top. Last night as I was teasing him, I said I was thinking about making him come every night. He said he would be thrilled with that. I know male chastity involves making him wait to come but damn it I like giving him orgasms. Then I said I might see how many times I can make him orgasm in a given day. Again he perked up. We discussed giving him a time limit and if he doesn’t have an orgasm in that time frame then he doesn’t get to have one at all. I’ll probably do all of that at some point in time.

So all of this leaves me with doubts as to whether I am making progress or not. Sometimes I feel like I am and other times not so much. I know I have an inner bitch but she is usually reserved for that idiot driver in front of me who can’t seem to do the speed limit. Lion wishes I would harness some of that road rage and put it to use on him. That’s not how I’m wired.

I just think we have to find our own way. Somehow we’ll figure it out. There is no one size fits all approach.

By:
In: Advice for a new keyholder, Femdom, Lion's Journal, Male Chastity, Sex
pair of dice showing 2
Snake eyes can be very bad luck indeed.

The idea that orgasms are not free is a nice way to add an element of fun to the forced chastity experience. For example, if a keyholder wants to train her male to quickly ejaculate when told, she can release him from his cage, then before letting him touch himself, she can set a timer; say for one minute. He must ejaculate before the timer runs out. If he doesn’t, he is locked back up until next time. By shortening the time he gets to squirt, he can be trained to become efficient for his keyholder.

Earning an orgasm is also a nice keyholder entertainment. Some “prices” are not voluntary. The keyholder may require the male to always eat the product of his orgasm. He doesn’t get to choose to come or not. Another post-orgasm activity is for the keyholder to vigorously rub the head of the penis immediately after orgasm. You may need to tie him down for this one. Earning an orgasm by consistently doing chores is also a nice way to integrate chastity into daily life. I would suggest that he not earn an orgasm by providing you, the keyholder, with  pleasure. That’s his job and his joy. He doesn’t need a reward for that.

Games of chance are also entertaining. One could be as simple as a dice game. If he rolls a certain number or above, he gets to come. Of course before he rolls the dice, he should be stimulated right up to the edge. That way, if he misses the target, he gets stimulated to the edge again and has to try again. He will never know when you will decide he doesn’t get another chance and has to go back in his cage. A variant of this is to use the roll of dice to determine the timer setting for his masturbation. In that case, he gets no warmup. So if you are using two dice, maybe multiply the number rolled by five. So if he gets a twelve, he has sixty seconds. Poor boy that rolls snake eyes. You could play blackjack. You are the “house”. If he wins, he gets ten seconds of masturbation, then the next hand. If he hasn’t come and you get tired of the game, lock him up without his squirt.

This is all meant to provide a playful way to provide him with release without making it dull or routine. Solo caged males often use games like this, and sometimes chores to determine when they can play with themselves. Many keyholders find earning orgasm and sex games as an amusing part of forced male chastity.